…don’t mix.
Some background, I work for a Govt. department that manages a lot of land, public utilities, tourist facilites etc. The kind of things that are expensive to maintain but seem to get broken pretty easily.
Now I work in the ‘Graphics’ unit, making maps, but it just happens that I’m apparently one of only four people who know how to use our digital camera (continued protests of “It’s just point-and-shoot” get back blank looks.)
Friday morning one of the Directors shows up at my desk:
Dir: Morning Vagus, we’ve had some vandalism at one of our toilet blocks.
Me: Uh huh (knowing whats coming & seeing the rest of my unit evacuating the area).
Dir: Would you mind going over & getting some photos so we can asses the damage.
Me: OK, but why not just send X (one of our property service engineers)? He can look it over, make a judgment on the damage & take photos while he’s there.
Dir: Well you’re better with the camera & the photo’s should be enough - if it needs more detailed assesment X can go over later.
<Sigh> Did I mention I work in the Public Service?
Me: Right, so, just the Mens’ toilets?
Dir: No, both Men’s and Womens’
Me:…
Me: You want me to go into the Womens’ toilets, during working hours, with the public around, carrying a camera?
Dir:Yes, it’ll be fine.
Me: I’m gonna get arrested.
Dir: Look, talk to F when you get there, she will go in & check the toilets before you go in.
(It just happens that Graphics is pretty casual, I wear jeans & a t-shirt to work pretty much every day so I really don’t look like a regular public servant.)
Off I go armed with the camera & making notes so I can avenge myself on my boss from whichever prison cell I end up in after being arrested as a pervet.
I find F, tell her the situation & we head down to the toilet block, the Mens’ is no problem, the damage is minor, easy to see & I can get clear shots. The father who walked in with his young son gave me a bit of a long look as I went past him on my way out, but I gave him my best “Its OK, I do this all the time” grin & kept going.
On to the Womens’…
F goes in, looks around, comes out & tells me it OK to go in, and assures me that she will stay at the door to hold anyone who tries to use the toilet until I’m done.
In I go, the damage is mainly graffiti with a few broken taps, but its extensive and I’m in there for a while (maybe 5-8 minutes).
I go into a stall to take the last of the shots.
The entry door opens…
And closes…
Footsteps approach & go into the stall next to me. Clothes rustle & then its the sound of, well…I don’t think I have to get out the hand-puppets.
F’s name gets added to my list of people on whom I will be avenged.
Time to put those stealthy skills I learned as a kid sneaking out of the house to good use. Out of the stall, past the washbasins, hand on the door.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE!!!
<sigh>
I would like to point out to anyone else who ever gets caught in a women’s toilet with a camera around your neck that “Its OK, I work for the Government” is not a good way to start a conversation.
Several phone calls later, the attendance of a police officer, security guard, F (who had been called back to her office to answer a phone call, and, incidentally is now at the top of my list) and my Boss finally get the young lady calmed down, my presence sorted out and normality restored.
I love my job.
Oh, man, that’s funny! Embarrassing, but hilarious! 
