Today I was walking through the parking lot of my bank, and I noticed a 1968 Buick LeSabre. I am a vintage car/SUV fan, so any time I see a unique older vehicle it makes my day a little better. But this LeSabre was in especially good condition. It was a dark red color and had a black leather interior. Cosmetically, it looked perfect, inside and out. A+ condition. My first thought was that obviously someone cares a lot about this vehicle to have maintained or restored it to such excellent quality.
Then I noticed that the word “BITCH” was keyed into the front side panel, in HUGE letters. I mean huge. I mean like a foot and a half tall and two feet wide.
I have, in my head, a fantasy that after this keying occured, the owner of the car walked up, caught the shithead in action, smashed his face into the concrete, and then keyed the same word right into his forehead with a rusty pocketknife. But I’m sure that didn’t happen. I’m sure that this shithead did the vandalism and then ran off, like a coward, and the car’s owner came out later and saw the damage and knew that he had to spend good money having it fixed and knowing that whoever did it was safe in his room in his mother’s basement, playing Counter-Strike. Or driving his piece of shit Ford Festiva, or riding away on his motor scooter that he uses because his license got taken away for having too many DUIs.
As someone who cares passionately about cars, and has a lot of respect and admiration for those who have the pride and motivation to restore classic cars, I have to say it really makes me sick to see an act of vandalism like this. I mean, it’s a horrible thing to happen to anyone’s car, but it gets me especially steamed to see it happen to a car that someone (even if it wasn’t the current owner) obviously put their heart and soul into.
I remember, when I was about 8 years old, asking why my dad’s Oldsmobile had a big empty light-colored space on the side, and he said, “someone tore off the emblem.” I asked him why someone would do it, and he just said, “for no reason.” It was a pretty ugly and boxy car, but it still pissed me off even then that someone would deface it for absolutely no reason.
I remember, when I was about 17, walking outside in the morning and seeing my modified 4Runner (slightly lifted, with a brush guard, off-road lights, roof rack, bug shield, rear tire - it was like a dream for a high school kid) which I loved so much and which gave me such pleasure to drive every day and see people’s heads turn, with fucking egg all over all the windows. It was a cold spring morning and the egg had congealed and frozen all over everything, and as I scrubbed it off I just wanted to run those fuckers over and crush them under my tires. It just made me sick.
I don’t know why people vandalize cars. I mean, I don’t know why people vandalize anything. Why the fuck would anyone with any kind of decency do something like it? I can even understand stealing, because you get a reward from it - you get to keep what you stole. You’re still doing something immoral (to this day I have never shoplifted or stolen anything) but I could understand why someone, especially a kid, would steal. But vandalizing a vehicle? What do you get out of it? Does it give you an orgasm or something? Does it make you feel more powerful? Why can’t you take that energy and DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE?
If you key a car, you are a piece of shit. That’s all there is to it.
