To the girl who works at 7-11 (kinda lame)

Listen. You could be really cute if you just didn’t fuck up your eyebrows like that. You shave them, then draw them on with a pencil. I hate to break it to you, but everyone knows that those thin black lines on your face aren’t real. I mean, they really look like crap. Grow your eyebrows back and you’ll look 200% better. Usually I’m not one to judge other people’s looks, but man, those things make my skin crawl when I come in every morning to get my hot Earl Grey and Special K cereal bar.

Now maybe you had some horrible disfiguring accident which rendered you eyebrowless. If that’s the case, you have my sympathy. But I can’t imagine any accident which would totally remove your eyebrows and leave the rest of your forehead untouched.

Now that we’ve talked, please spread the word to other the other ladies that shaving your eyebrows and painting them on with a grease pencil is not sexy, is not cute, and is not attractive. Thanks for your time.

Yours truly,

That Guy Who Comes in in the Morning and Refuses to Make Eye Contact with You

Is she related to the cashier at Save-On-Foods in Saanich who’d also be sort of cute if she didn’t do the same freaky-fake-eyebrow thing?

Just wondering.

'Cause I stared at her all the way through the checkout line.

Word. One of my summer job cowokers did that, and it drove me nuts. On the other hand, I think she may have been in a fire – but she was a compulsive liar, so that might have just been spun BS. Either way, not good.

Um, point being that yeah, penciled-on eyebrows are totally fugly.

slightly related hijack

Once, a week before a big Thanksgiving get together, my wife decided she needed to have her eyebrows waxed, as plucking was too long and painful. Why she felt this, I don’t know…I thought her eyebrows looked fine, but then, I have the fashion sense of a medieval recreationist, and so my opinion is not really relevant to “modern” fashion. Regardless, I knew one thing for sure; there was no way in hell that I was going to be the one doing the waxing. Fine, she said, though she berated me gently for being the cowardly sort. She called up her best friend, and the two of them agreed to have a “waxing party”, since said friend was going to the same party.

I decide that I want nothing to do with it, so I retire to the living room to play video-games, drink beer, and act, in general, like a slob, because the opportunities to do so are rare. I’m in the midst of playing a dastardly and violent game (GTA Vice City, joy!) and I am just thinking to myself that my, the screams of pain are so realistic, when I realize they are coming from the bathroom! Being the curious sort, I wander back, and knock gently on the door.

“Is everything ok in there?”

“Yes,” a slightly giggling voice answers, “(My wife’s friend) just didn’t realize what waxing felt like…she’s okay.”

At this point, the door slides open a crack, and I see the two of them giggling, with my wife’s poor friend holding a damp washcloth to her face. A few moments later, she pulls it away, and the raw, pink-but-hair-free area around her eyes is starting to regain its normal skin tone, and lo, her eyebrows are shapely and defined. Wow, I think, I guess that stuff really works. Back to the game. A short while later, I hear another scream. Ah, that must be my darling wife. A brief interlude, then another, more horrified call, with the sounds of “oh, no!” added in. Again I rise, and head back to the bathroom-turned-torture chamber. Again the door creaks open…

…and oh my dear God!

I remember hoping that I didn’t say that out loud.

I remember realizing that my mouth was open.

I rememer my wife turning away and sobbing.

Okay, I did say that out loud. I’m a jackass.

But how else could I react? For there, her hair pulled back and pinned at random, was my darling wife, with little bandages with pink goo leaking out on one half of her face, and on the other… 1/4 of an eyebrow!

I look in shock to my wife’s friend, who is desperately fighting a war against horror and humor, intermixing the sounds of sobs and giggles.

“Wha…” I begin to ask, and my wife’s friend blushes furiously.

“I…I put too much wax on the strip,” she admits, “and some leaked. I thought only the stuff on the strip would come up, so I pulled…”

My wife inserts a sob.

“…and, well…”

My wife’s friend holds up one of the aforementioned bandage things, and there, perfectly recreated on that nightmarish glob of pink glue, is 3/4 of my wife’s former right eyebrow!

“Oh…” I begin, but I really had no idea what else to say. I pondered for a moment.

“So…what now?” I ask.

My wife stops sobbing, takes a deep breath, and looks in the mirror.

“We’re just going to have to pull the other one,” she says.

“Right then,” I say, “Bye!”

And I went back to the living room, waited for the scream, then came back. There was only about 1/5 left this time, and again with the sobbing, which, thankfully, did not last as long this time. After surveying the damage, and after begging, initially, for me to phone the President and have Thanksgiving cancelled, she realizes there is nothing left but to “bare it all” and remove the remaining bits of eyebrows.

So I left again.

Wait for it…AHHHHHHH!!! There it is! Back to the bathroom. After the swelling, redness and small amount of bleeding go down, she cleans up a bit, and my wife and her best friend paint on some greasepaint eyebrows. My wife turns to me with her new “eyebrows”, and on her face is a look of trepidation, anxiety, fear, nausea.

“How do I look?” she asks, her voice again on the verge of breaking apart in to incoherant sobs. I look at her, see that trembling lip, see those tear-filled eyes, and my mouth opens again…

“Darling,” I say, “You look beautiful.”

She smiled, hugged me, and though she was far from “all better,” she let me know that I didn’t need to call the President and that Thanksgiving could go on as planned.

So yeah, greasepaint eyebrows look terrible…but I’ll never say it out loud.

Of course, she’d having the same friend over tonight for a New Year’s waxing party…so I best bite my tongue.

There’s a cashier that works at a local discount store (Marc’s) and she’s got probably a dozen piercings on her head; not counting her ears.

I gawked at her while she totalled my purchases.

Her- “What?” (as in, “What are you staring at?”)

Me- <snrk> “You have to ask?!”

Her- “humpfh.”

I mean, sure, express yourself.
But if you’re going to do it so OUTWARDLY, then expect people to… oh I don’t know… NOTICE IT!

poeticyde, you are a good husband.

Tell the missus to go to a salon and get it done professionally. It only costs $12-$14 (including tip) where I am, so YMMV. I did have one bad event, when the young girl tore off half of one eyebrow, but it grew back.

Now, every time I make an appointment, I ask for Jane. Always Jane. Never anyone else.

Which reminds me…I need to make an appointment.

Reminds me of something that happened when I was a young sailor.

I was sitting in a strip club, when one of the dancers snapped at me for staring at her. Never mind that she was stark naked, and working in a business that encourages staring.

I’ve never been able to figure that one out.

In my youth I used to deliver sandwiches round factories. At one of the factories, there were these raddled-looking very-late-middle-aged women with bright orange foundation slapped on by the trowel-load and cupid-bow lipstick drawn on above and below their actual lips, who always tried to flirt with me.

These babes, both of them, had done the shave-off-the-eyebrow trick. But then they’d drawn the eyebrows back on - on their fucking foreheads. The top of the arches were just under the hairline. They both looked cartoonishly surprised, like they’d been told they’d won the lotto (or that I wanted to sleep with either of them).

I didn’t avoid eye contact, though, because then I’d have had to look at their baggy drooping tan stockings that were gathering round their ankles.

I’m female, and I don’t get the eyebrow-grooming thing. Do guys ever get aroused about eyebrows? :dubious: (That smiley seems so appropriate here.) As long as you don’t look like Andy Rooney, leave the freakin’ things alone!

You are a wonderful husband! Trust me.

So, why are women still waxing the very thin eyebrows anyways? The bushier but clean ones are back, natural but not National Georgraphic natural that is.

Mr. Moto, that was really rude of her. If you’re going to be in a business where you’re flaunting your flesh, people are gonna stare. She’s a stupid bitch. I hope you didn’t go back to that one.

It could be that they don’t have eyebrows any more. Pluck (or wax) too much and they don’t grow back. Or at least, they won’t grow back as full as they should.

Dung Beetle, I do look like Andy Rooney if I don’t pluck. Actually, it’s more accurate to say that I look like Bert. Serious monobrow. And lots of out-of-bounds hairs above and below my eyebrows that make them look ragged and uneven. Not a sexy look. If your eyebrows aren’t shaggy then count your blessings, but I needs ta tweeze.

<chuckle> I used to have a friend who commented on a difference between meaningful eye contact and the committed stare of a psychopath.
The young woman should have become a telemarketer instead.

Well, IMO, it’s like painting your nails. It’s not (generally speaking) for us guys. It’s for other women. Ask any guy what color his ladyfriend’s nails were painted last night. Most of us usually can’t answer. As to eyebrows, I have been chastised for stroking a girlfriend’s slightly curly eyebrows and calling them cute. Apparently, they were due for a plucking/waxing/mowing/what have you. I thought they were adorable, and she was by no means approaching Andy Rooney territory. She, on the other hand, thought they were horrendous and wanted me to stop paying attention to them.

I simply have to resort to my usual recourse of, “It’s a female fashion thing. Men were not meant to understand.”

I’m not a guy. I don’t paint my nails either, but I “get” nail polish more than eyebrow grooming for some reason.

Andy Rooney’s are bad, but David Hemmings’ eyebrows were downright scary before he died.

But notice how much more attractive and youthful he looks with just a bit of plucking. :dubious:

It’s that whole Pam Anderson, porn star look that’s been popular for the last few years. It does look horrible (and cheap), particularly when it’s been badly done.

poeticyde, I sympathise with your wife. I went to the nail salon a couple of weeks ago, (yeah, yeah, I know most men actually don’t like long, hot pink nails but they make me happy) and the manicurist talked me into getting my eyebrows waxed. (actually, she’s Vietnamese and kinda refused to hear me say “no”) :frowning: I had a nice natural arch that looked kinda retro (I don’t look anything like Grace Kelly but my eyebrows were similar). Now I have two much thinner boring commas shaped brows. Bleh. I hope they grow back fast…

Tremorviolet (kewl nick, btw), I don’t know if this is considered fast, but my wife’s grew back in about a month to a visible level, and back to full in about two.

I asked her today why she does it, shortly after posting here, and she said it makes her feel better when they look neat and clean and not like they are growing wild.

And for the record, her friend has gotten much better at helping her, though my wife is the only one allowed to apply the wax now. :wink:

Ah, vanity, you cruel, cruel beast…

Translation: Give me money!

I have a friend who was a theatre / art major in college and was doing a project that involved making plaster molds of different parts of the human form. He asked me if I would be willing to help him, and to do a mask of my face. I said I would, and I was familiar with the process since we had made molds of faces before to make masks for a theatre production. I knew the process was kind of uncomfortable, but I said I would do it to help my friend.

He carefully prepped my face and laid the plaster on, taking care that I could breathe and was doing all right. All was well and I laid still so he could get a perfect mold.

Finally the plaster had set and the time came to remove the mask. He carefully began loosening the edges, gently wiggling it free. It came off beautifully…until he came to my eyebrows. I felt a tugging sensation as he frowned. Hmmm, seems to be stuck a little, he said as he wiggled.

We both came to the realization that he had not used sufficient Vaseline on my eyebrows to keep the plaster from sticking. Only one thing to do…

He got a beautiful mold of my face, with two fuzzy eyebrows neatly resting in the plaster. I still remind him of it to this day. Ahhh, the sacrifices I make for art.

I will concur with others who say it takes about a month to get regrowth, and 2-3 to get fullness back.

Waxer checking in here…

Oh yeah. It really IS for other women. I used to pluck, but not only did I get sick of having to fuck around with it every day, but I have a problem with shaping correctly. My brows were getting too thin. See, I can’t draw, either, and I think that’s part of the problem. I know in my head what I want them to look like, but can’t actually make my hand produce the result I’m after.

Anyhow, if you shape them right and have just the right arch in the right place, it does make you look slightly younger. Now, this is something only another woman will probably notice for the most part. A man will only notice the most egregious faux pas when it comes to these things.

If I don’t wax, I also look angrier than usual. :mad: <—see?

Bwaahahahaaa!