Well, I can sympathize with the frustration of being dragged into a tradition that you don’t care for.
But let’s look at it from the other side–and let’s take my family so you’re out of it for a moment. Just for the sake of seeing it another way. When a family has a beloved tradition that means a lot to them, that is about giving and being generous to one another, it might seem to be the natural (and might I add complimentary) thing to include in-laws as a matter of course. I mean, I can’t imagine my in-laws saying “We want to give gifts to everyone this year as a part of our special family Secret Santa custom … oh, but there’s Cranky. Let’s think about Cranky. She’s not really family, for one thing, and maybe she doesn’t want to be included. It’d be rude to include her. We better ask first.” I can’t imagine how hurt I would feel, as a daughter-in-law, to have my in-laws ASK me if I wanted to be included in a family tradition. I’d feel like they were excluding me, sending me a not-so-subtle message that I am not fully accepted in the family. I’d think they were pretty rude to boot.
Okay, I realize that in your case, you don’t feel this way. You’re not into it. You’d rather they ask so you could tell them no. But to a loving family who adores their traditions, isn’t it possible that your inlaws consider it inclusive and kind to assume you’ll be included? Rather than inconsiderate and rude as you see it from your side? I’m not saying you are wrong to not wish to be included (although I do think there is something to be said for family harmony and throwing in and just doing stuff, even stuff that bugs you, for the sake of peace and family relations). But I am saying that maybe they weren’t as rude/clueless/jerky to do what they did.
dickwad, I mean astro, I will refer you to my earlier post:
Now, maybe I may have gone a little overboard on my OP, but it is no secret to my wife that I could really do without her family. I tolerate them because I love her. People do things like that when you are in love. I will probably end up doing this for her because of that fact. I decided to blow off some steam from the incident by posting my more aggressive feelings here and not by blowing up at her.
And as for my marriage to Mrs. Amp, hell yeah the monkey sex was good. But I will tell you what, it has been more than monkey sex that has kept us happily married for more than 6 1/2 years.
Also my son is growing up and will continue to grow up in a stable and loving home. Not like the shit hole you probably grew up in. You seem to have a lot of anger buddy. Might want to see someone about that.
Ahem - I agree with Astro. The level of anger and lack of respect expressed in the OP, directed towards his spouse, is something that a child is definitely going to pick up on. The OP started his post with “Damn you.” directed towards his wife; even when we are in a snit about something (like Christmas traditions), we do not wish our loved ones to be forever tortured in the pits of hell. Not if we truly love them. One thing I would say in Amp’s defense is that his wife should show a unified front with him in front of the in-laws. Arguing with him in front of them shows a lack of respect from her towards her husband.
You can’t give your wife’s family one day of your life each year, when it is something that means so much to them?
My fiance isn’t as “in to” Christmas as I am, but he’s giving not one but three of the four days vacation time he has this year to our families. First his family are celebrating on the 23rd, then my father’s family are having a get together on the 24th, then my mother’s family are doing Christmas lunch on the 25th. Since I don’t have a licence, he’ll be the one to drive us all over the countryside to attend these family gatherings. He’s not overjoyed about it, but he’s not complaining because he knows how much it means to me, to his mother, to my mother and to the rest of the family. On the 26th, he’ll take it easy and on the 27th, he’ll be back at work as usual.
Perhaps it was just Amp’s phrasing in the OP, but what struck me as a bit incongruous was his wife’s family’s idea of “celebrating Jesus’ birthday” by doing a “Secret Santa” exchange. Exactly which part of the Bible is that in again?
My husband sometimes does this to me. Wants me to attend every single family function that goes on. I have absolutely nothing against his family at all and I don’t mind spending time with them. But sometimes I just don’t want to. Then he starts his little whining bit about how if I don’t go he’s not going and he promised his parents he would,etc. So? I didn’t promise anyone anything and if I don’t want to go I won’t go. I look at it this way. If someone doesn’t want to be somewhere, they are going to be miserable and make everyone else around them miserable too. People can sense these things and they are not blind. They can tell that you don’t want to be there. If I were your wife, I’d just let you stay at home and do whatever it is you want to do and I’d go do my thing with my family and have a wonderful time enjoying being around people that DO want to be together. Bottom line, don’t complain when you don’t have as much time with her.
One issue I have with your post. You show a definite lack of respect for your wife and your marriage when you come on a message board before complete strangers and say the things you’ve said, in the manner you said them. Respect is respect, hidden or open. Just because this is a place that your wife likely won’t see doesn’t give you the right to speak about her with such disrespect. Doesn’t earn you any respect here.
Fuck me, amp? Fuck me? You’d best work on those anger issues, toad. Anyone who said to me the things you say about your wife would be out of my life in a hot second.
Again, please seek counseling before your lack of common decency for your wife seriously fucks up your life, and that of your child.
…you are self centered to the nth degree. Whether you think Christmas is too commercialized or not, it is not about YOU! Perhaps you could invite them to participate in some of your newfound traditions. You say you do not celebrate like most do for the holidays. I am sure her family would like to see how the Christmas Holidays have evolved in your life. I am sure you have some valuable and worthwile ways of celebrating. You should really share.
I would <b>never</b> EVER speak of my wife in the way you just did. You are speaking of how you want them to respect you and your wishes. Well would it hurt you so terribly to suck it up, be a man, buy a gift certificate for whoever drew your name in Secret Santa and go visit your wife’s family during the holidays? It will make her happy. You married her because you love her right? You LIKE to see her happy right? You even sometimes place her happiness above your own, right? Then do this without making her miserable.
You say your kid is being raised in a good environment. I find it hard to believe someone who thinks spouting this diatribe of vulgarities and disrespect against his wife and her family would be capable of discerning good vs. bad for his child.
Character is what you do when no one is looking. I guess that applies to what you say while you are anonymous on a web board as well. I could not fathom ever saying ,uch less taking the time to type out something so hurtful about my wife, even if I knew she would never find out.
Hey, how OLD are you anyway? Because it seems to me someone old enough to be married and have a child would have some understanding of the give and take involved in family dynamics. For crying out loud, it’s ONE DAY of your life. If you want to assert just how strongly you run against the mainstream (something most people do in junior high school) do it on the 26th of December.
Your child is, of course, picking this all up from you: The combativeness, the selfishness, the mouthiness. If you haven’t already put him in a situation in which he feels he has to “take sides” you will soon. This is your wife and family you’re speaking about in this manner…not some raunchy office gossip.
The only mystery to me is why they want you around at all.
Just don’t go. Don’t attend. If it’s at your house, leave. Show your contempt that way. Maybe you could tell them all how you feel before you leave. A hearty “fuck you” will work.
Or do the gun thing I suggested earlier. That will really get your point across.
Who knew that three guys from the East would draw Baby Jesus’s name? At least you don’t have to follow a star to Bethlehem of Judea to find your inlaws.
Why do you feel the need to make assumptions about something you don’t know anything about? You do not know if my wife and I fight about this in front of him. You know nothing of the relationship between me and my wife. All you know is that I posted a rant which had some very over the top language.
You shouldn’t make assumptions. After all, you know what they say…
Who is making assumptions. People are drawing the reasonable conclusion that you treat your wife with contempt from your own post.
and
Wake up you dumb ass
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and
If you talk about your wife with such acid contempt here, is it such a stretch to think you talk to her the same way? I feel sorry for your son. Hell, I WAS your son. (In another family, but you know what I mean)
