Okay, so I’m running through the park yesterday, minding my own business when all of a sudden I hear a trill of laughter behind me and a woman squeals “Oh, you’re sooo funny, Alan!” I look over my left shoulder in surprise and see a blonde woman, all decked out in a cute little pink and grey outfit - the top was a tight little pink bra top and the bottoms were tiny little grey and pink biking shorts which were plastered to her ass like a second skin. She was on rollerblades, moving pretty slowly.
The woman, I had to admit, was adorable. She was the sort of woman that is every normal woman’s nemisis. Tiny, but with huge boobs, blonde, huge blue eyes, cotton-candy colored lips. She looked like a miniature version of a Playboy centerfold. Of course, she had enough makeup shellacked onto her face that for all I know, she could have been a total gorgon. But that’s not the point.
I turn back to the path in front of me, continuing to run my ass off, when all of a sudden, her sweet, sugar-coated voice turns into a low snarl. “Out of the way, bitch,” she says as she speeds up and zooms past me on her rollerblades. What the??? The cogs in my brain, slowed by running, start to turn. Well, there was no one on the path but me. So I would assume she’s talking to me, since the person on the cell phone was obviously not in the way. But, wait. I’m not a large woman. I mean, I’m not tiny like she is, but I don’t take up a whole running path. I’m not weaving around the path, making it impossible for someone to pass me. Why the hell would someone say something like that to someone they don’t even know?!? I don’t get it.
As she continues to zoom past me, her voice rises again in a cutesy little trill of laughter for the benefit of Alan, who she’s clearly trying to impress. “Oh, you’re so sweet,” she giggles as she rollerblades off into the distance.
Ok, so I have several fundamental problems with this woman:
-
She obviously put on makeup before she went rollerblading. That or she’s got some serious layers spread on her face like caulking so her makeup’s not going anywhere. And she’s wearing a HELL of a lot of makeup. I hate it when people wear makeup to work out. In my mind, unless you’re really self-conscious about your face, why would you do that if it’s going to get sweated off anyway?
-
She’s talking on a fucking cell phone - when she’s rollerblading. She could hurt herself or someone else doing that. That really bugs me. I don’t think Alan (or whoever she’s talking to) is that important, but she obviously does.
-
Most importantly, she clearly has a complete disregard for others around her, and expects to have the path all to herself.
-
I hate adorable women who can bitches to other women, but when they talk to a man all of a sudden they’re simpering, giggling idiots. I once worked with a woman who asked me out to lunch constantly. Unfortunately, she was husband-shopping, and even if we were in the middle of a conversation, if an unmarried man came within 10 yards of her, immediately she’s start giggling at everything I said and stick her tits and her ass out and start swinging her hips like rigging on a ship that’s going down. She wasn’t all that attractive, but she was a big slut, so I guess that’s what made her attractive to guys.
Anyway, any theories on what happened? Has something similar happened to someone else? Should this “goddess” be able to insult us mortal women who are out just trying to get some exercise?
I wish I could run faster - I would have loved to have caught up to her and grabbed her by that long, blonde hair (which she was, of course, wearing down - how the hell can you work out with your hair down? It gets nasty after a while) and watched her squeal to Alan that some meaney bitch was kicking her ass.
