The whole point is that, as a grown up, you are presumed to know better than to say or do something offensive just because someone is doing something you disapprove of. Grown-ups are expected to exhibit ‘tact’. Very young children, not so much.
In my opinion, at least, I’m willing to give young children a pass on this - I find adult misbehaviour in this respect worse. But then. I’m a hysterical child worshipper. 
Ditto what Tapiotar said. The adult knows better. The kid doesn’t yet. And that’s why the mom should have (and perhaps would have) followed her child’s rudeness with an immediate apology to LM, followed by a private chat about manners.
All the “Way to go!” comments make me cringe. Why would anyone high-five a person for flipping off any child is beyond me.
Tit for tat with a preschooler? come on, you’r bigger than that!
But calling the kid a total asshole is a bit over the top, you must still be grieving for the pig. I have to laugh though as I am reminded of a Sex and the City episode where Sam calls Miranda’s colicky infant a real asshole. Coming from Sam that is funny!
This is why I don’t teach my kids that smoking is “bad”. I mean, really, what sort of moral judgment can there be around burning leaves and sucking on the smoke? Smoking is “a grown-up decision”. As they get older, we talk about the health effects and the damage nicotine can do to a growing body and tar to the lungs and the smell to your social life and the addiction to your psyche. But none of that is “bad” the way hitting your brother is bad; it’s simply data that needs to be sorted through so that when they become adults, they can make the choice whether or not to smoke. (And, I always add, I hope they choose not to, because I chose to, and in the long run wish I hadn’t.)
So if my kid tattles on a stranger for smoking, the answer is, “Yes, and that person is a grown-up and made the decision to smoke. When you’re a grown-up, you’ll have to decide for yourself. I hope you decide not to. And by the way, missy, it’s *very *rude to tattle!”
That’s the Dope. I don’t fully understand it either, but there is a large and vocal contingent on here that actively dislikes anything to do with children, parents and families. The theory seems to be that society over-indulges child-rearing, leading to an infestation of brattiness, entitlement and “hysterical” “child worship”.
Check out the almost daily pit threads on ‘bratty children and clueless parents ruined my day’, a topic certain to attract cheers.
Seems to be evolving into lots of indulgence, at least on this Board, for petty rudeness towards the young and towards parents. All justified of course.
It’s her screaming mother that’s bringing the ire. If the mother had behaved as you describe, the whole thing wouldn’t be so funny. lm was rather completing the stereotype – “See! Those awful smokers! See what they do!”
That’s what’s funny.
And if the mother had been on her game, she’d’ve ignored the bird entirely instead of calling attention to it. Now she’s got something else to explain “That smoker was…scratching her nose…yeah…that’s what she was doing.”
But as someone else said, perhaps she was having a bad day, too.
Oh my god if the child had told me to fuck off I would have given her a hug. That would have made my day. This is how I hope to parent someday but I think this whole thread goes with the underlying issue that I may just not be meant for children. Always had a sneaking suspicion. I talk to them and treat them exactly the same as adults. Whenever something upsets my little niece I’m like like “well ain’t that some messed up shit, huh Edie?” I also asked her who she likes in 08. I don’t want her voting for any of those fools on Sprout tv (dont like their politics)
Here is a better description of the scene as there seems to be some confusion:
Me: 23 white female
Mother: 30s tiny asian female
A-hole: 7 female asian (Plus or minus a year I’m not good with age guessing)
child2: infant
Fine then… prudishness
My take on this. The kid was not in control of what she did. What the OP did was wrong but very funny and probably ok for her circumstances (I am assuming you don’t do this every day, of course). The mom was a total bitch and deserved to be flipped herself (by someone else, it is not the OP’s job, she has a pig to mourn). No big deal. That kid needs to live through experiences like that so she doesn’t grow to be an idiot like her mom.
Did the child actually say it to you, or just to her mom and you overheard it?
If the child walked up and confronted you that is much more offensive than if she was just looking for validation from her mother and you overheard her. Either way, I would have maybe given the mom a look but not done anything to the child. When I used to smoke I tried not to do it around kids, but if they said anything like that to me I just agreed with them, yes smoking is bad and you shouldn’t do it.
Yep. The kid might just as easily have said, “She’s crossing the street without holding anybody’s hand. She’s bad!”
By the way, lobstermobster, are you bad?
have you been naughty?
So if you have a sister that’s getting married and you’re the maid of honor, you’d have to wear a dress, right? I’m just sayin’, I’d love to see that wedding photo! 
The problem for me is when they seek you out. Moms & their kids pretty much own the world. I was at Disneyland a few years ago and they only have a few smoking areas in the park, and you have to really search them out. They’re purposely set away from the main throngs. Yet every damn time I went into one of these smoking areas some mommy would wheel her baby carriage in there followed by her self-rightous little jack-booted thug children and the kids would immediately declare “smokers! Bad! Evil!” Mommy would say, “disgusting cough, cough, they should smoke somewhere else, cough, cough.” No matter where you are, how out of the way it is, and you were there first, some mommy will wheel her kids up, scowl at you for trying to kill her children with your evil smoke, and not discourage her children from being little snots.
As a smoker, sometimes I get sick of being mommy’s teaching experience, especially when I’ve gone out of my way to be out of the way.
Oh, right. As to the OP, I would be pissed if anyone did that to my child. However, I’m hoping to teach my child that you don’t speak about adults that way…in their presence anyway.
That mother is probably a reformed smoker. They’re (we’re) usually more obnoxious than others about smokers.
I don’t think that what lm did is that big a deal, but I do think it shows a lack of discipline. Kids at that age are still learning to control their impulses, including the impulse to blurt out the first thought that comes to mind, whereas adults should have more self control.
I think the mom overreacted as well, though and missed a good opportunity to teach acceptable social behavior.
I also have to side with the group that is somewhat surprised and dismayed at all the “way to go!” comments. Tit-for-tat reactions, particularly when they pertain to young children, are often unjustified and they don’t teach anything except that it’s okay to overreact. If my cousin responded to her 4-year-old son with such a reaction, she probably would have slapped the kid silly by now (a kid in his play group hit people - my cousin’s son picked it up for a while and tried it out at home where it didn’t fly).
One other comment I wanted to make - I think calling the kid an asshole is a big overreaction. In my opinion, I think describing a kid as an asshole would be warranted if the kid had set out to hurt you or degrade you; however, he or she was clearly just repeating something they’d been told.
I agree. (And I suspect the OP does too, given the implication that she wouldn’t have done it had she not had such a long horrible stressful day.)
Because it’s funny, and because from time to time, everybody thinks about doing something like that. Kids can be annoying. (I don’t hate them, I don’t complain about it every time they yell because I know there’s no helping it, but they can be annoying.)
I can’t see being really upset at anybody involved here. The kid did something rude, lm had a momentary overreaction that hurt nobody, end of story. I agree with Zoggie here about the blame that rests with anti-smoking programs and groups who encourage people to overreact to people smoking, and target kids.
A better response would have been, “Whaddaya mean? Smoking’s great! C’mere and I’ll give you a drag.”
You know, I have to side with the thread starter here. While flipping a child off is not the best thing in the world, the fact remains that this child is not being brought up well. There was a time when a child would at very least be reprimanded if outright punished by a parent for correcting or accosting another adult that way. If I had pulled a stunt like that growing up I would have gotten a cuff to the head and then been marched over and forced to apologize to the adult for being rude.
As far as I can tell, just another entitled, it takes a village to raise my crotch-dropping, doublewide stroller driving, overprotective, overindulgent momzilla. Fuck her.