“As a running back, I know you get your teeth jarred a lot on rough tackles…but you’ve got problems on top of that” said the dentist, tabulating his carries.
“I have to admit, Dad, that I get my jollies by sneaking up on women and poking them in the ribs” said Tom, the prodigal son.
“I quit because I couldn’t stand another day of watching those bratty 4-year-olds at the day-care center” said Mary, who was tired of pretending.
“I’m going to just take care of the talking trees instead”, said Tom, tendentiously.
“After all these years I’ve learned something about how the mail system works”, Tom said post facto.
“I’m putting on my new suit of armor”, quoth Sir Thomas brazenly, steeling himself.
“Voila! This will get us rescued,” Tom said with a flair.
“I’ve tried to pin my opponent with every kind of take-down and hold I know” said the lady wrestler, but it still didn’t seem to matter.
“This year I’m dressing up like Fred Flintstone for the Pride Parade,” Tom said, having a gay old time.
“Next trip to Vegas, I’m gonna splurge and get *three *prostitutes”, Santa ho-ho-ho’d.
“I’ve kept careful records of all my sightings…Ruby, Sandra, Kiki, Dave, Lenny…” said Tom, going over his CD collection.
“No woman, no cry” sang Bob Marley in a monotone.
“I used to have several collections of 1980s toy bears on display all over the globe, but I sold them all” said Tom, without a care in the world.
“No matter what else I’ve done in life, I’ll always be remembered for that incident way back in the 2014 World Cup”, said Luis Sanchez, a bit long in the tooth.
“Sunday will be my last day in the country. I’m going to Copenhagen”, Tom said mundanely.
“I’m requesting a reprint of the recent Straight Dope column about growths at the base of the spine” said Tom, putting in for a cease and desist order.
“My strategy for winning the marathon was stupid and shortsighted” said Tom randomly.
“Pass around another doobie…I want to breathe in the smoke” said Tom, his nose out of joint.
“The best weaponry for assassinating the North Korean premier would involve propelling an arrow right to the heart” said Tom, with arms akimbo.
“I took first place during the recent season of The Voice” said Tom, wincing.