To the boys in my dorm:

The BBQ Pit
1

Boys, you’re being so fucking stupid. You’re 19 years old and drug abusers.

Back in the beginning of the year, we hung out. We went to parties together, and got along just great. Somewhere along the way, many of you started drinking excessively, getting drunk every night of the week. I started to stop partying with you; I had no desire to keep up.

The pot was one thing; I mean, it’s not a huge deal. Not something I have any desire to take part in, but I have nothing against it. But then you all started the drugs. Constantly mushrooms, LSD, salvia, snorted Ritalin, prescription pain meds, Xanax, and who the hell knows what else. I watched as you all fucked yourselves up, tried to keep at least a bit of a watch on you all in case there was a medical emergency. There were no extremely negative consequences for you; although I almost wish there had been, to snap some sense into you.

I’ve watched as you’ve skipped classes, hell, skipped exams. You’d think that one of your buddies leaving due to failing out, and the fact that you’re all on academic probation would penetrate into someone’s skull, but apparently not.

But you know what? Now, this is the last straw. You’re doing cocaine. This isn’t just some college partying. This is serious shit that can mess you up for good. You can get a lifetime addiction, you can die.

I don’t know what to do with you all. If I were smart, I’d just cut myself off from you and stop worrying. But I can’t. Somehow, I started caring about you.

J, I care a lot about you. You’re an incredible person. You’re not doing drugs like the rest of them are. I almost would have entered into a relationship with you, but you know what drove me away? That night that you got really, really, really drunk and the sweet guy you normally are was replaced by a belligerent jackass.

E, I’m worrying about you and your drug test. I know they said that if you passed the last one, you wouldn’t have to take another for a month, but it was still stupid to go to the meetings (mandated after a DUI) with cocaine and pot in your system. They shouldn’t have tested you, but they did, and now you’re fucked. I care about you way more than I should. Part of that’s because I slept with you earlier this year, but the biggest part of it is that I see so much potential in you. You’re so intelligent, and so incredibly talented. I think you’re an amazing guy, but you’re drinking and snorting your life away.

T, I was glad that you weren’t drinking yourself into oblivion every night, until I realized the extent of the drugs you’re doing. Seriously, dude, stop it. You’re going to kill yourself.

P, I’m done with dealing with you. I don’t think I’ve seen you anything approaching sober in months. I don’t even know what to do with you anymore (oh, and stop slapping my ass, now).
And as for the rest of you, I don’t even know what you’re doing. But I know it needs to stop. I’m worried about you.

I don’t know what I’m looking for here; I just really needed to vent. And as an added sidenote, these are all college freshmen. Also, I personally refuse to touch any of this stuff except alcohol.

2

Good for you, for staying away.

Freshman year is very difficult for some. They move away from home for the first time and suddenly there is no one acting as their conscience. It’s good that you try, but unfortunately for both of you, you are a peer, not the voice of God (as channeled through a good Mother).

3

Do you have an RA or anyone that you can talk to about this? I know it can feel like tattling, but it sounds like these guys need help, and it shouldn’t have to be your problem.

4

It is not her problem. She needs to mind her own damn business.

5

I think Xanax is far more dangerous than cocaine, and I really hate cocaine.

6

If she has to live with them, then it is her problem.

And even if she doesn’t, it’s still her problem (to some extent) if she genuinely cares about them.

7

And while you’re at it fellas, quit blocking up the shower drains. It’s gross.

8

I disagree. Unless it causes her physical harm or causes her to have trouble in her studies that are directly linked to these guys getting fucked up then it is not any of her business what these guys do.

9

Keeerist, Dorms are co-ed now??? I would never have made it to class, and it would not have been because of drugs. With co-ed dorms what the hell is the incentive to ever leave school?

10

I want to say it gets better, but I’d be lying. Either these people will fail out after freshman year, or continue to marginalize themselves as they somehow manage to avoid flunking out. As you are already seeing, you can’t make them stop, and involving yourself is only likely to drag you down with them. You’ll have to decide for yourself whether you want to cut off all contact, or remain supportive if they genuinely want to stop their destructive behavior. The last part there is very important. Don’t compromise your integrity for their sake.

If any of them are your roommates, go to the RA or whomever and tell them you want out. Do it now. If they get in any kind of trouble, legal or otherwise, you don’t want to be associated with them.

11

Jesus Christ. Is this really a pitting of college boys doing drugs, including. . .oh my god!!! COCAINE?

What’s next, pitting a car salesman for being pushy?

12

So worth the risk to click on that :smiley:

13

Which part of caring for her friends whose abuse is causing them problems don’t you understand.

If some stranger abuses drugs up in North Dakota, it isn’t my business.

If my best friend abuses drugs, it is my business, because I care for him and I’m going to want to help him.

This isn’t talking about the guy smoking a joint every other week.

14

Except it sounds like these guys are going off the deep end with this. It doesn’t sound like it’s just an occasional party. And the OP said she didn’t have much of a problem with pot.

How things have changed! When we were in college, we did drugs but we also kept our grades up and went to class. And we liked it!! :slight_smile:

15

I think most college kids experiement with drugs in their freshman year. I sure as hell did, as did all of my friends. It’s almost a rite of passage (not for everyone of course). Fortunately I had the sense to stop while I was ahead and recognize that it could potentially turn into a bit of a problem if I didn’t chill out. Which I did.

Anyway, I’m with the “none of your business” camp. They’re not your responsibility. If they flunk out, that’s their problem. I still have plenty of friends who do coke on special occasions and I’m not about to call 911. Now, if they start stealing shit from you to pay for their habits or start to accumulate frequent flier miles at your nearest emergency room, then it may be time to step in. But for now, it just sounds like your run of the mill college freshman dorm experience to me.

16

It sounds exactly like my first two years of college passed through the filter of a worry-wart. I never did coke, but plenty of other guys did.

My first 6 weeks of college. . .holy shit. I was drunk 4-5 nights a week, EASILY. Before two weeks were up, I’d fallen, and cut my chin open so bad I had to go to the local emergency room for stitches. I went to New York City with my roommate on the Columbus Day break and we bought LSD and Mushrooms from a guy and brought them back to the dorm for everyone.

I drank so much I blacked out regularly.

Believe it or not, I turned out fine, and so did most of my pals. These guys she’s describing sound just like a million guys I knew at college. . .not the “average” ones for sure. But the ones who partied hard. And that’s what some guys do at college.

17

Holy jizzmonkey Batman, these guys spew in such quantity as to BLOCK THE SHOWERE DRAIN!!!

I am impressed.

18

Does your location say ‘drug school’?

19

There have been coed college dorms in the US since the first ones at Oberlin College in the 1960s.

When I went to college in the 90s at University of Maryland, coed dorms were the default. There were men’s and women’s dorms, but you usually had to specifically request them. Roommates were always of the same sex, and usually there were different wings of each floor for men and women.

20

Go figure. I went to college in the eighties, never heard of a co-ed dorm. Not saying its a bad idea, you learn something new everyday.