Lemme start this by saying that I live in a college next to a large university. It’s about 300 18-25 year olds living in a small communal environment. Something was bound to happen.
That something was a fool who thought they could piss while STANDING on the freaking bowl. I don’t mean idiot games like standing as far away as possible from the bowl but actually standing on the toilet seat.
Sunday morning. Tired. Headache. Not in a state to experience what was about to see. Need to take a leak. Walk to first stall in bathroom. As soon as I turn the corner I see the toilet seat covered in drying urine, a couple splatters of what could only be diarrhoea on the back of the seat and enough pubic hair stuck to the seat, floor and walls to make me wonder if they have any insulation left.
OK, so this isn’t too horrifying so far. All it means is that someone should eat a more balanced diet, work on their penis-eye coordination a little and perhaps get a small woollen cover to keep his balls warm in the winter.
But wait, that’s not all. On the seat there are also two great big dirty black bootprints on the bowl. What the hell? Someone was standing on the toilet while they were pissing?
What the hell were you trying to you, you bastard son of a purple crackwhore? Were you afraid that someone would sneak up on you? Do you believe that the piranhas living in the toilet bowl can swim up a piss stream that doesn’t come from directly above? Were you just so drunk you thought it would be funny to take an airborne piss?
I know this is pretty weak, but it’s been bothering me for a while. It’s just a terrible mental image I have. There are no piss stained footprints so I don’t think they were wearing pants. It would be impossible not to saturate themselves, if they were aiming straight down. It’s that they had the forethought to remove their pants and underwear, then put their shoes back on so as not to get their feet dirty and then stand on the bowl and let it flow that’s stuck in my mind.
Just thought I would share…