I guess. The whole thing just makes me sad, though, that one person can’t talk to another person without the second person assuming they’re going to do something bad. But I tend to talk to strangers, and also don’t always get “vibes”, so maybe I’m the wrong person to give input on this part.
Please let me give an answer to that.
Because someone who displays tendencies to invade personal space and ignore disinterested vibes may have an unpredictable reaction to being told “No.” The worst thing that can happen if someone is making you uncomfortable is purposefully escalate the situation into a confrontation.
In college I asked a grounds employee to leave me alone after he had waited for me outside of two classroom buildings. He followed me to my car shouting “Stuck up Bitch” and “Cunt”. I asked security guard to escort me to my car after being followed to several stores in a mall, and that man later pulled up beside me at a traffic light 3 miles from the mall to yell “Why did you make that cop walk you out?!? Are you afraid of me? Why did you do that?” I am much older now and I rarely get approached by strangers, but when I was younger I frequently had bad experiences with escaping unwanted attention, as did my sister and girlfriends. Getting crowded or followed is nerve-wracking anywhere that is outside of a social situation.
Now that I am older and a little bit wiser (and get approached far less frequently), I politely tell whomever is crowding me that I am waiting for my husband. This almost always works- but when it doesn’t- I pretend to pick my nose. (So do my sister and girlfriends. Works.) And I carry mace and a cell phone just in case an imaginary husband and disgusting behavior fail to convey my lack of interest.
But ultimately, I would still rather be able to do shopping, laundry, and other mundane chores at any time without being afraid to do so alone- just like RedRoses. It is true that there is no guarantee of safety in a laundromat at midnight, but RedRoses didn’t take the laundry out with the hope of being chatted up or offered weed- she went to wash her clothes.
ETA- C3 said it more concisely. What she said.
It’s all about context. I talk to strangers all the time - in the grocery store, if I see a neighbor while I walk the dog, if I’m waiting in line somewhere, etc. If I was in that same laundromat in the OP doing my laundry alone at midnight, and that guy had walked in with a basket of laundry, proceeded to throw a load in, then chatted to me while he waited, I would be pretty comfortable with that (that was, in fact, how I met a guy I ended up in a pretty serious relationship with). It wasn’t just that he was male, just that it was late, just that it was secluded. To me, it seems like it was mostly that he really had no reason to be there, “seemed” creepy (which could be made up of numerous factors…dress, body language, facial expressions), and acted in a way that was out of societal norms (offered illegal drugs to a stranger).
It *is * sad, Captain Amazing. Please don’t stop talking to strangers, though-I love to talk to strangers and will chat with anyone anywhere and am always happy to do so. The major “vibes” to look out for are non-responsive answers, and obviously protective body langauge like deliberately putting space between two people. People who are happy to talk will smile, ask questions and generally keep the conversation going.
Let me chime in with C3 and Beaucarna: this doesn’t work. Especially if the person is drunk or stoned. In fact, it prolongs the conversation, “Why you wanna say that to me? I’m not a bad guy. Why are you so stuck up?,” etc. And the person (in my case, always a man, I’ve never had a woman do this to me) starts getting angry and defensive. Which can be very intimidating if you’re in a place without other people around.
Google Brian Peppers.
Holy Shit!
If anyone needs me I’ll be hiding under my bed.
Bullshit. EVERY rape is violent. And I would say that rape by someone you know could possibly be worse-knowing someone you may like/love, respect, etc, is such a monster.
Either way, it’s not up to YOU to judge, assmunch.
So rape is a better alternative than, oh, I dunno-breaking up with said person?
Don’t get me wrong, the guy described in the OP would creep me out, too, but if you don’t have to nerve to say the quoted text to him, then I think you have a limited right to complain (let alone call the cops).
Now, it would be a delicate conversation. As others have pointed out, even the slightest bit of rudeness might lead to a confrontation. But I’ve lived in Manhattan all my life and dealt with more than my fair share of random street crazies, and I’ve never had a bad reaction to politely informing a wierdo that I’d like him to move on. OTOH, I’ve seen lots of ugly encounters come about by rudeness to creeps (including pretending like they don’t exist).
HUH? By definition, it does.
See, as stated above (note the gender neutral language), I didn’t know Mr. Creepy was a man until going back into the laundromat and keeping an eye on him through the window. I walked back into the laundromat to avoid any contact with the person walking down the street. Why? Because I’m not friendly, I don’t like talking to strangers, and I’d rather be left the hell alone. I went back inside to avoid the person, gender aside, because even a polite exchange of hellos is annoying to me. So I’m antisocial. This was not frightening at this point. No creepdar going off at this point, that didn’t start until the sitting on the bus stop bench, and really went off with the comment about pot. So I wasn’t pissed that some guy was out after dark.
He didn’t just try to talk to me, he engaged in suspicious behavior. It’s not like he was sitting on the bench when I got there and I got mad at him for creeping me out, he was out walking and chose to sit down directly in front of the laundromat when he saw me there, then approached me and tried to make conversation. My entire point is that men should understand that unaccompanied women will not appreciate their attention, particularly in certain situations. It’s bad enough that I get accosted on the walk home from the store in the afternoon, or have to invent fake boyfriends to deter would-be suitors while I’m waiting for friends at a bar.
Why didn’t I just tell this guy to leave me alone? Because guys that persist in bothering a woman when she is clearly not interested, whether in the grocery store or at a laundromat, are either missing the ability to correctly interpret unwelcoming body language and tone of voice, or just don’t care. With either one of these types am I not keen to escalate the situation, because it has happened in the past that these guys become more aggressive when they feel they have been rebuked.
Beaucarnea and C3 have explained it fairly well. I am guessing that most guys in this thread that don’t understand the problem don’t have any experience being harassed by strangers to the point of fearing for their own safety (outside of the random drunk talking shit and threatening violence at a bar, which wouldn’t scare me, just piss me off. Getting my ass kicked? Unpleasant and something I try to avoid. Getting raped? Probably the most vicious, disgusting violation I can think of.) Let’s see… I’ve had a strange man approach me (in broad daylight) and try to get me to touch his obvious erection. I’ve had drunk guys outside of a concert having loud, disgusting conversations about what sexual acts they’d like to perform on me and a friend. I’ve been followed when out running. Not to mention almost daily getting "hey baby"s as I pass or getting the lewd look-up-and-down.
Men might be equally creeped out by similar behavior from women, but men don’t have the obvious physical disadvantages that women do. I can kick ass and take names just fine, but even an average guy is bound to have more upper body strength than I do, and I’d be SOL if a guy tackled me from behind.
I pitted this guy for his creepy behavior, and my behavior became the issue. I don’t think doing my laundry at night is akin to walking through South Central with $100 bills pinned to my shirt. You may think my actions unwise (although I think my own vigilance and readiness mitigates the risk in such situations), but I don’t see how you can deny that a guy who continues to harass an uninterested woman is at least a little rude, if not a downright asshole.
(Maybe instead I should have started a pit thread about the subset of men who find annoying lone women at night a reasonable pursuit, or that the correct response to being told firmly to shut the fuck up about what you’d like to do to my pussy is “My cock wouldn’t fit down your throat anyway.” Whatever.)
I am used to people defending the stupidest things in the Pit, but I simply cannot beilieve there are people snarking the OP for her feelings. She didn’t call the cops, she didn’t mace the guy, she let his creepy behavior slide. And some of you are climbing her ass because the guy gave her the creeps and she came here to vent about it.
What a bunch of assholes.
Here, people are offended even by other people’s feelings.
Also, do not even mention something unique about an individual and complain about their behavior. We’re all genderless, colorless, ageless, hairless, raceless, ethnicityless, languageless, heightless, and weightless.
You haven’t picked up on this stuff yet?
Do you always go into threads, wait for about five people to make the same point, wait for said point to be rebuffed and then forgotten, and only then make said point? Or is it a coincidence that you’ve done that in every thread I’ve seen you post in?
You’re missing the point here I think. Creepiness is actually quite a good heuristic for staying away from trouble. One of the reasons that it keeps you out of trouble is that your average woman errs on the sign of caution and therefore has a lot of false positives.
The problem is with the pitting of someone for being “creepy”. That’s just stupid.
Wait a minute … really?
No need to be like that. Guinastasia is as informed a critic on sex and relationships as you could wish to meet.
And I’m the Venerable Bede in blackface and drag, posting this while riding a unicycle blindfolded.
Maybe. Do you always spew the same, stupid, offensive bullshit?
Nope. Sometimes I don’t express myself as clearly as other people express themselves, but at least I’m posting original, coherent, and moral thoughts.