I can hear you. Stop hitting me. (Lame and whiney)

The BBQ Pit
1

There are some people who have a habit that’s about to drive me over the edge. When they talk to you, they feel the need to constantly re-engage you in conversation by hitting you. Not hard, just a little backhand tap or elbow nudge. It certainly doesn’t hurt, by by-fucking-golly is it annoying. It’s as if they think your attention wanders every 4 seconds and they have to poke you with a stick to make sure you’re still awake.

This happened with a coworker the other day. She must have been under the impression that I wasn’t listening to her, as I was either looking at my monitor or writing down something she said. So she’d nudge me in my right arm, causing me to either mouse-click wildly or scribble. And again just a bit ago, a guy kept hitting me while telling me the entire plot to Meet the Fockers. I guess he wanted to make sure I was awake for all the good parts.

Conversation is not a tactile experience. Use your mouth, not your hands. If your story is really so boring that you need to poke me awake, then perhaps you should abandon the nudge nudge wink wink, and simply say no more, say no more.

2

Amen. I absolutely hate it when people do that. It might have something to do with the fact that I’m really not big on physical contact (outside of a handshake) with people I’m not close to, but daaaaamn it drives me insane. The partner to that is the people who insist on pounding on a table to punctuate whatever they’re saying. I have a coworker who can not resist just slamming his fist against the table periodically throughout the conversation, and it drives me batshit. If, for some reason, you think I’m not paying attention, try making your conversation more interesting. Don’t hit!!

3

I suppose it’s right out to respond by shrieking, leaping up and flailing arms wildly enough to whack the offender? Followed by an apologetic, “Oh, I’m terribly sorry, but you startled me. Are you okay?”

Once may not be enough, but if the rapper/tapper/nudger has it happen often enough eventually s/he should get the idea. :wink:

4

::WHAP:: Get OUT! I have the same problem! ::SHOVE:: Shut up! Just Shut. Up. That is so wild! ::SLAM:: Can you believe that?? Just the other day somebody came up and thwapped me on the back…::THWAP::…just like that! The nerve! That is so cool! ::punch:: I love having things in common!

5

Funny, when I think of physical contact, I think of a warm or loving open hand gesture, such as a soft hand on my forearm or shoulder, or a light pat on the back. The nudge hit is usually done with knuckles or an elbow. There’s bone in that there nudge.

The guy that was telling me about the movie started out about 8 feet away from me. But to make sure I understood everything he said he moved right next to me. Each new subtopic (which came up about every 3 seconds) came with a knuckle-nudge to my chest, a “Yo, check it out”, and a 2 inch move closer to me.

6

wink wink nudge nudge knowwhatimean?

7

Hit 'em back and go “YEAH!” like you agree.

It makes them stop nine times out of ten.

8

I must say I can’t imagine what this would be like. It sounds like an awfully strange habit to get into, though.

9

It’s not lame and whiny at all. Touching like that is offensive. You need to perfect the “dead eye stare,” ( sort of like the thousand yard stare.) Just relax all of the muscles in your face and stare right into their eyes, keeping your jaw firm without clenching it, and showing no emotion with your eyes say quietly but directly “Do not touch me again.” Hold the stare while they stammer and equivocate and apologize. Then go back to the happy face.

10

You mean you’ve never done it? Or you’ve never had it done to you? Seems to me that nudgers account for at least 10% of the population.

11

This happens to me so rarely that when I do find myself talking to somebody who feels the need to touch me, I freak out like they just dropped an ice cube down my shirt.

They usually don’t touch me any more after that, which might explain why it happens so rarely… kinda self-perpetuating…

12

People don’t do this sort of thing to me. Not twice, anyway. I have an Attitude Adjustment Staff and I’m not afraid to use it. For the first offense, I take the staff and push the offender out of arm’s reach, explaining that I don’t like to be hit. There’s generally never a second time.

Now, if someone gently places a hand on my shoulder, while speaking softly into my ear, I do not find this offensive, but pleasant. Then I don’t use the Staff. But the Staff is always there.

13

I am a touchy-feely type, as is most of my circle of friends, but I never realized just how much until I recently had shoulder surgery. To speed recovery, I ditched the sling as soon as the nerve block wore off, so no visual reminder to not smack me on the arm or shoulder.

“OMG, you did not just say that!” whap

“No way!” whap

“That’s a horrible pun.” whap (Ok, maybe I deserved those ones.)

14

Did anyone see Jane Fonda when she was on the Tonight Show recently? Leno kept taping her and she seemed to get real annoyed with him for a minute and told him to quit it in an irritated tone. I changed the channel immediately because I can’t bear to watch uncomfortable situations on TV. It did seem obnoxious that Leno was treating a 60+ year old woman he barely knows like some close pal, even if he hosts a casual talk show.

15

We had this guy at work who just did not get the whole “personal space” concept. I would be standing at the bench pipetting something and all of the sudden there’s this arm around me, and the guy is chatting me up about my car or whatever in a half-embrace that would make me uncomfortable to give my sister. My reaction was to stand there bolt upright with a big “WTF??” thought balloon over my head, trying to figure out if the guy was going to let go, stay that way, or try to cop a cheap feel.

Other times he would pad up behind me quietly (which was not deliberate, just his usual style of locomotion), and, like the offenders in the O.P., give me a hearty slap on the back, whilst chortling about some-or-other fucking thing he thought simply must be shared. A couple times he scared me so badly I dropped what I was doing, or cursed out loud in surprise, visual and aural cues that any normal human being would interpret as a clear indicator of disapproval. Not this guy.

In reality, he was not some kind of psycho pervert; he was just a totally harmless, goofy, hyper-friendly, and (to me) gratingly annoying individual who I came to dub “The Space Invader”.

“Hey, Loop, whaddya think of the new guy?”
“Oh, he’s…uh…nice guy…yeah…”
“What? What is it?”
“Well…”
“What?”
“He keeps fucking touching me!! I mean, Jesus Christ, can’t he talk to me without playing conjoined twins?”
“Oh, come on! That’s just his way of being friendly.”
“Well, let him do it to you, then!”
“He does! Loosen up!”
“Ever had him ambush you?”
“What? Come on!”
“He makes me nuts.”
“You’re so antisocial sometimes.”

Word got around, apparently, that I Did Not Approve, and New Guy not only stopped touching me, but acted as if I had done something really crass, like telling him what I really thought of him to his face. Other people gave me shit about it, too. I felt like I was in that episode of Seinfeld, where Jerry elects to cease kissing hello, and everyone therefore treats him like he’s a sociopath. So I don’t like people touching me! What the fuck is the matter with that? Yeah, I’ll shake your hand. I’ll even give you a hug and a peck on the cheek if we’re appropriately familiar. But I DON’T like people who I’m not close to emotionally getting all over me physically. I find that incredibly skeevy, so back the fuck off, you touchy-feely weirdo!

The story has a happy ending, as the guy left for a boondoggle international business venture that left him essentially stranded overseas. Yeah, maybe I’m callous, but he kept fucking touching me, man!

16

I’ve neither had it done, nor done it, seriously. I do it as a joke, sometimes, when my goal is to be annoying: “Did ya get me some? Thwack Huh? Huh? Did ya? Smack Did ya? Zonk”

17

Wow. Consider yourself very lucky, then. I’ve had it done to me, uh, let’s see…

Four, take away three, carry the one, move the decimal point…

A metric assload of times.

18

I think people must get a strange vibe not to touch me… Because this has never happened to me…and if it looks like it does, I give them an evil glare. The only people I like touching me are my boyfriend, family members, or good friends… If I don’t know a person I don’t want them touching me… Maybe this comes across in my manurisms?

19

Maybe you’ve never noticed it. It think that’s entirely possible.

Maybe they don’t want to touch shit? :wink:

20

Erm…I’m not shit…