HelenTroy, plan your plan, but don’t plan the outcome before listening to him. Hear what he has to say, then decide what is best for you and daughter.
Sounds like you’re ready to make good but hard choices.
QtM, MD
Helen, not much profound to add – I agree with what’s been said so far.
I’ve been on the other end; I moved out when my daughter was 4 because my wife was seeing someone else. I felt it important that a daughter be with her mother, but I have stayed close. Even though your husband may “legally” see your daughter twice a month, if possible, please make allowances for him to have more time if he wants. That’s time with your daughter, NOT WITH YOU. Pick her up, go do something, and drop her off. He may end up being a good father, if a shitty husband.
I don’t remember the legal visitation in my divorce, but we’ve both pretty much ignored it. I could spend time with my daughter as I wanted. We’ve gone to dinner once a week for the last 12 years, and spend part of each weekend together usually. My daughter is a smart, level-headed, 16 year old honors student.
Good luck.
The opposite of love is not hate but indifference. Don’t let him think his decision is anything that you are anxiously waiting for. The nerve!
I, too, am waiting anxiously to see what kind of, “You’re too good for me I screwed up It just happened I wasn’t looking for it,” crap he’s going to pull.
You are a strong lady. Please take detailed notes of your meeting with Soon to be Ex tonight.
Just another lurker checking in to send god wishes your way. I’m sure you’ll handle tonight’s discussion beautifully. Be strong.
You forgot It was an accident
Another Doper in your corner sending well-wishes. And to echo Kytheria, your daughter is one cool little kid. I fully expect to see her on the Dope in another 15 years or so:).
Good luck to you. You sound so strong and I really do admire that. I hope everything works out for the best.
Ava
I must log out for the day and head home. I have dinner with a close friend before the confrontation, so her job is to reinforce my resolve. She may also give torture strategies, but I’ll try not to post those lest we give TPTB any ideas. I will update later if anything significant happens. Thank you, once again, to everyone.
[[[[Pins and needles]]]]]
And you’ve both forgotten my personal favorite, “I never meant for this to happen.” Oh, please. If you didn’t mean to have sex with her when you took your pants off, you surely meant to when you stuck your dick in her.
Come now, maybe it was just a series of freak accidents. He slipped on a banana peel at the same instant that the buttons snapped on his pants. His pants slipped as he was falling on top of her and his dick just happened to go into her vagina. There was nothing he could have done about it.
…or something like that.
CrazyCatLady, have I told you lately that you are an utter delight? You really hit the nail on the head most times!
Helen, my good thoughts are with you. It sounds like you’ve got a fantastic kid and that you are going to get all your ducks in a row. I’m crossing my fingers, saying prayers for you—that this will all work out for the best for you and your little girl. You both certainly deserve only the best.
Why am I reminded of the rape perps who got off when I was in college because the girl wasn’t wearing underwear…
Appearently, the vagina has amazing vaccuum powers that will suck a penis straight in and there is nothing a guy can do about it.
Did anyone else notice the fact that if The Waitress can legitimately make a claim to being pregnant - this means that The Bastard was having unprotected sex with a stranger? :eek:
Another meaning to the term “damaged goods”. Brand him with an ‘A’ and all that…
No, No, No !
They were playing chase when suddenly a strong wind came up and blew the clothes off both of them so then they were playing naked chase. She the slipped and fell down, he tripped and fell on top of her and then his dick fell in her vigina.
:o
He might have been working on a roof.
Just a little humour to lighten the mood, hope everything turns out okay. FTR, I think trust can never be regained, but then, maybe I’m too young for all that.
I think you mean “it was a accident”. Men who cheat can’t be relied on to use proper grammar. 
Good Luck, Helen. I’m right behind you.
Good luck, HelenTroy. Make good choices!
Dude’s a jackass. But keep coming back to what matters: your kid.
Personally I think divorce when a child is involved is worse than infidelity. It’s not your kid’s fault that Daddy lost his mind and ended up getting HIMSELF into a complicated mess. Depriving your child of a father, because the father hurt YOUR feelings, is incredibly selfish, and it fucks the kid up.
The other woman and her kid can get by on their own–he may never know his father, or at least know him only as his “sire,” but your kid loves Dumbass and as you said, doesn’t understand what’s going on.
Suck it up, get your man back home and make him be a father to the kid that knows him as such. You don’t have to “act married” if you’re feeling that badly hurt, but don’t fuck your kid up. Please! Your husband has demonstrated a weakness–momentary? permanent character flaw? Only you know. You married him, you loved him once? Show him that your marriage is more than a physical relationship. Put your own character to the test and be there for him. For your kid.
I, for one, am grateful that HelenTroy has logged off, and likely won’t see your post until tomorrow, Inigo Montoya. I couldn’t disgree more violently with that you think she should do. She isn’t “depriving” her child of a father. She’s just removing him from the household. Her daughter will see him as often as they agree to, with a minimum of twice a month.
Marriages that stay together “for the sake of the child(ren)” wind up hurting the kids much more than a divorce does, and deprive everyone in the household the chance to live in a loving, trusting and commited environment.
I completely disagree with the above post.