So, any “Intelligent Design” proponents want to chime in on this one?
Seems pretty obvious. God hates women.
I mean, clearly. (Perhaps that’s how people get to that kind of thinking? Obviously if we are intelligently designed then God hates women, or at least doesn’t want us to go camping. If God hates women, then the rest of us should probably look into it too, right?)
I’m pretty sure the Bible covers that straight up in Genesis, with God telling Eve that because she was such a sneaky bitch (listened to the serpent, convinced Adam) that women have to suffer in childbirth. It’s an easy jump to assume “and your ladybits are going to be trouble in general” as well.
You ladies clearly got stuck with a badly bugged beta version reproductive system.
Another vote for either Depo or Mirena. I’m not sexually active nor plan to be any time soon but I’m still on Depo and loving it. I decided I was done with dealing with my periods (which were neither painful or excessive), so I just started up on Depo. The nurse at Planned Parenthood was kinda pushing Mirena, but the idea of something eternally up inside my hoohah was just…not settling well with me.
Suddenly I am extraordinarily grateful that my uterus is as predictable and compliant as it is. :eek:
Now I almost feel bad for ever complaining about my period. I get really bad cramps for one day a month and I usually get some pretty serious mood swings. Then I bleed pretty bad though only enough to soak through a pad in an hour and a half for about two days. Then I trickle for a couple more days and I’m done. It is mostly uneventful and definitely not as bad as some of you have. I’m sympathetic for you all but I am so glad I don’t have to go through what you do.
That said, I really wish my period would come back. I’ve tested and I’m not pregnant but I haven’t seen hide nor hair of my period for 9 weeks now.
Went on Mirena at the beginning of last July after having been on Depo for a couple of years. It’s had its own share of pain, but I have to say that it’s a pretty big improvement. My body is still getting used to it, but the benefits I’m reaping are little to no flow at all, and regular 3 day cramping that requires norco is a thing of the past. As time goes on, I’m experiencing less and less pain, so yay! Prior to this, I’d been asking for years for a hysterectomy for my birthdays and christmas, but naturally, nobody cared enough to take me seriously. I guess that’s a good thing, since my big fear is becoming incontinent (and with a few exceptions, Nava’s mom shoutout!) hysterectomies often lead to incontinence.
I don’t ever and never have wanted children. Shoot, I don’t even think I can say “children” without a bit of a sneer, so that’s never been an issue, but they’ll never believe you as if you just couldn’t possibly know your own mind. Fuck that. Just as cops have to get sprayed with pepper spray when they train to use it, OB/GYNs should have to experience the feelings associated with the internal pain these things can perpetrate before they can practice.
Yes, that’s a silly idea, but I WANT it.
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That’s not to mention the short term risks and side effects of many hysterectomies, like 4-8 weeks of not lifting more than 5 pounds, no sex, infection risk, risk of dying from the anesthesia, etc.
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I’m seriously hoping to avoid this by going to a MIG clinic, (minimally invasive gynaecology) fingers crossed it can all be done with an endoscope!
I just have to say, “To Hell With My Uterus” sounds like the title of a cheap pulp war novel based on the first female Special Forces combat veteran.
I’m going to break a year and a half of deep cover to post my support of this thread.
I made it through middle school, junior high, and senior high without ever having a horrible period-related accident, though I witnessed many. Lo, these many years later, after three children (5 pregnancies), Mother Nature has had her last laugh*.
Around 35 I became menstrually incompetent. I couldn’t keep up with how it was changing, and felt completely unprepared every time it came around. I would start suddenly, heavily, and with some new horror of a symptom I had never had before. Currently, these new symptoms rotate in and out like a merry-go-round of hatred. Migraine, crippling leg cramps, RAGE, clots & clomps of stuff that resembles raspberry pie filling, cramps on a par with labor, hives, HUNGER, and fatigue. I usually get to pick two or three. I have had to start taking iron supplements. The GYN prescribed me Lysteda, but honestly, that makes me just as sick to take it, so I trade writhing cramps for no balance and nausea.
In the past few years I have ruined whole sets of sheets, pants, bathroom rugs, and underwear. I have snuck home from my office with my hoodie tied around my waist. My husband even suggested I just take a change of clothes to work with me on those days. I feel as miserable and embarassed as I recall those girls looking when we were all 13.
*It’s maniacal, hoarse laugher. She sounds kinda like a heavy smoker crossed with Satan.
I can imagine all kinds of war movies – “I Was a Male War Uterus”, “Francis, the Talking Uterus”, “30 Seconds Over Uterus”, “Operation Uterus”, “McHale’s Uterus”, “The Longest Uterus”, “The Uterus at Remagen”, “12 O’Clock Uterus”, “The Uterus of Britain”, and more recent titles like “Black Uterus Down”, … They practically write themselves!
This is a trilogy, right?
And there will be a sci-fi prequel series beginning with “The Phantom Uterus”.
Aw shucks, t’weren’t nothin, ma’am. 
Confidential to those concerned about incontinence and dull, lame sex afterwards: fear not! These are possibilities, not probabilities. In fact (for me anyway), sex is much better. Cleaner, too!
I heard those hysterectomy support groups were great for cruising!
Thank you all for coming to my uterus party and bringing such wonderful gifts. I appreciate the ablations, Mirenas, Depo, and norethindrone. Warm hugs are also wonderful.
If I want a penis I could just borrow one, yes?
I think I may be in the running for Princess of TMI.
Mood swings can kiss my bloody patoot, as can every doctor who ever said, “It will get better after your first child.”
Alcohol is wonderful for cramps, too bad they can’t make it not intoxicating so you can use it at work.
{{{Gracer}}}
Oooh, Uterus Universal Soldier. Sci-Fi with bonus PMS, a gory tale of rage and slaughter.
Parting gifts will be stain-proof water-proof sheets, pink Depends, and boxes of Belgian chocolates.
Nazi Dinocrocosharktopussy on the Scyfy Channel!
Exactly Zsofia! It took me two years, a bunch of doctors and finally an apparent threat of violence to get my tubal at age 33. Didn’t want kids, couldn’t afford kids anyway but I also wasn’t married and “too young to make such an important decision”. At that point I’d been on the Pill for 15 straight years, no breaks, and I’m here to tell you, it’s not a good idea. Regular PMS becomes OMG KILLEVERYTHING AND EATEVERYTHINGINSIGHT AND I’MGOINGTOCRYUNTILMYEYESFALLOUT all the time. When the last doctor fed me the line about “what if you meet a man who wants children?” (I said run the other way), I went into his office, sans appointment, while I was in one of those “oh, you are just exaggerating” moods, grabbed him by the tie and asked IS THIS THE FACE OF SOMEONE WHO SHOULD BE HAVING CHILDREN???
I got the tubal. Granted, this was over 20 years ago, but there are still areas of the country where even getting birth control can be dicey, never mind permanent surgery. For some reason, there’s been this growing belief all over that all people should have children, no matter how unsuited to the job they are. The thought of a woman not being able to “give her man his children” is unthinkable. Never mind that men like my husband dislike kids even more than I do! :smack: