Are you tired of calling someone a goat-felcher, a mother-f—er, or even a warthogged-faced buffoon? You can now come up with creative ways to insult your foe, worthy of the Bard.
Ye Olde Official Shakespearan Insult Kit
I especially like “Kiss my cod-piece, thou bootless beef-witted pigeon egg.” There’s also “Swim with leeches, thou dankish, dizzy-eyed maggot pie.”
They don’t swear like that anymore, do they?
“codpiece-sniffing”.
BWA-HA-ha-ha! 
Get thee hence, thou rump-fed unchin-snouted canker-blossom!
I don’t know what an “unchin” is (typo for "urchin?), but it’s wonderfully euphonious, so I’m entering it into my common vocabulary of insults.
Do urchins even have snouts?
I like the one I found in Ambrose Bierce’s The Devil’s Dictionary, under the entry for “scimetar”, which contains a long story that I won’t go into. Anyway, it’s:
“Thou bastard son of a three-legged hunchback without thumbs!”
Or you could just memorize Act II, scene 2 of Lear. Namely, this bit: “A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-livered, action-taking, whoreson, glass-gazing, superserviceable, finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch; one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deni’st the least syllable of thy addition.”
“Whoreson cullionly barber-monger” is good, too.
We had a sheet of these to memorize in our Shakespeare boot camp up at the Stratford Festival. Good times.
*Grow unsightly warts, thou spleeny swag-belled maggot-pie! *
(Yea, thy mother weareth army boots!)
Lovely. Lately, I’ve been fond of Mike’s attempt at buttering up Roz in Monsters Inc. … “Roz, my tender oozing blossom.” At one point he calls her a succulent garden snail, too. I like to try and work to the two in together.
Kythereia, you succulent oozing blossom, you move like a tender garden snail!
