Haaaaa! Method man!
I’m gonna draw nipples on yer ass and tittie fuck ya!
I’ll beat on you till your face looks just like mine.
MacTech, if I thought you could really destroy the bloody universe then I would make every effort **not **to stop what I’m doing right now.
I’ll be your very bestest friend, ever. I’ll follow you everywhere. I’ll help you all the time, and do all those little chores you hate. I’ll tuck you into bed at night, and wake you in the morning with a fresh breakfast. I will make sure you never forget any appointments. I will be your constant companion, and be unfailingly helpful the whole time we’re together.
Until at some point, when I get bored of this, I decide to destroy you.
ETA: I’ll even proof all your SDMB posts so you never had to edit again.
From my childhood experience, there is simply no threat with greater dread attached than:
“Go to your room and wait until your father gets home.”
Oh holy shit. :eek:
I will insert you into that infinitesimal of gray flash that presents itself between the commercial and tonight’s feature presentation.
I’ll make you wish that Alaska never even had a governor!
You’ve been very bad, now GO TO MY ROOM!
Actually said by my friends father on the telephone to the policeman who had confiscated their model rockets:
“Now you give those boys their toys back or I’ll come down there and piss all over you!”
When you least expect it, I will come for you and I will take you away. You will discover what it feels like to be burned alive. You will know the pain of having your skin flensed from your flesh, having each bone ripped out, all this and more. You will beg for Death to come and release you, but he will not come. With each new punishment you will learn a new definition of the word agony. Then I will whisper in your ear each sin, each betrayal you have had a hand in. I will whisper the name of every person you have ever hurt. I will let the first one kill you in any way he sees fit. For a while you will languish in the deepest, coldest part of the vilest, darkest underworld. Then I shall reach down with my foul claws and grasp your slimy, malformed soul, and put it back into your body. Then the rest, the rest of those you have wronged, will come forth. Each in turn will inflict upon you the worst torture they can imagine, and each will kill you again. Only then will I reveal to you the true face of the one you have crossed and only then will the true punishment begin.
Or you can let me have the last piece of pie. Your call.
Cross me again, and you’ll be Qadgop’s next funny prison story.
Don’t say another Goddamn word. Up until now, I’ve been polite. If you say anything else - word one - I will kill myself. And when my tainted spirit finds its destination, I will topple the master of that dark place. From my black throne, I will lash together a machine of bone and blood, and fueled by my hatred for you this fear engine will bore a hole between this world and that one.
When it begins, you will hear the sound of children screaming - as though from a great distance. A smoking orb of nothing will grow above your bed, and from it will emerge a thousand starving crows. As I slip through the widening maw in my new form, you will catch only a glimpse of my radiance before you are incinerated. Then, as tears of bubbling pitch stream down my face, my dark work will begin.
I will open one of my six mouths, and I will sing the song that ends the Earth.
I’ll make pop-up ads nag you in real-life!
If you mention this to anyone your life will be both short and full of excitement.
I’ll say I’ll water your plants while you’re on vacation, but I won’t really do it.
I warn you - I know your notepaper. I know your handwriting. I know your baking. Cross me once - just once - and the entire neighborhood gets Ex-Lax brownies “with love from you.”
Cross me again, it’s anthrax lemon bars.
I rather liked the dramatic reading.
Oh, and I want you to remember something. Even those who think themselves cavalier, or merely “jaded.” Just one thing…there is always something more that can be taken from you. No matter how bad off you are, despite everything you may have lost. The final, single point at which the only mercy possible is that no more can be cut away, noticed even only by it’s absence, is when the last animating spark of life has been reft beyond the point of anything called “human.”
To be human is to be capable of loss.
To say that anything less is merely “life” falls so short as to be glib…for one of the last things that can be taken away is the simple, insensate hope for oblivion itself.
Don’t make me say it, but … if this keeps up…
it could…
GO ON YOUR PERMANENT RECORD!!!
I’ll ban you from the SDMB!