Total lack of energy.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I just don’t care. I don’t.

I’m on break. I got my grades back on Monday and found out that I passed both of my courses. Got an A in Portuguese and an A- in Stat and Experimental Design. Very nice.

There’s lots I should be doing, I suppose. I’ve got research stuff I should be working on, and I know I’ll regret it next week if I don’t get it done. I’m scheduled for classes and teaching 5 days a week next quarter, and having to take whole days to do research is going to make my life hell. I’ll have no weekends whatsoever if I don’t get a move-on. (Not that I’d have any weekends even if I ran my little patootie like mad this week, so maybe it’s a moot point.) Really, I suppose I ought to be getting it done now. That would be the mature, responsible thing to do. But, the fact is, I just can’t be bothered. I don’t have the energy for it. I just don’t.

I’m supposed to be doing these on-line lab safety seminars by the time the quarter starts up next Monday. If I don’t do them, I don’t get my fee waiver. But I haven’t done them. I just haven’t. And, sadly enough, I’m just not feeling too much anxiety over it, either. I’ll probably cram it in tomorrow night, fill out the lousy paperwork crap, and give it in on Friday. That’ll give me a one-day leeway to get my fee waiver. I just wish I cared. But I don’t.

I’ve got a sink full of dishes left over from the last two weeks of last quarter. I haven’t washed any of them. I’ve been eating things out of cans and bags to reduce the number of plates and forks I have to wash. I have even developed a marvelous technique for eating ice cream with chopsticks right from the carton to reduce usage of precious spoons, the supply of which has dwindled to a few mismatched strays stuck halfway underneath the silverware drawer. Poor things.

I have no real plans for the summer (I applied for a grant, but there’s no guarantee that I’ll get it. In fact, there’s not even a good chance that I’ll get it), so I should be applying for jobs, getting my butt in gear to make sure I’m not broke for 3 months. But I just don’t have the oomph to do very much about it. The situation just feels unreal, like the future may or may not come, as it pleases, and it can bring with it whatever it likes.

I’ve been doing almost nothing but sleeping, checking out the SDMB, writing pointless e-mails, and calling long-lost friends and relatives for the last few days. The effort of actually getting fully dressed and leaving the house has just seemed too burdensome recently. In fact, fully separating myself from my bed seems a little traumatic to me.

I went and saw a movie last night. It was a good movie, but it felt like a monumental effort, somehow. I don’t think I’ll be doing much more of that anytime soon. I know that the Cleveland International Film Fest is going on, and I love the CIFF. I suppose that, if I called a bunch of people and organized a group to go up there for the weekend that I’d have fun. But I’m not doing that. I don’ t know why. But I just can’t be bothered. That’s the way it is.

La, la, laaaaa.

2

Alteia means marshmallow, I think. That’s some useful Portuguese, there.

3

Hey, lno! How’re you doing these days?

If you were really craving a marshmallow in Lisbon or Rio, you’d need to be able to say “marshmallow,” in order to satisfy this screamingly urgent need at a candy store, now, wouldn’t you? I suppose if you were a confectioner making a business trip to Brazil, you’d find that word pretty useful, right? Usefulness or lack of usefulness is in the eye (mind?) of the user.

But, yeah, I can’t forsee having to use the word “marshmallow” in conversation in Portuguese any time soon. But you never know.

4

You sound like me whenever I get on vacation. I have a tendency of pushing myself alot and then I am just burned out when I get to the stop that I have to just veg for about a week afterwards. It was worse when I was in college cause I would get minimal amount of sleep before finals and stress about the tests. I usually ended up being sick during breaks from it.

But I will also add-- have you had your blood work done lately to make sure you have all the proper levels of stuff they test for.

5

This sounds really insane scribble, but try excersizing in the morning. I’m in my 3rd year of undergrad, and I just discovered that getting up in the morning and lifting some weights or going for a light jog really gets my energy pumping throughout the rest of the day. When I home at night, after I’ve finished all my work, I pass out and sleep like a baby until the next morning when I wake refreshed. I cant explain it myself, but I’ve recommended it to several other friends and they’ve certainly picked themselves out of their rut now too. Oh…and make sure you listen to some lively 80’s music when you are jogging / working out too. That’ll get you pumped up / feeling happy.

6

IANAPsychologist, but you may be suffering from depression. I get that way when I have an attack. Or, your body might just be saying–enough with the stress already, I am taking a break. But I am leaning towards the depression. You may want to go see a doctor (assuming time, money, insurance, access to doctor and so on), just to be sure. Hope it is nothing, though, just stress or being burnt out from work or something.