You’re very sweet.
Really. You’re a good person.
Considering the maturity levels of the other 20-22yr old guys in this circle of friends, you’re very mature and adult. I like that.
You’re intelligent. You’re fun. You laugh a lot. You take things in your stride. You treat everybody around you with respect. You’re fair. You’re interesting.
You’re an extraordinary person.
And it’s a problem.
Because I like you.
I really like you.
And it’s hard for me not to show it, but I’m working on it. Nobody knows. I overheard one of the many gossipy conversations between our friends. You know who we never know about? Buckler. Anybody know if she fancies anybody? Huh? Anybody?
No. They think I’m without a love interest right now. That’s the way I want it.
I don’t fall for people often. It takes someone special to arouse any spark of romantic feeling. Once I do fall though, I fall pretty hard. Oh, I’m quiet about it. I keep it to myself. But my feelings… last.
And I realise you can’t very well stop being special.
But. Could you do me a favour?
Please stop flirting with me.
I don’t know what it means and I don’t know what to do when you do it.
Maybe you’re just affectionate & I’m misinterpreting.
Maybe I’m seeing something that I secretly want to see.
But you don’t seem to treat any of the other girls the same way.
Like the way you always ask if I need a hug. Or you ask me for a hug. No, I don’t need a hug. I just want one. From you. And it happens so often now, you ask a lot. I’m having trouble finding reasons not to hug you. I really don’t want to be seen as too eager to touch you. I’m trying to save face for both of us when I make an excuse like I’m just on my way to get the drinks, or whatever. But I can’t do that every time. I don’t want to reveal myself. I don’t want to embarrass or hurt my friend (your girlfriend). I don’t want to hurt you or watch you become joked about among the group for being so affectionate with me. That will hurt both of you.
Don’t misunderstand. Most of me wants to grin and say ‘Absolutely!’ when you offer. It’s just not… you know… I can’t.
When you’ve been drinking a bit, you kiss my cheek frequently. In front of everyone. Your girlfriend and you have NEVER been seen to kiss in public. Not even on the cheek. She’s told me privately, that you’re not a ‘public display of affection’ type of guy. So, you can see why the kissing and the hugging make me a little suspicious. I don’t think she’s seen you kiss me yet. I hope you don’t forget yourself in front of her.
You encourage me to drink too, always. You encourage me to wriggle out of it when it’s my turn to be designated driver. I never do. But still.
I’m not even sure YOU realise you’re doing this. Maybe you’re just being friendly, Maybe you’ve just decided it’s important to be on good terms with me because I’m so close to your girlfriend. It just feels so much like flirting.
I catch you looking at me sometimes. It’s not like I get stared at a lot. I’m not unnattractive, but I’m nothing too special either. You take an extra second before you look away too, after I catch you.
You seem to genuinely care for my friend. Really. And I don’t believe you’ll hurt her, or at least, I believe you would try NOT to hurt her. I doubt you’re going to break it off anytime soon, and she’s certainly not, she’s smitten and I’m happy for her. So, since neither one of us can pursue anything… if you could just knock it down a few notches…
The flying sexual innuendo is common within the group. Susan (my new fake name for said girlfriend) doesn’t engage in this much. She tends to get a bit embarrassed when the conversation takes a turn for the dirty and not say a lot. You like it though. And you’re happy to engage me in it, even when she’s with you. Maybe you two have such a healthy relationship that she doesn’t care about this. Maybe you’re just having fun. I don’t know.
You ring me a lot. Well, a lot for someone who is a relatively new friend. You seem to want to organise things with me and half the time I’m the one who ends up inviting your girlfriend along because I realise you haven’t told her.
Somebody crashed into your car a few weeks ago. You rang me. You said you felt awful and could you stop by my house later? You didn’t mention the accident then. I said ‘Of course, Susan’s already here, come right over!’ "Oh, I thought she was at home tonight… never mind… um… ok, see you soon.’ ’ It was a little awkward, you see, when your girlfriend was sitting right next to me, mobile phone on, you have a car accident and I was the one you called first.
You’re always making sure I’m ok…
‘How are you? You seem tired?’
'Having fun? Can I get you anything? Sure?
‘Hey, Buckler, what are you doing tonight? Susan? I don’t know. Yeah, I guess we should ask her too.’
The big cheeky grins. The just-barely-there excuses to touch me. Dropping in casually where I work to chat to me for 4 hours. The ‘Never mind your bad day, I still love you.’ Then the big cheeky grin again.
It’s not that I don’t want to respond in kind.
It certainly isn’t that I don’t like you. I have trouble not thinking about you. I have to work extra hard not to bring you up excessively in conversation. I have very strong feelings for you.
But this isn’t right. You’re dating her. Please be with her. If you weren’t - different story.
But you are. You and your stupid… charm.
I will have to confront you about it eventually, if it doesn’t stop. Well, I probably won’t. But I should. It’s getting very… difficult. I may have to stop hanging out with the group so much. I don’t want to, but what else do I do?
I would find this much easier to get over if it weren’t for all your little… signals. I try so hard to be nonresponsive, but when I ignore you or tone it all down a little, you act hurt.
This is getting hard. I really don’t want to hurt her, more than anything else. She’s been an excellent friend to me.