To the prick who vandalised my car

The BBQ Pit
1

First, let me say this.
Your mindless vandalism astounds me. If you had done damage in order to steal at least that could be seen as some sort of (false) justification. The thing is, you vandalise for the sake of it. I do not understand you. You see, I work. You, on the other hand, have no doubt never gotten off your pimply ass in your life to do anything honest. Not once.

Once day, I will find you, or your fellow inbred ilk, down at the street whilst I am taking a cigarette break. I will find you there, interfering with someone elses property.

I will not call the police. I will however, call an ambulance. Later. When I am done. I will do this not so much out of the kindness of my heart, for believe me, I have no compassion where you are concerned, but simply to save the people who clean the streets from having to find you laying there bleeding.

I intend to hurt you. Lots.

You are, in essence, less than human. In fact, there are no doubt many species of pondscum that are higher up the evolutionary scale than you. You are a hideous, filthy, disgusting, scabrous little abomination. Dirt probably steers clear of you in order not to be reviled by other dirt. Your execrable excuse for a brain, and please note that I do not call it a mind because I doubt you are in possession of one, is obviously incapable of grasping simple concepts of human decency. Therefore, I propose that you commit suicide. Preferably in a painful fashion. Your parents will no doubt be grateful., in so much as any creature responsible for the continuation of such loathsomely nauseating genes can be grateful for anything. your odious and offensive presence on this planet could only be surpassed if you yourself chose to breed. In short, I propose that in the interests of humanity, in the interests of the animal kingdom and indeed in the interests of aliens in another fucking galaxy you do as follows:

Take a six foot length of 4*2 pine. Sharpen one end to a point. Cement the other firmly to the pavement in such a way aas the pointy end is in the air. Climb onto a ladder. Now, lower yourself, ass-first onto said stake. Firmly. As it penetrates your bowels and begins to rip your intestines to shreds say after me; “I am scum, I ought not to live. I have no respect for other people, even when those people actually pay to support my pathetic existence, against their better judgement.”

Of course I do realise that you may have some difficulty with this, given that some of the words have more than one syllable. Try anyway.

Fuck off and die.

2

Use a four foot length. They die slower that way.

3

Make sure to have various nails driven through and protruding (preferrably in an upwards direction) from the stake prior to using this for its intended application.

With slight assistance and moderate acceleration, such a device can also be successfully inserted into specific body cavities yielding even more desirable results. Ground glass and powdered battery acid are optional.

UN, what did this miscreant do to your vehicle?

4

I once had a lovely 1981 BMW 323i with a 2.7 litre Alpina engine in it. It was a real little ripper. I bought it off my uncle, who had bought the car brand new.

Man, that car was jinxed. Within a month of buying, it spun around on me on a roundabout which had just had oil dropped all over it from a mobile crane. Backwards it went into a road sign. Not much damage but a sign of things to come.

3 months later I was rear ended whilst at a standstill. The trunk was totally collapsed and the insurance costs were $4,000.

3 months after that, the EXACT same thing happened again. Identical damage and costs. The boys at the repair firm thought it was a hoot.

6 months after that, while on holidays, the car was vandalised. It had white spray paint sprayed all over it. THe paintjob was ruined in trying to get the vandalism off. More insurance… a total paint job.

3 months after that, the car was vandalised again. Somebody sprayed metal eating stuff on the alloy wheels. Totally ruined 'em. They went from shiny aluminium to horrible acid eaten dark grey. Dreadful thing.

3 months after that, the car was vandalised again. I was on Jury Duty believe it or not. Somebody keyed the car on every panel while I was in court. What can you do? The poor car was jinxed.

But it gets worse…

12 months later I lent the car to my brother-in-law because HIS car had been stolen.

Now this is true folks… within 4 weeks of using the car, something went wrong with the engine but he never told me. (He’s pretty irresponsible like that…) So he left the car parked in some suburban street and moved homes. He left my lovely BMW 323i parked unattended in a street for 5 months before I found out. My wife’s father informed me one day.

By this stage, the car had been trashed again and the number plates had been stolen off the car. So, rather angrily, I ordered my brother in law to pick up the vehicle and move it to safe ground while I worked out what to do in terms of whether I should restore it or not.

But I was never given the chance. My brother in law took the Bimmer to his father’s farming property and stored it by a major clearing shed. The brother in law was doing some welding on some 12 foot high doors to said shed, when some hay caught alight from the sparks, and the entire half million dollar shed went up in flames. Burning sparks and embers fell all over my Bimmer and it was basically trashed once and for all.

The moral to the story?

Some cars are just fucking jinxed man. Ya gotta get rid of 'em. Simple as that.

5

I was just reading another thread of yours where you said that you were anti-social but not in a violent way. After reading this thread I think that’s a bit of a porkie-pie isn’t it :slight_smile:

What exactly did he do to your car anyway?