Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but fuck it I’m going to post it anyways.
I’ve been seeing this girl for about a month and everything is going well. Small kisses are fine and short make-out sessions are fine, but whenever we start getting into it, her mouth becomes a gaping hole and she tries to choke me with her tongue. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for some tongue, but its all the time and it stops me from getting into any rhythm or building anything.
I’m pretty sure it’s because she hasn’t had much experience, so I’m trying to cut her a break and help her change but she does not take hints. At this point I just want to straight up tell her what shes doing and just tell her to pull it back a little, but my friend said it would hurt her feelings.
Just pull back and say “I haven’t seen that kind of face eating since Silence of the Lambs!” That oughta get the ball rolling.
If it was my partner, I’d reach behind the head with both hands and grab on to the hair by the roots and pull back a bit. Not enough to pull hair out, just enough to give the hint that you’d like her to dial it down a bit.
Just tell her - kindly. ''Here - try doing it this way…" Maybe it will hurt her feelings, but she’ll get over it eventually. For some reason many people seem to have this expectation that in a perfect relationship, the other partner always magically does everything exactly the way you want it, because they can read minds. IME, this is an unrealistically high standard. Just tell her. Otherwise you are looking at kissing like this for the rest of your relationship.
Ah. Just tell her. Seriously. Do it nicely, but suggest she does it a certain way and try to take the lead. If she doesn’t listen, tell her more firmly. If that doesn’t work, just be blunt.
This may be one of those things that can be fixed by classic conditioning. When she is doing it wrong, pull away and start over. When she’s doing it nicely, really respond and get into it. She may pick it up that way.
Maybe being direct and just telling her would be easier, but I am one of those people who has terrible time doing that. I just have a hard time saying things that I think will make my lovers or friends uncomfortable. I can’t help it. I like to think I’m diplomatic, but still. I have a hard time saying things that I think can cause someone embarrassment.
ETA: Patty O Furniture got some dominant bad-boy in him! Go 'head, Patty!
hahahaha these are some of the quickest responses I’ve ever gotten on a forum and some of them are damn funny too.
But thanks for the advice guys, I do appreciate it cuz I’ve been trying to decide how to approach this. I think I’m just gonna make light of it and joke about it and hope she doesn’t get too hurt.
The only thing I can think of is just don’t open your mouth as much as she does, then she’d have to adjust. I dated a speed kisser, obviously she was in some sort of hurry with the kissing foreplay part. I had to say, hun it’s much more enjoyable if you slow down.
Nice. After all, it’s about communicating your likes and dislikes, and even if she does feel a little hurt - I’d be willing to bet she will stop doing it.
Actually, when a relationship is just starting out, it IS all about both people’s likes and dislikes. If she’s an unstoppable face-hugger, and he’s into more demure pecks, then there’s a chance that relationship isn’t going to work out. May as well be honest about the reasons.
If she likes him, and she’s mature enough to handle criticism, then she’ll do it differently sometimes, and he’ll (if he’s mature) will deal with the face-hugging sometimes. If she’s not willing to change at all, or face-hugging is her central focus of affection, then better for the both of them to know that sooner rather than later.
Now, if the OP comes in here a bit later and complains that his gf is all the time nagging him to wash his crotch before she’ll go down on him, and that’s just totally cramping his style, then by all means, bring in the sarcasm cannon.
OK, yes, you have some good points here. I do know of a couple where the man was just a horrible kisser (according to my friend) and although she talked to him about it, he never did get it and continued doing whaever it was that she didn’t like. They didn’t last more than a year.
Don’t date bad kissers. It’s a sensual thing, and people either got it or they don’t. My last boyfriend liked to re-enact the Rape of Nanking* every time my mouth was anywhere near his. So now, my policy is to stop calling back if the first kiss is bad. Because holy shit, I don’t have to teach a grown man to kiss. If he doesn’t have it by his mid-20s, I’m not interested in teaching him. FUCK that noise.
