To my ex-wife, re: child support

When I posted, I was thinking that Domino was the noncustodial parent. Her first post could be construed that way.

Maybe I need the remedial instruction (or I should read the whole thread before posting).

This needs to be addressed though:

(originally posted by Domino)

Hah! Bullshit. I did exactly that. The ex- was claiming costs for daycare. I knew he wasn’t going to daycare after kindergarten because I was picking him up half the time from either his school or at her house. I told CS. CS for daycare absolutely did not stop. I went to court to have it reduced. The ex- produces a letter that says she’s still paying for daycare. I told the court that, although she may be paying for it, my son isn’t utilizing it. She tells the court that she wants to keep paying for daycare in case she needs it from time to time, and it’s hard to find good daycare. The Court agrees with her.

Want some other stories?

My ex- enrolled my son in karate classes, and sends me a bill for half of the costs (of course, she scheduled them on days that I would have him). The classes go on for a while, and my son decides he doesn’t like them. He wants to quit. She says he needs them for a condition called “hypotonia.” I research it and find out what hypotonia means, and that the real reason she’s forcing him to go is because he refused to do the mile run at school. I tell her I won’t pay. She goes to some quack doctor who writes one word on a prescription pad: Karate. I tell her I still won’t pay. We go to court over it. The court says I have to pay, but only if she takes him to class on days I don’t have him. I disregard the court’s order and still refuse to pay. CS enforcement gets involved and says I have to pay. I get a statement from the karate school that says she hasn’t ever brought him to class since the court hearing. The CS scumbag still tries to get me to pay because there’ “an order in effect.” I submit the letter along with another motion to the court to have their previous order cancelled. Finally, it is.

Then there’s the current situation where I got laid off. Regular support was deducted from my severance pay as well as from unemployment when that kicked in. There’s no work available in the travel industry so I start training in another field. The ex- (unexplicably) agrees to lower child support while I’m in school. Things are getting better, I think. Out of the blue, she says that she wants regular child support again (funny–her husband just bought a new boat). Unemployment has run out, and I’ve taken out two student loans. CS says “student loans are income” and raises child support back up. I say that, clearly, loans can’t be considered income because I have to pay them back. CS says I can deduct the amount of the repayments when I go back to work.

WTF? They can base a whole year’s support on the total amount I took out at the time I take out the loan, but I can only deduct the payment amounts when I pay them back? That’s brilliant.

And, as far as the self-serving claims of:

I would submit that the costs of maintaining you thickheaded cocksuckers in your overpaid, overstaffed jobs far outweighs the costs you incur in collecting said monies. I would submit that automatic payroll deduction covers a huge percentage of the actual amount collected, and, therefore, the money you waste in tracking down some prick who isn’t paying his $41 per week would be much better spent if we simply fired you human wood ticks and divided your paychecks among the kids that needed the money.

You fucking lamprey eel on the teat of humanity, quit lying through your teeth.

Got issues Domino?

Domino, I’m a divorced Dad who pays CS (Lots of it! Kudos to me!). Your post was enlightening with respect to your particular CS collection officer’s civil servant mind set, that it makes good sense and is rational to berate a man for saying “I don’t mind paying xxx because I love my kids” and take him to task as being a self congratulatory asshole because it’s his state enforced duty to do so, and besides what he’s paying is really chicken feed anyway.

The snottiness just oozes from you like puss from an gangrenous sore. Your interpersonal blinders must be made out of cast iron although I’m sure this trait helps you be quite the “producer” in your department. You are clueless on so many levels about human nature I really suspect you’re never going to wake up from your mental fog. If your attitude online is any reflection of your mad people handling skillz (and I suspect it is) I pity the poor souls working though dysfunctional relationships and difficult divorces that come into your scuttling claws and are subject to your ignorant, blunt instrument interpersonal skills and angry biases.

Rysdad she recieves support, so she is the custodial parent.

In all honesty I don’t care what she says she does for a living. It doesnt change the fact that she sounds extremely self righteous when she is picking apart how shitty my money is.

As far as “I don’t mind paying” goes, I don’t mind. I am not going to say that I am happy about it. I would be HAPPY if Abbi could live with me. I am not HAPPY that she doesn’t. Its not the money thats the issue. I am not HAPPY to pay CS because my daughter doesn’t live with me which makes me UNHAPPY. I work mid-shift as an engineer and am in my senior year of a EE program. I can’t take care of her by myself. My ex works Mon-Fri 7-4 and thats it. This wasn’t one of those divorces where she ended up with mom because “thats just what happens in divorce”. She ended up with her mom because it is the best situation for her right now. In a couple years, after I graduate and switch jobs, we are gonna re-evaluate who she should live with.

Before people start throwing “If you really wanted her to live with you you could find SOME way to make it work. Get a new job, quit school etc…” into the fray, let me say that that is an impossiblity. I could quit my job and get another if I wanted to work at the fucking Buckle or something. I make over $40K a year. The job market sucks. I owe 20K in student loans. Drop out and then I owe 20K on an education I didn’t complete. She is best off with her mom right now. She is a good mom and I have no complaints.

But I am not “Happy to pay”. I don’t mind paying. I would be HAPPY if she could live with me, but right now I am content.

The last sentence is some classic alliteration and excellent mini-rant. As for the general implication about child support enforcement officers…

As I mentioned in the GD thread, my good friend Mike is a child support enforcement officer. Due to the State of Missouri’s budget crunch this year, nobody new has been hired to take the place of people leaving the office, and his caseload is up around 700 IIRC. Even fully staffed, it would be around 500 at least.

Perhaps that doesn’t seem like alot to you, but the simple fact is that a majority (yes, a majority) of cases in his load are the type that require regular enforcement. Non-custodial parent leaves old job, finds new job, doesn’t notify the office…or simply can’t hold down a job and is intermittently employed…or moves and doesn’t leave an address…basically, a majority of his cases involve non-custodial parents who are either largely unable to pay support or determined to avoid doing so at any cost. So there are roughly 400 cases he is handling that require repeated attention and never get fully resolved. (And I’m underestimating, he tells me that over the course of a longer period, such as a full year, just about 95% of his cases will involve a dispute over how much is supposed to be paid and/or how to get it.)

His day is a constant barrage of complaints, every single one being “He’s not paying enough money” or “I’m paying her too much money” or “My check is one day late, can you track him down with hounds, beat the money out of him, and throw him in the pillories?” Amidst all of that, he has to do the only things he can do to solve problems. He can communicate with other state agencies to track down addresses, employers, W-2 information, tax information, and such available data. He can wade through the forms he’s been trained to handle and get a withholding placed on the non-custodial parent’s income. He can redirect complaints about amounts to the adjustments department, which is every bit as overworked as he is. And sometimes he just has to say, “I’m sorry, but if your ex-husband is determined to never pay a cent in support and is simply going to avoid ever holding down a job long enough for us to put in a withholding…well, there’s just nothing we can do.” As for that last one, even reducing his case load wouldn’t help, it’s simply the way things are going to be in a certain (and surprisingly large) number of cases.

So the next time anyone complains about those “do-nothing dolts” at the child support enforcement office, think about this:
1.) Is the child support officer so overloaded with work that maybe I can’t expect instant results?
2.) Could myself and others be helping to solve this by encouraging better funding of those offices, writing my representatives about the issue?
3.) If the officer doesn’t seem to be doing anything, is there something he can do, and do I know any information that might help him?
4.) Am I asking the right department of the DFS about this problem?
5.) If the system is inefficient, that really isn’t the officer’s fault.

And when it’s all said and done, remember that there are simply some things that can’t be solved. If the non-custodial parent isn’t going to work, no state agency or anyone else can force him or her to get a job. Not even a child support enforcement officer can squeeze blood from a stone.

Gah. I wish that this applied to people who aren’t divorced. It should say that on the freakin’ marriage license.

Oh and it’s pretty frightening that domino is a child support officer.

Wildcatz:

That sure sounds like a claim of expertise or specialized knowledge to me.

(originally posted by RexDart) (with inserts by me)


Cry me a fucking river. I’ve seen these moldering cuntcrusts in (in)action, and Dumino’s attitude typifies them. May they all develop multiple, deep, anal fissures.

Domino, don’t let these ‘mouldering cuntcrusts’ with ‘multiple deep anal fissures’ and serious cases of emotional projection get you down. $900 to raise a kid? Peanuts. Monks spend more on their basic needs. Let’s get this straight all. Child support is not a charitable donation. You breed, you pay. (Don’t want kids? Don’t have them. Accidental pregnancy? Surgical sterilization is usually cheaper than a year’s support of a child, whether in your custody or not. Human reproduction is no longer fait accompli). I don’t care if you think your ex is a lazy hobag who nasally vacuums cocaine by the metric tonne and makes martinis from the cum of recidivist convicts with tertiary syphillis. You fucked him/her. And if s/he’s good enough to receive your precious bodily fluids s/he’s good enough to receive your money. Suck it up, write your cheque like a wo/man and quit whining.

(Sauron:above pissing and moaning is not directed at you. Based on presented info, you are trying to deal with this in an ethical and equitable manner. I’ll interpret ‘I don’t mind’ as happy to pay actual costs, which in your case no longer include daycare, ya? )But yeah, I second Domino’s general sentiment of unimpressed apathy for parents who strut about with chests puffed in pride that they actually pay a portion of their children’s macaroni and milk bill.

Chris Rock said it best " ’ I look after my kids!" So? You’re suppose to look after your kids. Whaddya want, a cookie?"

In case above P&M-ing is seen as a bit of man bashing, let me give the lassies a bit of a thump. Quit breeding with assholes! I’m sick of listening to friends, enemies, coworkers and assorted other broads whine about what a tool the kids’ dad is. You think you can figure out buddy’s a shithead/drug addict/molester/beater/borderline psychotic/over the line psychotic before you fuck up the diaphram insertion? Learn how to effectively use your contraception of choice in general, never mind not getting pregnant with said tool on purpose! Again, reproduction not fait accompli, see above, yatta.

How much money, how many societal resources, are sucked away by fuckheaded breeding? Not just fuckheads breeding, but you nice normal types screwing up too? The whole divorce/family law/child support/child support collection apparatus. Police resources tied up in the Cops staple of domestic dispute.
The child welfare and foster care system. The juvie court system. How many million welfare cheques? If people could get it through their heads that babies just don’t ‘happen’; that unwanted pregnancy is preventable with a bit of care and education; and that you really don’t have to have kids if you don’t want them (in western culture, although antichoicers are pissing on this quite heartily) or that if you do want them you can wait until you get your shit together -then maybe we could spend that money on schools and books and have smarter humans instead of trying to repair damaged ones.

I’m not suggesting non breeding. I’m suggesting thoughtful, well considered and actually-being -willing -to- forego- it -if -it- can’t -be- done well breeding.

I don’t think all parents are assholes, but threads like this convince me the assholery rate is well over 50%.

Hey, crotchgnat, create your own ad hominims.

Domino’s statements were ill-conceived (as were you), and her shit-spewing attitude showed through. She contradicted herself regarding the actual costs of raising her own child (sometimes daycare is $400, sometimes $200-300), and I’d hazard a guess that she applies the same unmath when working with her clients. She also foisted a bald-faced lie that I personally know to be untrue in both conception and practice regarding the stoppage of daycare support when the child no longer goes there.

If you care to identify with her second “general sentiment of unimpressed apathy for parents who strut about with chests puffed in pride that they actually pay a portion of their children’s macaroni and milk bill,” then you’re as much an unmitigated idiot as she. Domino fixated on it negatively due to her poisonous mindset even though it wasn’t intended in the way she perceived.

Macaroni and milk. You fucking stiff cumrag, if all I paid for was macaroni and milk, I’d corner the market.

My ire is riled by Child Support workers who have attitudes similar to hers as well as uninformed, stick-up-the-butt, lame-ass lecturers like you who parrot previous platitudes and think they’ve stumbled across an original sentence.

The attitude I’ve witnessed among the several CS workers I’ve met is that mom should be given a complete free ride and that dad should stay out of the child’s life except for handing over his paycheck (in contradiction to Domino’s statement about

That’s another bit of misinformation regarding her office. Their standard reply to, “Most of the time I go to pick up my kid, his mother says he’s at a friend’s house, isn’t ready, I let him go to his gramma’s, etc.,” is “We can’t do anything about that. Get a lawyer.”

Fuck 'em all, and fuck you with what’s left over.

You kiss Ry with that mouth, or does he squirm and turn away from you? You whine like a fat feminist. Suck it up, write your cheque, and get a vasectomy so you don’t have to worry about this in the future. BTW, the child support office collects child support, they don’t do visitation enforcement. The name on the letterhead should have tipped you off as to their job. I hate it when fucktards breed. Every time some fetid festering peckerwood sticks his dick in the foil wrapper instead of the Trojan my taxes go up.

If I had a buck for every failed abortion who think using “momof47’” or “superddad” as their net name makes them a good parent I’d be able to pay for all the therapy Ry’s going to need. Do your kid a favor. Lose the projection and bitterness. You bring shame to the title of ‘fatherhood’.

Bitter much, Rysdad? You are a fine specimen of what Annie is referring to. Quit bitching and pay your child support on time. Your posts have got to have been the most venom filled bile I have ever seen in my life.

Don’t like the way something is happening? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! And, no, posting on an internet message board isn’t doing something about it. Getting jacked around? Go to court. Don’t take it out on an anonymous poster.

There are people on these boards that know me, my son, and how our relationship stands. You couldn’t be more wrong, but I’m sure you’ll try.

My “issues” with child support and enforcement are completely unrelated to my life with my son.

For the first time, I’m speechless as to how to describe what I feel about you at this moment. To denigrate my relationship with my son is inconceivable.

If I knew you, or cared about you, I’d hate you. Instead, I’ll just dismiss you. You’ve proven to me that your words are worthless.

There are people on these boards that know me, my son, and how our relationship stands. You couldn’t be more wrong, but I’m sure you’ll try.

My “issues” with child support and enforcement are completely unrelated to my life with my son.

For the first time, I’m speechless as to how to describe what I feel about you at this moment. To denigrate my relationship with my son is inconceivable.

You’ve proven to me that your words are worthless. If I knew you, or cared about you, I’d hate you. Instead I’ll just dismiss you.

If you’re going to dismiss me I’ll be needing two weeks severance.

Dude, I don’t much care how poetic you wax about the sacred love between father and child, but do realize you are only known here by your words, and indeed buddy, they are foul words. When they are used in association with your life as a parent you come off as a shithead of a dad. As far as you and your son’s relationship, what you type is irrelevant. How you act is. Only Ry can speak to the truth of what you say about that relationship. I hope he agrees with you. For the rest of us, it’s conjecture. Now unplug your keyboard and go call your kid.

Unless it’s past his bedtime or something. It’s past mine, so let us away.

I have met Rysdad and Ry, on a few occasions, and they seem to have a great relationship.

As Rysdad said, his issues are with CS and its enforcement, and has absolutley nothing to do with the relationship he has with his son.

Annie your out of line.

Have to say side with Rysdad on this one.

Beat the crap out of people who refuse to pay CS. I’ll hand you a new baseball bat when you break the first one off.

But holy Mother of God, listen to yourselves! These men love their children and want to help take care of them to the best of their means! What in God’s own name can you find wrong with that? They aren’t slavering slobbery praises to a system that treats them like criminals and fucks them over at every chance? They aren’t meekly accepting it when an over arrogant bitch tells them that they don’t measure up, when quite frankly, they do?

Do you want them to mail you thier blood in a jar or what? Rhysdad may not be using the best language to express it, but You have to SEE HE HAS A POINT! And Domino still has apologised to stinkpalm for being such a crude bitch to him. While Annie over here decides that since she’s losing the logical standpoint she’ll attack Rhysdad’s relationship with his son. (Which she can only know is important to him because hes a decent parent)

Shove off and go suck the blood out of people who deserve it, really. Take on the dead beats and the child molesters. People who are, oh I don’t know, actually hurting children. As for you ire at good wo/men, suck it the fuck up.

Sheesh.

This is just typical stereotyping of the father in a divorce. I have only been divorced for a few months, but in those few months I have heard people try to “reason” with me about how my situation is typical because the mom’s “typically” are better at taking care of the kids. Most divorced fathers have heard this on more than one occasion. Just the same as any father who isn’t doing backflips because he is paying child support.

Some, not all, would be doing backflips if their child lived with them. The best you can hope for with CS is that the father is content.

I am content.

As far as Domino goes, I guess I don’t really have any serious problems with her. I haven’t heard her say anything since this thing turned into a shit storm on the first page. I think she just has some thick blinders on and is unable to see the whole picture for what it is because of the people she deals with on a daily basis. Its an unfortunate circumstance.

That’s sure not what happened to me. As I mentioned, my finances were scrutinized with a fine-tooth comb, by the CS workers and my ex and his lawyer at our hearing. Not only was I expected to work, but several times it was suggested I get a ‘better’ job. As another poster mentioned, I had gone back to school (to better be able to support myself and my daughter), and was basically told, “Drop out of school, you can’t afford it, you need to just find a higher paying job right now.” What kind of fucked-up logic is that?!?
I was smart enough not to listen to that “advice,” completed school, and even got my Master’s.

Never, ever was I given a “free ride” of any kind. I have paid back all my student loans, every single penny. As a single parent, I got a couple of grants for books, that was the only ‘freebie’ I ever got.