Toilet Training 101

The BBQ Pit
#1

Lemme start this by saying that I live in a college next to a large university. It’s about 300 18-25 year olds living in a small communal environment. Something was bound to happen.

That something was a fool who thought they could piss while STANDING on the freaking bowl. I don’t mean idiot games like standing as far away as possible from the bowl but actually standing on the toilet seat.

Sunday morning. Tired. Headache. Not in a state to experience what was about to see. Need to take a leak. Walk to first stall in bathroom. As soon as I turn the corner I see the toilet seat covered in drying urine, a couple splatters of what could only be diarrhoea on the back of the seat and enough pubic hair stuck to the seat, floor and walls to make me wonder if they have any insulation left.

OK, so this isn’t too horrifying so far. All it means is that someone should eat a more balanced diet, work on their penis-eye coordination a little and perhaps get a small woollen cover to keep his balls warm in the winter.

But wait, that’s not all. On the seat there are also two great big dirty black bootprints on the bowl. What the hell? Someone was standing on the toilet while they were pissing?

What the hell were you trying to you, you bastard son of a purple crackwhore? Were you afraid that someone would sneak up on you? Do you believe that the piranhas living in the toilet bowl can swim up a piss stream that doesn’t come from directly above? Were you just so drunk you thought it would be funny to take an airborne piss?

I know this is pretty weak, but it’s been bothering me for a while. It’s just a terrible mental image I have. There are no piss stained footprints so I don’t think they were wearing pants. It would be impossible not to saturate themselves, if they were aiming straight down. It’s that they had the forethought to remove their pants and underwear, then put their shoes back on so as not to get their feet dirty and then stand on the bowl and let it flow that’s stuck in my mind.

Just thought I would share…

#2

$10 says this is the true reason. :slight_smile:

#3

Details please.

Men’s bathroom? Women’s bathroom? Co-ed?

Which way were the footy prints facing? Could they have been standing on the bowl just to peek into the adjacent stall?

#4

Or were they trying to take a more natural poop?

(Somewehere around here someone has a link to a stand for your toilet so you can poop better.)

#5

That would be me, thank-you-very-much. :wink: The thread is here.

:smiley:

  • s.e.
#6

Yay, another Aussie! IcicleFuzz, there was a thread in General Questions some time back about this phenomenom. IIRC, there was some suggestion that overseas students who are used to ‘squat’ toilets could be confused by our style of crapper. An attempt to squat over the bowl might lead to footprints on the bowl. Creative, no?

If that’s too far-fetched for you, I’d say it was a drunken effort. Not something I’ve been tempted to try, but you never know.

BTW, this has gotta be Currie Hall or St Georgies, right? :smiley:

#7

Tell me, did said toilet happen to look anything like this? :eek: (Warning: Disgusting, possibly not safe for work… You have been warned.)

:smiley:

  • s.e.
#8

Maybe they just needed one of these: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=109926

#9

reminds me of college and waking up first thing on a Wed, Friday, Saturday or Sunday morning.

Damn a miss college

#10

A more natural turd? If tey wanted natural they would have crapped in the buses.

CRorex, what happened on Thursdays?

Man, Scott, you’re not kidding. :eek: Actully, they aimed better than that, but only just.

More details? Guys bathroom, but that doesn’t really worry anyone. The shoeprints were facing forward, slightly closer to the front of the seat. They were the heels of the shoes as well. It is possible that they were trying to peek over the stall, because the the shoeprint closer to the other stall is heavier than the other, indicating that the suspect was putting more weight on that foot. (I’m the next Sherlock Holmes :wink: )But why wouldn’t they put the seat down to avoid falling in? Stupid drunks.

That bathroom is feral. Yesterday we had Prosh (charity fundraising/pissup), and some people went as Smurfs. Blue paint everywhere.

Currie Hall? Hah! :stuck_out_tongue: St Georgies! Bwahahahahahaha! :wally:

Kingswood.

BTW, how did you guess the Uni? Don’t tell me that the others have prayer meetings and go to bed at 9 on Saturdays?

#11

Ahem.

Make that “crapped in the bushes”

Not that it didn’t have it’s own surreal charm before.

IwillpreveiwIwillpreveiwIwillpr…

#12

Well, not exactly piranha, but may he was scared of something

#13

I go to UWA. At one stage I was friendly with a lot of people who lived at the colleges. If some of those crazy kids had poor ablutionary skills I would not at all be surprised. :slight_smile:

Also, AFAIK, UWA is the only uni that really has residential colleges (as distinct from student housing) next door.

So, Kingswood, huh? I should have guessed! :smiley:

#14

Hmm… another Doper goes to UWA. That’s very vaugely interesting

#15

Actually, having visited New York, the original made perfect sense to me.

#16

Two Sandgropers in the same thread? What are the odds?!

And both going to UWA…sad, very sad :stuck_out_tongue:

#17

Well, my 5 year old nephew pees in the toilet while standing on the toilet bowl. Yes, he does. Every time. Guess my sister failed Toilet Training 101.:rolleyes:

Just thought I’d share…