Stop what you are doing this instant, you gormless trollop, or I will spank you with your own hand.
I’m gonna pay you for this!
I’ll slap you so hard your grandmother will feel it!
I’ll pop your eyeballs out and skull-fuck you.
I’m going to cock-punch you so hard, your unborn grandchildren will scream in pain.
Stop what you’re doing right now or so help me, I’ll DESTROY THE UNIVERSE!
Do that again, and for the brief remainder of your miserable life, you will scream in terror and wet yourself whenever you see a Barbie doll, although with the damage to your lungs and vocal cords you won’t be able to scream very loudly.
So help me, I will prop your eyelids open and tie you to a chair in front of which is a TV endlessly looping “Cop Rock.”
I will Rickroll you in real life.
… I’ll buy you the complete DVD set of Yes, Dear.
I will beat you to death with a rake made of jalapenos and fire.
Ya gotta sleep some time!
I will take everything you love and explode its atoms outward at the speed of light.
I will combust your canine companion!
That was a good show!
As for me, why, if you don’t stop that right this instant, I will come over there and smack the taste out of your mouth! Don’t make me pull this car over!
I am going to hit you so hard Chuck Norris will join my fan club.
I’ll knock you so silly that you’ll understand all of the lyrics of the songs by America.
No idea what that would mean, but I’m scared.
I will stop your heart
take your breath, which is diagnosed as death
remove your brain, from your skull
make you dumb, make you dull
sew you up and cut your hair,
put you in a science fair
tell them that your name is John
make you a phenomenon
freak of nature, make 'em hate ya
not a girl will ever date ya
~ that ridiculous threat is from an old Special Ed hip hop song, quoted from memory, so most certainly incorrect.
Stop that, or I’ll hurt you so bad your cat will weep in sympathy.
Put that down, or I’ll extrude your gonads through a serrated piece of copper tubing.
If you don’t stop that now, I’ll… I’ll… I’ll tell your mom.