Yes, which is why I’m taking this opportunity to educate. Much as if he had said “that’s so gay” or something similar. It’s a teachable moment. If I thought he had actually meant a direct insult, you would know it.
I recognize it was delivered without malice, but even so I really don’t think a sentiment that gay or European men are not men is trivial.
Well, I can’t argue. I knew what you meant, as well. I shouldn’t have tried to intervene on that one. FWIW, my neice (13) was being flippant and called a friend “fag” during their banter. Knowing it was without malice I gently suggested she use a less direct phrase. Hey, I’m trying here, folks. 
I know, were I gay I wouldn’t want to be called European either. Apologies for not catching that before. 
Great OP. I can hardly think of the last occasion I have read a thread in which there was so much wholehearted agreement. You listening, marketing people?
No of course you’re not. If you were, the OP wouldn’t have had to be written.
I have this feeling that there are sneaky marketing reasons to do with product differentiation that cause manufacturers to pull this shit on purpose.
Bigang First, for the ol’ melon, try The Headblade I’m not a shave head kinda chap, but I understand it works bloody wonders. Straight razors aren’t found so much in stores anymore, which is indeed unfortunate, but you can start Here. I use this particular one, and love it. The biggest part of using something like a straight razor is care and maintenance, be nice to it, and it’ll be nice to you.
If you’ve got an unsteady hand however, straights aren’t for you. No sense bleeding to death for a good shave. And if you’ve ever been shaved by a straight razor, you’ll know it’s one of the best and closest ones you’ll get.
Yet and still, you like it when your fella smells good, no matter how he gets that way. It’s just a matter of personal taste, but the majority of senoritas I’ve encountered loves them some good cologne. Of course, if you’re bathing yourself in Hai Karate, you’re missing the point.
buttonjockey308-you wear underwear under a kilt? What kind of Scotsman are you? Wear the damn thing properly!
Yeah, but using a “less direct phrase” for “fag” so as not to offend the people who “will take offense at just about anything” doesn’t really count for shit, does it?
The problem with the OP wasn’t that it wasn’t funny – anything with “whore in a headlock” gets double points. And it wasn’t because disparaging the gays gets the easily-offended homos all up in arms. It’s because it deflates the whole rant, because making it a “gays vs. real men” thing plays into marketing every bit as much as 4-bladed razors and mountain spring fresh scent. It’d be like writing a rant against bad grammar that messes up “you’re” and “your” all throughout.
Just because you like dick, doesn’t mean that you want to smell like lavender or that you call shampoo “product.” And the “Queer Eye” show is nothing more than an hour-long commercial, with some “lookit the funny homos” thrown in. I don’t have any interest in buying that shit, I haven’t met many gay ment who live like that, and I’m as pissed off as the next guy that it takes me ten minutes to find a can of deodorant in the store. But still people believe that that’s what the gays are into; I’ve got to wonder if they really believe that Axe body spray irresistably attracts women. It’s all marketing bullshit.
The company I used to work for had an ad campaign for a new football videogame that showed men getting pedicures, smelling scented candles, and testing throw pillows while asking “What have we become?” As if you can’t get a blowjob from your boyfriend while playing Madden.
And even worse is that Carl’s Jr. ad that shows the guy getting out of bed with some woman, going to the bathroom to shave, and then rejecting her shaving cream because it smells girly and instead shaving a four-day-beard with just a razor and hot water. Seriously, what the fuck? If you’re a real man, you don’t give a shit about going around smelling like lilacs. It’s better than going around with your face all cut up because you were too big a homophobe to use shaving cream, or even better, wait until you get home from the woman you just fucked to shave your face. It’s not like anybody’s going to notice, anyway, because of that enormous gut you’ve got from scarfing down so many double-bacon cheesburgers because you’re gullible enough to think that that makes you a Real Man.
Bone-headed marketing! Fight the real enemy!
Why… no true Scotsman, of course.
And remember: don’t laugh while you’re shaving or you’ll end up like Thoreau.
This would be an appropriate place to insert the Bill Cosby razor blade commercial spoof, except I lack a record player and all my records are at my parent’s place.
Slip-slop. See that? My face is ripped to shreds. All I really want is a clean shave, not a self-sacrifice.
Great OP. <standing and clapping>
Can I suggest finding the stuff you like at CostCo, BJ’s or one of the big box stores that let you buy in bulk? I bought a 6-pack of Selsun Blue at BJ’s last year and it’s going to take me YEARS to use that shit up. I also bought a three-pack of economy-size tubes of Crest. No anti-tartar flavored scrubbing bubbles, no breath-freshening green-colored slime, no baking soda. Just plain ol’ fucking Crest.
Love the commentary on the tighty-whities, too. I love simple, non-advanced Fruit Of The Looms, dammit. Before I lost a bunch of weight, I used to have to go to the Big N’ Tall store and one time when I needed to stock up, they had NOTHING but boxer briefs, which suck. But since I’m a guy, I’ll wear the damned things until they absolutely fall apart, even if it means Stanley is out of position for most of the day.
I’d like to bring up a new point. What the hell happened to jeans? I want simple, denim pants that fit. And once I find a pair that fits well, I’ll go back to the store and buy a dozen pairs. But these days, you can’t seem to find the same pair of jeans twice. I don’t want carpenter jeans because, dammit, I don’t need to hang my hammer from a loop when I’m headed out for a beer after work. Then there’s the whole loose fit, boot fit, baggy fit, tapered fit, etc. thing. How about “normal” fit? And what’s with these weird-ass jeans that look like they’ve been pre-soaked in diesel fuel, as if I weren’t physically able to give my own jeans that “used” look myself? Auggggghhhhhh!
I feel your pain on the razor thing, too. I recently shaved off my beard and have started shaving every day, so I’ve been out of the razor loop for a while. For the first month or so, I simply used the free Razors that Gillette sends out in the mail from time to time. (I had been stockpiling them in the bathroom.) Once the blades wore out, though, I went to the store and was totally floored. I mean, are these things built from carbon fiber? Do they have rare plutonium isotopes in them? Makes me want to go get blades from the hardware store.
When I wear my standard tartan, I am fully regimented. However the utilikilt is nary as forgiving, especially on windy days.
Here you go. Uses any standard 2-sided razor blade. I’ve had one of these for years, and fully expect it to last until the end of time.
Yeah that old nostalgic safety razor may give you a warm fuzzy but it will cut the hell out of your face. Don’t any of you remember your dad with bits of toilet paper all over his mug? When I started mowing my whiskers I said screw that and got a trac II and have since upgraded to the latest three blade monstrosity with racing stripes the color of mountain dew. I may spend more than I strictly have to for shaving supplies (when I do shave) but I can’t remember the last time I cut my face while doing so. If you want to be retro then go ahead and knap some flint and have a great old time shaving.
You youngsters are so cute! Gather 'round and let Granny Bean edumacate you:
Back in the olden days (late '70s & early '80s), most deodorant didn’t come in “male” and “female.” Most of your regular brands were unisex–Mitchum, Ban, Arrid, etc. There were a few brands that were marketed towards women (Secret, Tickle “with the BIG WIDE BALL”) and some that were more for men, like Right Guard, but mostly they were unisex.
So there were Mitchum commercials with the same slogan featuring women. One that springs to mind featured a flight attendant who unexpectedly had to go back to work another shift, and thusly finding herself “skipping a day” with a job which required leaning over people. It was a very good commercial.
OH MY GOD…I’M OLD!!! I remember those commercials Green Bean There a lady says somewhat slyly: I didn’t put on deorderant today, and I may not tommorrow… Beny Hill did a great spoof on it.
Guess I better go to Walgreens for some metamucel now.
Depends on your shaving technique. I only shave after showering, use a cheapass yet very effective shaving cream, change the blade often, and shave with the grain, and I rarely if ever nick myself.
Well, the scalp ain’t that short, I usually hit it with the electric razor after the clippers. The face is another story. If I try the electric on that, I might as well pull out the epilady.
I had a straight razor for about 10 years and loved it, fewer cuts than with the safety razor. Broke the blade and haven’t been able to find a good one since, what few examples I have found looked like they were intended to be legal switchblades instead of shaving gear. I’m sure that’s one of the reasons they’re hard to find.
Hate to bump after a week, but the Survivor has front-closure buttons. I’m in an especially windy area, and they’ve been a dignity-saver on numerous occasions.
(Mostly, I’m just glad there’s another Utilikiltarian around.)