scredle:
Yup, I’m so delightfully PC that I believe that a professional dom isn’t going to hell.
Hey, I bet I even approve of bulemia and suicide attempts, too. Oh, that’s right . . . I don’t. And I already said so.
Your morality works for you, Sparky. Good on ya. But in the future please try to come up with something a little more cutting that “you’re PC,” hmmm?
With all due respect regardless of how one may feel about the judgmental or pejorative aspects of the word a dominatrix for hire is most certainly a “prostitute” in the normal sense of the definition used by most people ie.
While opinions may vary as to the moral utility of this profession and regardless of how magnanimous we may wish to be, a dominatrix for hire is not a therapist or a social worker, although their job may contain elements of both professions. You can pick any definition apart and obviously some dominatrixes may be more or less discriminating than others but they are still prostitutes if they are being whip bitches (or bastards) for a fee of some sort.
To hold that sexual intercourse or coupling of some sort is specifically required for the “sexual activity” aspect of prostitution is disingenuous. A dominatrix for hire may be a wonderful person but they are also prostitutes.
Per andro’s point “operating a dungeon does not in itself automatically make one evil, bad, self-destructive, or insane.” Quite correct but it also doesn’t make you “not a prostitute.”
See, I’d managed to avoid that particular temptation, and then you had to go and do it first… 
Ditto.
She’s not engaging in intercourse with her clients, but she is engaged in sexual activity with her clients for a fee.
I don’t have a problem with someone making their living that way if that’s what they want to do, but let’s call it what it is.
As for the OP. I can relate. I had a relationship with woman with similar problems. She took me to hell. But it was a quite ride.
I think, if we are going to pick nits, that it is not necessarily correct to say that she is engaging in sexual acts for money. She may do nothing sexual at all. She may call him names, beat him, do all kinds of stuff, none of which is sexual. That ** HE ** becomes aroused and may even masturbate does not mean SHE is engaging in sexual acts.
By the definition you guys are giving, strippers are whores. So are phone sex workers. So are girls who model in magazines. Basically, anyone who does anything for money that results in the sexual pleasure of another is a whore.
And I disagree.
Sex workers, yes. Sex workers come in many flavors, including whores. In other words, all whores are sex workers but not all sex workers are whores.
stoid
Hey, it could always be worse. I recall reading a letter in some long-forgotten sex advice column from a guy who was creeped out about his girlfriend. He just found out that his long time girlfriend, a veterinarian and purebred pet breeder, as part of her artificial insemination duties, masturbates dogs. And now every time she touches him, he just thinks about one thing…
In that situation, those acts are sexual, IMO.
jlzania, I understand how hard this must be for you to sit back and watch. It may not be much comfort, but keep in mind that
a) Mike is an adult now
b) He has had the benefit of your love and good example for the last 8 years
c) He has a good job that he enjoys, which means he has things in his life that are stable and under control.
d) He has forged a relationship with his parents.
To me this says that Mike isn’t the same kid who she nearly destroyed all those years ago. It also means that he’s probably likely to get his back up at any percieved interference in his life because he is an adult and capable of looking after himself. This puts you in the unenviable position of sitting back and watching what he does, right or wrong. With any luck, Mike’s maturity, relative stability of lifestyle and knowledge of what a good relationship is like from interacting with you and your husband will guide him in any choices he makes regarding his future with this woman. You don’t say how long they’ve been back together, but I feel that once the nostalgic feelings wear off, Mike is going to start wondering what exactly he has in common with this person. Her comparitive instability (bulemia, suicide attempts) will either arouse his protective instincts (in which case, if he thinks you dislike her he may drift away from you), or may drive a wedge between them.
Sit it out. I hope the outcome is whatever is best for all involved. You never know, Mike may be the making of her.
First-thanks for the support offered by several posters-it’s much appreciated.
However, there appears to be the assumption among others that I believe that those that earn their living by exchanging sexual acts for money are going to burn in hell or are by definition, bad or evil people.
I don’t. I don’t even believe in the standard Christian definition of hell although I think Sartre may have been right on the money there.
I personally think all forms of prostitution should be legalized.
But, and this is a huge but, I also don’t think that it is a healthy way to earn a living. And were it legalized, I would not want anyone I love earning their living that way.
Andros-
Whoever said anything about a dominatrix going to “hell”?
Oh. That’s right. You did.
I don’t believe in a “hell”. I can formulate my own value sytem without religious threats, thank you very much.
Come up with something a little more “cutting” than PC?
I don’t think so, sharpshooter. Feel free to engage in a juvenile nanny-boo-boo insult contest if YOU wish, but my reason for posting was to make my point, not brush up on my nifty “cutting” skills.
Esprix-
Of course I have learned that sweeping generalizations tend to be taken to task. However, I happen to think that the whole genericized, impersonal, for-profit sex industry is vile. Not, God forbid, in some sort of evangelist-who-thinks-pornography-and-abortion-are-the-reasons-for-9/11
sort of way, but I honestly don’t see anything healthy or worthwhile about the whole enterprise.
I don’t think there is a thing wrong with
any sort of sexual lifestyle that involves actual affection,
feeling, or at least respect between two (or hell, 12, I don’t care) consenting human beings. It’s just the money/transaction thing I disagree with. Not that you asked
for my input. But I didnt ask for yours. Other than posting in a public forum, which I though was the whole point of
these discussions anyway.
Having said all that, my reason for posting was to express support for the OP’s opinion on the particular matter,
not to personally offend those who do not agree with me,
and whose positions I certainly respect, even if I think
differently.
I agree with you 100%, both in this post and in your OP.
I don’t see how the two can be seperated, honestly. I have no problem with one person performing acts on another person for the sake of moeny where the recipient gains sexual gratification. I think calling this behavior “whoring” is very appropriate, and it is unfortunate that “whore” is derogatory.
I think that’s a fair call. I have always equated the two in my mind under the guise of “performing an act meant to instill sexual pleasure in another for money,” or, as Merriam Webster puts it, “a woman who engages in sexual acts for money.” I am not sure how we would distinguish “sexual acts” unless you restrict it to penetration of an orifice or, perhaps, contact with genetalia. However, I don’t think it is really stretching the idea of a sexual act to say that, for instance, “posing nude for the purpose of arousing others” is a sexual act. I think it pretty clearly is. Sex workers = people who are paid to perform sexual acts.
You are welcome to, I just don’t understand why.
“Tis pity she’s a whore.”
<hijack>
Wow, that’s an extraordinarily obscure play to reference. Kudos.
</hijack>
Relax, snookums. I was hyperbolizing.
Hey pal, you’re the one who decided that anyone who dsagrees with you must be “PC.” I’ll grant you that calling you Sparky might have seemed insulting, but it’s hardly fodder for an “insult contest.” I just find it amusing that you would choose to dismiss those with different viewpoints or morals as merely being politically correct. That was insulting, my friend.
Do you class a stripper/exotic dancer(without the handjob) as a whore. A Dom. would be more like a lapdancer IMO and I wouldn’t call a lapdancer a whore.
[quote]
I have found that the posters here tend to be extremely liberal and, to me, somewhat approving of, the type of lifestyle to which you’re referring.
I agree with you. I think that these days, people tend to
relish in being so PC that they refuse to examine the possibility that exotic dancing, prostitution, sex-related
careers may not be the healthiest paths in life (generalization of course.)
[/end quote]
Nowhere did I say that ANYONE who disagrees with ME must
be PC. I said the tendency to jump on the PC bandwagon is there. I stand by that 100%. However, I can see how it can be offensive to suggest that people are just parroting the ideas, rather than having their own well thought out opinions that happen to coincide with prevailing PC attitudes. Point well taken.
…Now I am going to go off and figure out how to quote previous posts properly…
Ah, a kindred spirit. 
What’s not been emphasized is that Ms. Ex is subjecting both herself, and to some extent Mike to increased risk of both physical and psychological harm through her “profession”. If some loony “client” decides to go after her, he could wind up in the way.
Looking on the bright side, if she’s into humiliating “clients” by getting them to scrub up toilets and such, she and Mike could save on housecleaning chores.
Well of course it’s not been emphasized, because it’s not been established as fact.
As long as nothing illegal is involved, I believe that would be entrepreneurialism.
I’d like to bump this post. Since you haven’t responded to it I think it may have gotten lost in the noise. I think this was one of the most constructive pieces of advice you’ve been offered, and I can’t think of anything to add except that she may have changed too. Give it time, watch for depression in your friend, continue to be there for him if at all possible. Nothing will wreck a friendship faster than criticizing the woman your friend chooses to be with. Trust me, I’m desperately trying to keep out of this situation myself by keeping my mouth shut as one of my friends is on what I percieve to be the long, slow road to hell with his wife. Hopefully I’ll be wrong, and by keeping my mouth shut, I can save our friendship. If I’m not wrong, I can be there for my friend when it blows up. It’s all I can do, and it’s very frustrating. I wish you luck.
Steven