And could hypothetically function normally as to not interrupt their studies and work?
I’m 20 and got a job in December before I left for holidays. My extreme anti-drug parents said that so long as I don’t steal and assault them or others for drug money, get good grades in my university, and use common sense, I can hang out with my “reasonable” classmates that do softish drugs. (Strickly no injecting things though says mother).
Some have said to me in my uni that this is f*cking insane and I either must be lying or have completely relaxed parents, some are indifferent, and others are understanding.
i would wonder how or why this would this come up.
i would argue that they aren’t extreme anti-drug, because if they were they wouldn’t allow it no matter what you did.
i would say that a mother having a conversation about how you did drugs (“no injecting things”) would be a strange conversation.
i would wonder if you’re away at school how they’d know what you were doing anyway.
i would wonder how the hell they would plan to police who you hang out with.
i would wonder why they think you’d listen.
i would wonder what your & their life consisted of the previous 19 years that they didn’t actually impart, or try to, their feelings & thoughts into you that they felt the need to try & do so now, from under different roofs no less.
i would wonder what the purpose of you asking our opinion was.
Not no but hell no. My family has a rather extreme history of drug and alcohol abuse combined with successful suicides. I have already coached my daughters against it. I hope they never take a drink in their lives although they probably will and there is not much I can do about it except tell them the risks. Harder drugs are going to land them straight in extended rehab and they know that. That is what responsible parents do.
Marijuana may not be considered to be that bad in general but I had a recent girlfriend that screwed up her life over it as well. She smoked so much every day that she had to start dealing to support her own habit as a late teenager and that still causes serious issues with her family even though she is now in her mid-30’s.
Nancy Reagan was right. Say no to drugs. I am not a Puritan myself especially when it comes to alcohol but they aren’t something you want to play with. Things like opiate addictions take down the careers of successful people and kill many more just because the way that the rapidly built up addiction works. You may think it won’t happen to you but it probably will if you do it enough times. There is no one that is immune to becoming addicted strongly to many different types of drugs and you will lose control over your life when that happens.
This isn’t a scare message. I am speaking from experience both academically and personally. Rehab is no fun and not worth it even if it works at all (it usually doesn’t).
I was OK with my 16 year old smoking marijuana, even in her bedroom. She paid for it with her own part time job money.
I basically said “I can’t stop you from smoking it. Just be careful, and don’t overdo it.”
She’s 20 now and is a good kid with a decent job.
When I was about 18 my parents found a gram of hash in my coat. We had a similar conversation and they didn’t even confiscate it. I probably smoke the odd puff about 3 or 4 times a year at this point.
I think that’s better than freaking out about it, like my ex did.
The bottom line is that the drugs the OP is talking about are presumably illegal. So even if you discount the physical and mental risks, there’s the risk of getting arrested and imprisoned. I wouldn’t approve of my child taking that unnecessary risk.
I would say no. There are two reasons, neither of which have anything to do with whether the use of recreational drugs is “wrong” or “right”.
The human brain in most cases is not fully mature until around 25 years of age. Using recreational drugs before than can reduce full brain functioning since the brain is still maturing.
Unless you are a chemistry major, and can test the drugs, you never know what you are getting. Marijuana is more likely to be OK, but if you are talking about any pill form or powder form drug, you really have no idea. Wait until 25 to roll the dice.
I have daughters in their 20’s. Part of my job was to prepare them to make these decisions on their own, to be able to navigate the world when I’m not there. So it might seem like you’ve been given permission to do softish drugs, but I’m seeing it as acknowledging that you’re 20 and therefore an adult, you are going to do your own thing, and you’ll probably be fine as long as it’s reasonable and limited. Pretty sure they’re hoping you won’t make a habit out of it.
I’m of the opinion that there are no guaranteed harmless drugs, and my kids know that.
Would I be ok with my teenaged children doing drugs if they paid for it with money they earned on their own and it didn’t interfere with normal interaction with the world? No, I would not. Speaking from experience, having tried cocaine once, and really really liking marijuana and LSD and 'shrooms in my own teen years I can tell you it WILL interfere with how your brain functions and how you interact with the world.
Take math as an example. Before I started smoking weed (I started at around age 12, was a serious dope smoker by 13), math was moderately easy for me. I had to do the work, but it wasn’t difficult to master, but after I started smoking weed, math suddenly got much harder and I have never regained the ease I used to have with numbers.
Is my teenaged child over the age of 18, living in their own home paying their bills with their own money that they earn from a job? No I’m not going to like it and yes I will probably speak my mind about once, but if they are fully independent, they are fully independent. Their house, their rules, no matter how much I don’t like it.
Nitpicking his post doesn’t negate the message, which is spot on. I’m also the parent of an opioid and alcohol addict, with a long and dismal history of alcohol abuse in my family going way back. It’s a scourge that is basically impossible to stop. Hope that you never have to learn about it first-hand.
Nope, not ok at all. And I can’t imagine why anyone would do something that messes up their brain. I don’t smoke, drink or do drugs. I like my brain to be fully functioning.
Once they’re in college and away from home, I assume they’ll come across and try pot and soft drugs. I still have about 15 years before I have to start worrying about this. I will hope that my wife and I will have instilled a proper sense of values by then that they’re able to make their own responsible decisions. I don’t particularly mind or care if they’re casual users and otherwise fine.
Now, before then, while in my house? Absolutely not.
The urge to use mind altering substances goes all the way back to primitive man. In fact there is a theory that certain plants evolved psychedelic characteristics as they had a symbiotic relationship with animals and humans. So it’s not hard to imagine that some people will be more likely to be drawn to that experience than others, this is wired into us. Some people are completely rational and reason out every decision, but not everyone’s brain works like that.
Recreational drug/alcohol use is somewhat analogous to people that engage in very dangerous pursuits for the “fun of it”; whether it’s cliff diving or bungee jumping or performing pull-ups without a parachute on the top of a skyscraper. Sure would not be my choice, since dying in such pursuits is just as irresponsible as a death from an overdose, but I do understand why some people are drawn to these things.
that “theory” was come up with by a guy (Terence McKenna) who spend a lot of time tripping out of his gourd and advocating the use of hallucinogens and said “theory” is little more than “well, there’s no other reason I can think of for these plants/fungi to develop such substances.”
not exactly an impartial source.
I mean, tobacco plants develop nicotine as a built-in insecticide. By his “theory” they develop it to get us hooked on it.
I would prefer they didn’t. Even if it were just marijuana and even if we lived someplace where it was legal, my feeling is that their time would be better spent on doing something other than getting high.
No, because my son who didn’t steal or assault anyone or let anything interfere with his studies or work, and who paid for it with his own money, and who only hung out with “reasonable” classmates and was only doing softish drugs fucked up on the common sense part and decided he could drive while stoned. While he didn’t get in an accident, he did get lost on the way home from his friend’s house and took more than 45 minutes for a drive that should have taken less than 10.
I don’t endorse anything that’s pretty much guaranteed to lead you into doing something stupid, and that includes getting either drunk or high.