George Bush’s VP ruled an illegal alien from Canada. Supreme Court says "Close Enough"
Jennifer Love Hewitt gets married to strikingly handsome hunk named Zeeshan.
(I wish)
BREEDING AMONG MORONS ON THE DECLINE
‘Survivor’ contestant eats another ‘Survivor’ contestant, activist groups are silent.
BUNCH OF IDIOTS GIVEN ONCE IN A LIFETIME CHANCE TO THINK UP NEWSPAPER HEADLINES 
GORE CAUGHT JACKING OFF BEHIND BUSH!
BUSH IN WILD LUST HOTBED TRYST ORGY WITH OAP!
NEW SHOOTING LICENCE APPROVED FOR PARTY POOPERS!
TYPING IN ALL CAPS IS BAD FOR YOUR EYES
ANALFABETIMS IS ON TEH RISE
DUTCH NATIONAL TEAM WIN THE 2002 WORLD CUP 2 YEARS BEFOREHAND
Blatter: “Hey, they deserve it. Might as well settle things right now”
NETHERLANDS AND U.S. SIGN A BILATERAL MARIJUANA TRADE AGREEMENT
BROADCASTING RAP MUSIC TO BECOME A FELONY
Ice T: “Fuck this shit. I’m gonna start a boy band”
WORD “EH” ILLEGAL IN CANADA NOW. EH.
GEORGE W BUSH EXECUTED IN TEXAS TODAY
For shooting death of his father
Governor of Texas refuses clemancy for ex-governor
PASSPORT REQUIRED TO ENTER FLORIDA
- New Jersey residents to be turned away at border
ANAHEIM ANGELS WIN WORLD SERIES
- All other teams forfeit due to “mystery illness”
EMPLOYMENT NO LONGER NECESSARY
- Government gives away cash by the truckload
JESSE HELMS DRIVES PICKUP OFF CLIFF
Truck lands on Tom DeLay
RUSH LIMBAUGH SUFFERS GRAVITATIONAL COLLAPSE
Former radio star now rapidly-rotating neutron star
SUPREME COURT RULES GAY MARRIAGE LEGAL
Eminem says, “Thank God, now I’m free to come out.”
DRAINTHELIZARD FOUND DEAD, CORONER RULES TERMINAL STUPIDITY
ORAL ROBERTS RELEASES MINISTRY CD!
However people cannot play it because the hole keeps healing up.
Cecil Adams Becomes Omnipotent: God Demands Vote Recount
( )
NEWEST ENTRY IN THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE WINS BY LANDSLIDE AND GETS DIVORCES JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT TO MARRY SHANNON ELIZABETH
from our special correspondent in washington
The latest entry by super handsome hunk and the awfully charming and seductive man who is also claimed to be the coolest person on the face of this earth got elected president of the US and he immediatly divorced Jennifer Love Hewitt saying : “I’m to good for ya baby” and got married to elizabeth shannon who he saw and liked in “american pie”.So our gorgeous and handsome hunk who is none other than the doper named Zeeshan is currently having hot sex with elizabeth and has ordered the FBI to control the mob of beautiful chicks who are gathered around the white house to get a glimpse of the strikingly handsome and charsimatic dude.