The guy – while most likely somewhat impaired, not necessarily, maybe even most likely not, a creep.
His behavior – creepy nonetheless. Because for every 100 harmless guys in this situation, there is one sexual predator, and unfortunately I completely see why **RedRoses **would be freaked out by this
It’s sad that as a society we’re still in a day and age where it is true that a woman alone has to have real worries about being attacked, more than just the background “you could get hit by a bus” anxiety, and yet this is the case.
Since the guy was in all likelihood not the sharpest knife in the drawer, social-skills-wise (that’s part of how they end up on the street), it’s probably useless to berate him for “not knowing better,” either.
RedRoses, I’m sorry this happened to you, but I second the “have some protection on you” and “call the cops in this situation” sentiments. It’s terrible that you can’t just enjoy the silent, late hours on your own without worrying about being attacked, but that is a fact of life
I’d say he did something wrong - trying to talk to someone who is clearly not interested in conversing with you is obnoxious as hell. Even if he wasn’t a rapist, murderer, or MP3 pirate, he was still a plain old jerk.
Cryptoderk and GuanoLad, starting when we’re little girls, women are bombarded with advice not to walk alone at night, not to talk to strange men, check under your car and in the backseat before getting in it, carry your keys between your fingers as a weapon when you’re in a dark parking lot, etc, ad nauseum. Most women know at least one other woman who’s been raped. (Admittedly, usually by a man she already knows.) Most men are not rapists or predators, but we’ve been conditioned to be aware of the ones who might be. It sucks having to think like that, and it sucks that perfectly innocent men get viewed with suspicion because of it. But it’s hard to ignore all of those messages, especially when you feel like you could be placing yourself in danger by doing so.
Yeah, except if you were thinking that last part there you’d be on your merry way. This guy hung around, for reasons that are not congenial to your scenario.
Am I the only person who thinks a lone woman (or man for that matter) doing laundry in an empty laundromat * after midnight * is more than a little fucking foolish? I know exactly the location** Redroses ** is referring to and it is indeed not a great part of town.
I’m glad you didn’t come to any harm, ** Redroses **, but Christ, use some sense next time, wouldya? I really don’t want to read about you in the Times, ya know?
Not much to add other than that I’m aware that as a decent-sized guy I have no idea of what reasonably concerns women in many situations I never gave a second thought to. I admit that I can be on the clueless side, but I recall being surprised to hear some women all agree that they would not get on an elevator that had a single guy on it. Or hearing that many/most women ALWAYS check the back seat of their parked car before entering it.
So I am in no position to consider the OP’s concern anything other than reasonable and appropriate.
I’m not an idiot (well, I may be). I understand that the OP was concerned for cultural reasons, and that most women would feel similarly. That doesn’t make their reaction any less ridiculous.
I am indeed a guy, and live in a ridiculously crime free area (although at the moment I’m not in one). Again, that doesn’t matter. I also know some women who’ve been “raped” - and not a single one was a deranged stranger jumping them in the street. The latter are extraordinarily rare - at a guess I suspect there’s about one or two a week in the whole UK.
All the “rapes” that I’m aware of were by the women’s SOs, and usually because the SO was drunk and the woman was (often unreasonably) witholding sex. There is no excuse for that sort of behaviour, and it’s a perfectly acceptable reason to split up with someone. But it’s hardly a serious personal violation, and I think most reasonable women would agree with this - which is one of the reasons that these rapes are under-reported… certainly years in gaol are not warrernted for such an offence.
But I digress. This sort of fear (of men, black people, children wearing hoods) is very unhealthy for society and the individual imo. This was just some random, probably stoned, loser trying to talk to you and you feel worried by the incident enough to have to pit him! It must be horrible to live like that.
“…unreasonably) withholding sex”. I have news for you, you fuckwit. It is mine. I do not have to have a reason to withhold it. It is not yours to stick your pencil dick in whenever you feel the urge.
Amidst all this clamor over strangers in dark abandoned places at midnight and the lessons to be learned therefrom, maybe one solution resides in this paragraph from the OP:
So I had a lot of laundry to do. I’ve been slacking, and it’s been building up for a month. I decided to go to a laundromat to get it done in 2 hours instead of 8 if I had done it in the laundry room at my apartment.Don’t slack any more.
Bolding mine. Where did you get the idea that the guy gave up?
He approached her twice, each time getting bolder. Even when she was evasive and obviously demonstrating that he made her uncomfortable he hung in there.
All of the wrong components where in place for this guy. In an isolated area… no logical reason to be there… no logical reason to be sitting at a bus stop…no logical reason to continue talking to a woman that clearly wanted to avoid him… he’s getting baked right outside the front door…he returns to pester her. Common Sense would tell any reasonable human that this guy is at best an asshole and at worst some loser who’s trying to screw up the courage to molest a stranger.
You Brits really need a little bit of common sense.
If they guy had done anything in any way to you, other than ask you for a light and engage you inconversation, I would side with you, but he didn’t. Maybe it didn’t occur to him that someone who would do laundry alone at night in a dodgy neighborhood was squeamish about strangers talking to them- I would assume someone doing what you were was not scared of shit.
Would it have been a problem if he did everything he did, yet was also doing laundry?
Maybe that’s not a bad thing, the British Crime Survey 2004/2005 edition reported that 23% of British women had experienced sexual assault since the age of 16. Link
(For the purposes of that survey, not all sexual assaults are rape, but I imagine that most people aren’t too anxious to be victims of any form of sexual assault.)
Male who lives in a relatively low crime area (and who occasionally smokes pot) chiming in - I think the guy described in the OP was definitely acting creepy, and the writer of the OP had very good reason to be concerned.
The guy was either (i) incredibly stupid or (ii) had bad intentions.
