Touchy-Feely Folks: Have you ever been told to back off?

[OneCentStamp]

@Nava

The only time I’ve had a big issue with someone touching me in a way I didn’t want and which was not sexual was a dude from the RPG Club in my postgrad university. He patted me on the head. I spit at him “don’t. Do. That. Ever. Again.” He did it again. I explained if he did it again, I wouldn’t talk to him any more unless somebody’s guts were spilled on the floor. He patted me a third time.

The last time I saw him was two years later, and through two years of being in the same room almost every Saturday afternoon, I never talked to him again. When he tried to whine to someone about it they told him “well, what did you think would happen? She told you not to pat her!”

What a bizarrely patronizing and condescending thing for him to do. I’m trying to figure how this is even something that would enter his mind. Not that it would excuse it, but are you very short?

[Typo_Negative]

@Nava

The only time I’ve had a big issue with someone touching me in a way I didn’t want and which was not sexual was a dude from the RPG Club in my postgrad university. He patted me on the head. I spit at him “don’t. Do. That. Ever. Again.” He did it again. I explained if he did it again, I wouldn’t talk to him any more unless somebody’s guts were spilled on the floor. He patted me a third time.

A pat on the head…that’s somebody that’s askin’ to get punched. Seriously. There is no way not to construe that as an insult. You would have been entirely justified in slapping him. At the very least, you coulda threw a drink in his face.

[monstro]

Nava, you are not alone on the head pat thing.

[Essured]

I’m not overly touchy-feely, I guess. I am fine with plenty of touch with close friends - my really good buddies get big friendly bear hugs all the time, but until I know you and trust you, you’ll get a big smile and some space.

I had to tell a creepy touchy-feely guy to back off once. Took three times before he stopped touching me. The first time I quietly and apologetically explained that I wasn’t very touchy-feely and asked him nicely to stop touching me - nobody overheard that. The second time a few people witnessed it - I curtly and bluntly told him to stop touching me. The third was very public and humiliating (for him) and I was very loud and confrontational. I’m sure someone in the crowd (without knowing it was the third time) maybe thought I was overreacting and creating a scene - I couldn’t care less as he was obviously ignoring me and continuing to touch me. The third time was a charm though. He stayed far away from me from them on

[Nava]

@OneCentStamp

What a bizarrely patronizing and condescending thing for him to do. I’m trying to figure how this is even something that would enter his mind. Not that it would excuse it, but are you very short?

5’4", and if he had two inches on me he had a lot. Dude was closer to “sack of beans” than “beanpole”.

@Typo_Negative

A pat on the head…that’s somebody that’s askin’ to get punched. Seriously. There is no way not to construe that as an insult. You would have been entirely justified in slapping him. At the very least, you coulda threw a drink in his face.

The main reason I didn’t do it is because I didn’t want to have to explain it to a Florida judge, although I’m reasonably sure the judge wouldn’t have liked being patted, either.

[River_Runs_Deep]

I do not like to be touched. At one office I worked at, there was a guy who was touchy-feely with most of the women in the office, but he didn’t direct anything toward me so I never said anything about it. It did, however, give me time to plan my strategy for when he finally did get around to me. One day he came up to me, draped an arm over my shoulder so his hand was exactly at breast level, and with a big cheesy grin said, “And how is your day going?” I looked at him, looked at his arm, looked at him and said in completely level tones, “If you expect to retain the use of that arm, you’d best remove it immediately.” Then I went and reported him to my supervisor.

[DChord568]

@Leaper

Considering you shouldn’t have heard this at all, since the admission was made “in confidence,” I’m afraid that the dilemma seems kind of your own making from here.

Well, I should have used a different term than “in confidence.” It’s not like my cousin said this and then added “but don’t tell anyone.” It just happened in a conversation between them that I wasn’t a part of. Had the former been the case, I’m sure my wife would have respected my cousin’s wishes.

At this point, I don’t see changing what I do when I see my cousin, unless she specifically tells me she would rather I not do it. To change could just as easily raise questions as to why I suddenly have after all these years.