Actually, after having read overlyverbose’s descriptions, forget the kewpie doll. I’d rather have photos of overlyverbose.
Just ran a marathon, huh? Mmmmmmm…
I think you should’ve clothes-lined her as she passed and then grabbed her phone and told Alan that she was about to get her blonde ass beat down.
Oh no. No obviously deliberate violence.
If you outweigh the person a bit or have better footing, you just go wide eyed and say “huh?” (the oblivious act) as you turn and step directly (or almost directly) into their path. Your arms conveniently lifting up in front so as to knock them away or deflect them into the grass.
The goal is to land them on their face or ass in the grass or on the hard surface while the whole thing looks like a minor accident. And so that you don’t get hurt in the process.
Oops, sorry! I didn’t see you there. Are you alright?
(Crunch) Oops, was that your cell phone? Sorry, I’m so distracted today.
And she probably wasn’t a real blonde either.
There was a fountain nearby, too. I could clothesline her and dump her in there. Then all her makeup would melt off and she’d look like the Wicked Bitch of the West.
And I’d jog off with a long, trilling giggle of my own…
I think that’s why she’s rollerblading, so the poor bastard can’t get away.
just two more things:
Loose change in the pocket dropped or tossed: It distracts muggers And trips up bladers.
But…
You should be careful; she might have security with her. Did you look up? Was there the sound of wings? Flyng Monkeys aren’t as silent as they might seem…
I think that’s why she’s rollerblading, so the poor bastard can’t get away.
just two more things:
Loose change in the pocket dropped or tossed: It distracts muggers And trips up bladers.
But…
You should be careful; she might have security with her. Did you look up? Was there the sound of wings? Flyng Monkeys aren’t as silent as they might seem…
overlyverbose, from reading your uncanny description I can only assume that somehow my ex-sister-in-law dyed her hair blonde and magically transported herself to Missouri. At least I hope it was her. I’d hate to think there are more women like her. shudder
And, I’d like to add, my SIL does look very much like a Gorgon without her makeup on.
The only way to tell for sure it was my SIL (or one of her species) is to observe the woman walking. My SIL does this weird little catwalk turn whenever she walks, no matter where she’s at or what she’s doing.
For instance, using an example I witnessed first-hand: Walking to the trashcan at McDonald’s. I imagine her thought process is something like this: sashay, hand on hip, throw the cup away, swivel and turn. Work it baby, work it!
Sometimes she even tosses her hair over her shoulder and shoots a smoldering temptress look at anyone within range.
She apparently thinks there are hidden cameras watching her at all times and she will one day be discovered by a big modeling agency. Which is interesting considering the Gorgon thing and all.
And this is the same woman who was greatly insulted when someone remarked that her daughter was a very “vivacious” young lady. Vivacious being a word with more than 2 syllables and beyond her comprehension, she automatically assumed it was an insult. :dubious:
Can I say here something to the rollerbladers? I love you guys, really, and your little cute wheely-shoes. I think it’s fantastic that you’re out being active, and getting some exercise. That’s great.
Here’s the thing- you need to attain some awareness that your chosen method of exertion has a hell of a wide footprint. From stride to stride, you are at least five times as wide as a biker or jogger. Upon realizing this, please realize that this makes you responsible for navigating the not-so-wide footpath successfully. Not the joggers. Not the bikers. You have chosen the path of the giant footspan, and now you must bear the responsibilities along with the rewards.
You may be faster than me, but I am infinitely more stable with my unique sticky footwear. Be aware of this, and do not be surprised if you are the one who ends up prone. And certainly do not blame it on me.
Thank you.