Happy Birthday! No wonder you’re drunk at work! 
Congratulations, you’re now one up on my dad! 
Thanks.
Thanks, and birthdays are the days when they’d *suspect *you of being drunk, so you have to hide the flask in the back room.
No need. Just get drunk everyday at work, and they think your behavior on your birthday is normal, which of course it would be.
Note that I still don’t have a job, so my advice should be read in that light.
To the two stellar citizens who were taunting the street person: We all dislike the ranting types of street people, although some are interesting to listen to. Many belong in some sort of care facility: the ones screaming obsenities or accosting people. But it’s easy to ignore them: just walk away. But you charmers decided you had to mock him, which caused him to really go off the deep end, screaming, cursing, rushing at people and generally causing quite the scene, which you guys found to be amusing beyond all measure. As a foot cop braced the guy, you got on the same bus as I did, and continued to make jokes at his expense, reliving the entire experience like it was some sort of amusement ride. Perhaps some day one or both of you will be in the same circumstances. I hope people treat you better than you treated this poor disturbed man.
This made me laugh hysterically. I hope Take 2 came out well.
I pit my reaction to DDoS attacks. When one of the sites I check regularly gets one, I start getting nervous that all the rest of the pages I frequent won’t load. LiveJournal’s pretty good about giving paid users credit for the time that the site was DDoS’d, so it looks like I can put off paying for another week next year. Oh hello silver lining, there you are.
FWIW, Happy Birthday. 
I feel all awkward now because people are wishing me a happy birthday in here. Shouldn’t you all be Pitting my mom? 
Damn her! Damn her to having a birthday in the hottest, sweatiest, most miserable part of summer!
Disregard that, read SFG’s post wrong. Heat is melting my brain.
I WILL, however, pit not having A/C.
WTF lady?
What for, having sex nine months before you were born? More power to her and your dad!
Wow, pizza place, you fail.
Look on line at the menu for a local pizza place, find what looks exactly what I am hungry for: Garlic/oil, sliced tomatoes, basil, mozz / romano. No red sauce. Go to order online - pizza is not listed there.
I called the store, explained I found the pizza on the menu, but not on the order form.
“That’s because we don’t make that pizza. I can, though, what’s on it?”
What? That doesn’t make sense, but whatever. Told him what was on the pizza, he said no problem. Confirmed silly things like sliced tomatoes and mozz and romano.
I went to pick up the pizza. On the store wall they have their menu listed, including the pizza they don’t make. Oy.
I open the pizza box - the tomatoes are so finely diced, they could be freckles. There goes the whole taste/texture that slices of tomatoes would have given. Whoever made the pizza also didn’t seem to know the difference between romano and… cheddar.
I called them, asking wtf? Was told “What do you expect, we don’t make that pizza, we told you that”. Again it’s ON YOUR MENU AND ON YOUR WALL for fuck sake.
“Oh, that’s old signage. We can’t afford new wall menus at the moment.”
“Oh, our printer charges a surcharge for changes to the order.”
“Oh, that was when Luigi Whitezapizza owned the place. He’s gone.”
That said, I’m suddenly incredibly craving white pizza now…
They opened 6 months ago… and I would think if they could afford slab granite for countertops (in a place where you can’t sit down to eat, just stand at look at the pretty counters) they could spend $5 on a can of paint.
I was craving a good white pizza. sigh
They did, actually. I tried some prunes in with the chocolate cookies, and it’s quite tasty.
ETA: The menu is a lie.
I love it when “friends” come out to vacation in the area and email me after they’ve already arrived: “We’ll be in town for 2 weeks, but we’re already totally booked up! We might be able to spare a couple of hours to get together–if you’re available on Thursday been 10 and noon.”
Could be worse. They could show up unexpectedly on your doorstep, announce they were staying for two weeks, and then vanish all day, every day.
Look Geek Squad. Stop mailing me my final offers.
I didn’t want your dumb ass “Call a tech” in the first place. The sales droid gave it to me when I bought my computer. If you notice, I never use it. That’s because I threw it away with the box the computer came in on day one. Now, I didn’t want it when it was free, so why in the hell would I want to pay 99 bucks for a renewal?
And damn it Gmail. How many times must I flag their Geek Squad and Best Buys as spam before you get the hint and put them in my spam box, where they harmlessly wait the trash man?
Dear, sweet, charming boyfriend, I love you but you really need to STOP FUCKING WITH THE COMPUTER. Your overclocking extravaganza last night? It made the computer crash several times in the course of twenty minutes. I ran CCleaner and everything seems to be back to status quo right now, but I want that overclocking dialed back. After the last two years of hardware problems, I am *sick *of computers that fuck up and the people that make them do so.
Cheddar does not belong on any pizza. Ever. At any time. The only reason that a pizza place should even stock cheddar is for the salad bar and/or sandwiches. Cheddar is a fine cheese, but it doesn’t belong on anything that even pretends to be a pizza. Both the texture and the flavor are wrong.