Here’s a couple I’d like to see:
BUSH DEFEATED BY LANDSLIDE!
And I saw this somewhere…
METEORITE HITS LOTTERY WINNER!
Damn you aha! I wanted the headline to say “CHRISP WINS $25 MILLION IN LOTTERY”!
QUEEN MOTHER EXPLODES
- Doctors say ‘Rest of Royal family in critical condition’
NSYNC’s Plane Crashes into Britney Spear’s House
-No survivors reported.
Even better…
BUSH CAUGHT IN LANDSLIDE WHEN HIT BY MANURE TRUCK
MR
Clinton caught in wild orgy!
Gore sick with Dutch Elm Disease!
Bush: Yeah, I snorted, so what?
Microsoft to be Broken Up!
Jesse Jackson: I’m in it to feed my Ego!
This just in…
Mr. Cynical spotted in zesty threesome with Eve and Shayna!
PRESIDENTIAL CONTENDER GEORGE W. BUSH DEVOURED BY BEARS
RETAIL BEER PRICES IN FREE FALL
DETROIT AUTO MAKERS TO CEASE PRODUCTION OF SUVs
REMAINS OF PRESIDENTIAL CONTENDER GEORGE W. BUSH WRESTED FROM BEARS BY BUZZARDS
VAHERMIT RETURNS REAL MOON, APOLOGIZES
(see http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=33355 for further explaination)
(BTW, I’m still new here and am not too sure about SDMB ediqute…is it bad to post a link to a thread you started? Not sure, but the headline wouldn’t make any sense unless you’d read the thread. I just don’t want to irk anyone and have to deal with all the comments about goat feltching and family members.)
here’s another one I’d really like to see:
CA LEGISLATURE AGREES TO TEAR DOWN LOS ANGELES, PLANT SCRUB BRUSH
Amen! I’d help plant a few.
Of course, there is…
SAN ANDREAS CUTS LOOSE WITH 9.2 QUAKE
AL GORED BY BULL EXCAPING OUT OF BUSH
Oops, I meant:
AL GORED BY BULL ESCAPING OUT OF BUSH
I dunno. This bear is a registered republican. Besides, I dislike Al more than George.[/hijack]
[ul]A.P. New Mexico
Local Irked Scientist (no degree) invents Practical Antigravity Device.
Stands to make millions, prefers to remain anonymously rich and humble.[/ul]
“Air Force 2 crashes into White House
Power to be transferred to Southern Style in ceremony tomorrow at noon.”
Monica Lewinski father’s Chelsea’s baby
Prostitution legalized on days containing a vowel
SDMB posts to require Smilies (Sorry Chief) 
JACK BATTY HITS 200 POST MARK
- Typical of Mr. Batty, he forgets to even mention it until his 208th post. Soon after his announcement, Mr. Batty was pummeled to death by rabid anti-post-padding/anti-post-party advocates.
Eh, sue me.
GORE LICKS BUSH!
Bush is a Republican, hence:
BUSH TRAMPLED BY HERD OF WILD ELEPHANTS.
O.J. SIMPSON STABBED TO DEATH.
KATHY LEE GIFORD DROPS DEAD ON STAGE.
SURVIVOR ISLAND SINKS INTO SEA.
GIRL WITH A JEEP BLOWS UP WASHINGTON, D.C.; THREAT OF MICROSOFT BREAKUP REMOVED
PEPSI GIRL DIES OF DIABETES
GRUESOME ACCIDENT ON LAST NIGHT’S GRAMMY TELECAST
AGUILERA, CAREY, SPEARS KILLED DURING MEDLEY WHEN SPEAR’S IMPLANT EXPLODES
WEDDING SHOCKER: AL GORE AND GEORGE W. BUSH MOVE TO VERMONT, MARRY EACH OTHER.
NOTHING HAPPENED TODAY,
Keith
ATLANTIC TIDAL WAVE WASHES AWAY EAST COAST!
Nothing is left but bare sand in the wake of…
NEW VENERAL DISEASE DISCOVERED!
Today, President Clinton checked into a local clinic…
AL GORE INVENTS INTERNET! (From a tabloid)
The Vice President was informally quoted…
COCAINE PRICES ON THE RISE!
Candidate G. W. Bush vows to investigate…
PYTHON DEVOURS PEPSI SPOKESPERSON!
While tending her pet…
And so forth.