Fade in from a star-field effect, we see John DeLancie (Q) Suzie Plakson (Q) the actor who played the other TNG “Q” (Q2?) and Amanda whassername (not sure of the actress who played her), the girl who grew up to be a Q all staring at each other, looking thoroughly bored…
You know, ever since Paramount killed Trek, we “Q” haven’t had anyone really fun to tormen…ahem make life “interesting” for…, i mean we could always simply wish the Trek franchise back into existence, but where’s the fun in that, these sci-fi obsessive geeks have moved on to other Scifi shows
Well Q, it was your idea to put Bergmana at the helm of trek after Roddenberry died…
No, you’re thinking of Q, *he did it, not me…
shut up all of you, i’ve got an idea that may get these Science Fiction fans attention, why not have a “Cyborg Smack-down”, create an alternate universe where the more popular cyborg races can battle it out for supremacy
you do it, i created an alternate reality last time and i still have a headache, besides, what races should we use for contenders?
Hmm, the Borg are a given, after all, Trek fans LOVE the Borg (the original TNG Borg, not the wussed out Voyager Borg)
yes, but who else?
hmm, i know, how about the Cylon Centurions from Battlestar Galactica?
which ones, the originals, or the new toasters?
ahh frak it, why not both…
okay, Borg Vs. Toasters (V.1 and V. 2), that’s a start, who else…
Y’know, i’ve always thought the Cybermen from Doctor Who had potential, but were underutilized, the new Cybermen seem to have more screen presence, so lets go with them
okay, Toasters, Borg, Cybermen, what else
Oh, i know, how about the Daleks?
Brilliant! xenophobic death-ray wielding pepperpots, what’s not to like
And i have the perfect ring announcer as well…
<a boxing/wrestling ring flashes into existence, an audience flashes into existence, seeing a wrestling ring, the audience thinks it’s been tricked by the sci-fi channel into watching an ECW event, angry rumbling sounds begin to stir throughout the crowd, the crowd moves angrily, looking for someone to beat up, how dare they force us to watch wrestling
Q, what are you doing, the crowd’s getting restless, the audience is revolting…
i know, you’d think these losers would get a life and move out of their parent’s basement…
…uhh, no “Q”, that’s not what i meant…
i know, i was being facetious…
…now would be a good time for that ring announcer of yours to do their thing…
a white flash of light appears and the original BBC Marvin the Paranoid Android appears in the middle of the ring, his shoulders hunched, he trudges over to the microphone…
"typical, just after i resign myself to life trudging in a circle in a swamp on Squornshellas Zeta, i get pulled into a parallel universe where they expect me to announce some insipid, mind-taxing combat match, here i am, brain the size of a planet… oh well…
inferior organic life-forms, are you ready to rumble (or grumble, in my case), the “Q” continuum has decided to entertain your tiny, feeble little minds with a wrestling match, i can’t understand how you tolerate it, it gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level…
tonight’s contenders are…
from the Delta Quadrant, the dreary, depressing, simpleminded Borg Collective
<Locutus of Borg beams in>
Rumbling is irrelevant, you all will be assimilated, resistance is futile
from the Doctor Who universe, the equally depressing Cybermen
<a CyberLeader beams in>
the Borg will be Upgraded, after we sue your asses for copyright infringement, you stole the idea of upgrading other life-forms from us, in a way, <raspier voice than normal occurs>we…are your fathers…
IRELLLLAVEEENNNNT!!!
from the Twelve Colonies, we have two contenders, the original depressing Cylon Centurion, and the newer, pointier and even more depressing New Centurion*
*note, Centurions do not make toast, not even if you ask them nicely…
<a chrome plated Centurion and a new, scarier H.R. Gigeresque Centurion beam in, they stand stoically with their sensor eye sweeping across and making that cool Vwmmm…Vwmmmm… noise>
and finally, another contender from the Doctor Who universe, a contender I think has the best view on life, the Daleks!
<the Black Dalek beams in>
All life-forms will be EX-TER-MI-NA-TED, Daleks are the superior species!
<CyberLeader> except when stairs are involved, you should be upgraded then you could deal with stairs properly
<Locutus> Stairs are irrelevant
<Cylons> Vwwmmm…vwmmmm…
now before i go sit in a corner and rust, i would “like” to introduce your colour commentators, actually i shouldn’t say “like”, that would be a lie, nevertheless, your color commentators are Bending Unit 22, Bender “Bending” Rodriguez, and the Knight Industries Two Thousand (K.I.T.T)
ladies and gentlemen, LETS GET READY TO RUUUMBBBLEEEE!
(Okay, now that the prologue is set up, I’m tired, anyone else is free to continue the thread…)
