In no post anywhere in this thread was bipolar disorder mentioned. You are displaying your inability to comprehend, or simply not bother to read, text at an alarming rate. I grow tired of you. I’m done. Your motives are not kind here.
And, because I’m already assuming what your error in reading was, my conviction that she suffered from BPD, which is borderline personality disorder, was based solely on my personal convictions. No medical diagnosis has ever been made. But, I already described all of this earlier in the thread. I just expected someone as invested in this thread as you to have read all of it. And understand it. My bad.
You weren’t there. She very well could have BPD. It’s not that exceedingly rare of an illness. Ambivalid is not saying he’s perfect. He’s hurt and surprised. Some posters say the lady is a bitch or an asshole or some other disparaging comments.they don’t know her. They aren’t in her head. If she is mentally ill, and BPD is a real mental illness, then throwing stones and attacking help no one. I’ve seen tons of suffering from this sort of thing and quite often there are no bad guys/gals just a bad mental state. A mental state not one of these people chose to have.
Now even with education it still takes time to process this and understand what it really means when dealing with these sort of things. So why hassle the dude?
You’re just being obtuse now. A typo is a typo, borderline disorder, bipolar disorder. Whatever.
Here’s the rub, when it suits, you’re more than happy for every single one of us to believe your former girlfriend is racked with terrible mental health afflictions, diagnosed or not. But when called on it, the truth is she was was never diagnosed with a mental health disorder.
**I put it you, by your own admission, there are just as many demons going on in your own head as there was hers. If not more. And you really REALLY don’t want to confront that. I quoted your own words above to prove that. **That’s what was being referred to earlier as “minimising”.
Great question… and the answer is twofold. One, I’m seeing loads and loads of denial, and two, the guy isn’t actually seeking a solution. He’s seeking absolution like a parishioner might when they confess to a priest, except there’s no confession here.
You only have to look at how gleefully he responded when you suggested the lady’s behaviour was classic BPD behaviour. Yes, finally! Someone who understands.
Dude… the lady was never diagnosed. Ever. He’s searching for an easy cop out. That’s my take on it. It’s so much easier to blame your ex for leaving if they have a mental health issue. Couldn’t possibly have been me. I was a fucking great boyfriend, you have no idea. Yeah, ok there’s the small issue of the behavioural therapay and the anger management therapy I’m gonna start soon, but other than that? I was perfect!
He’s rapid-cycling, by the sound of it.
Goddamn it you are something! I’ll take the warning, I don’t care. You’ve made me regret sharing this. Fucking troll.
I’ll accept without argument any moderator warning or action which comes from what I say below.
You’re an asshole.
nothing more needs to be said.
Her mother was diagnosed and she was a severe case. She mentally abused her daughter for years before she could escape her torment. The condition is genetic and she shares most all of the symptoms. This wasn’t someone that I just had a weekend fling with; this was my girlfriend for over a year who had been living with me for the past 6 months.
I’m sorry you’ve never been in such a relationship-I hadn’t either prior to this- but the reason I responded with such relief to Pantastic’s comment is because it showed me that someone had an idea of what I might be going thru. It’s a first for me and clearly not an experience yet on your life’s resume.
Go away.
This isn’t about me, it’s about you. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t castigate someone for interpreting your comments as if your girlfriend was formally diagnosed, and then follow it up later with evidence which would lead any reasonable person to have interpreted your comments that way in the first instance.
In any event, we can go back now to what I noted before. By your own admission you yourself are in behavioural therapy, you have anger management issues of your own, and you intend pursue formal therapeutic therapy in the near future for that as well. When combined with the symptoms you’d like us to accept at face value regarding your former girlfriend, there isn’t a reasonable person in the room who isn’t going to read that as one hell of a volatile fuel air mixture just waiting for a spark.
For me personally? I go back to your original post and there’s no hint at all of all this underlying stuff. Your original question was, have any of us experienced a similar thing? In the first instance a few of us would have answered, yeah kind of.
But then came your post about what your girlfriend told you when you spoke to her on on the phone. At first most of us probably thought, yeah, she really dumped on you dude. She’s bitter. But given what we know now? After all “the other stuff” has come out? You were in anything BUT a serene “almost perfect relationship”. The indications are you were in a classically volatile relationship which you yourself were contributing to. All things considered, it ended peacefully without escalation.
Do you not own a toilet or is there some other reason you keep having to take a dump in this thread?
Spare me the “I’m going to take sides” stuff Guin.
So long as I’m adhering to the guidelines of suitable posting conduct, and confining myself to the subject matter at hand, my conscience is quite clear thank you.
The OP has created a thread which, ostensibly, sought explanation where seemingly there was none. With time, especially today, some not insignifcant character traits have been divulged by the OP regarding himself no less. My view is the OP knowingly sought to minimise those character traits when he created this thread to portray a false impression of himself - as if the words on a computer screen would magically whisk away all the underlying issues therein.
That my words are uncomfortable? I have no doubt, but I meant every one of them. The OP chose to portray himself in such a way that all of us would extend unending empathy and compassion. Over time it became clear the OP himself has issues far more substantial than forgetting to put the toilet seat down. Issues which doubtless go towards explaining why his girlfriend moved on the way she did.
In my view this is a classic case of a guy being confronted with their own admissions, and really wishing they didn’t have to confront them so that the unending empathy narrative might continue uninterrupted.
Jamie, keep your cool. I sympathize with you, but this joker isn’t worth your getting yourself in trouble. Put him on your ignore list if you have to. You have more people on your side here than some loose cannon talking smack. Just don’t pay him any attention. He’ll get his comeuppance.
Alternately, perhaps a mod could move this thread into the Pit so anyone who felt so inclined could call a dickhead a dickhead without having to be scolded for doing it.
That’d be unnecessary. Just create a pit thread.
What boo boo fails to recognize is that due to the hidden nature of mental illness the reality of a mental disease, even without a formal diagnosis, can be difficult to understand. If you are missing a hand an observer has an idea what difficulties you may have in life. If you are missing a critical chemical or a few connections everything LOOKS normal. But the debilitation can be as bad as any physical damage. It causes people to drive into lakes with their children, commit suicide, not be able to control thoughts etc.
Unless you deal with or have lived with these folks it’s easy to say they should choose differently. For many of them there is no choice. Now if you do recognize all that boo boo you know what you are doing is accomplishing nothing other than attempting to cause emotional distress. Why?
Yeah, well, I’ll happily take the lump and take a warning in the wrong venue so I can tell this idiot who calls himself boo boo foo that he’s got a giant squelching asshole for a mouth. All it does when he opens it is go “squelch, squelch, squelch, pffffffttt,” with some sucking sounds. I’m hoping someone comes along who can manage to pick up the piles of shit the mouth hole left behind, and stuff it back in there.
BBFoo how is that narcissism for u
Boo Boo Foo is the narcissist. Look how he’s gotten the thread turned around to talking about him.
I remember Ambi from when he was new here, under a different user name. I have seen him grow and mature as a poster here, with humility and charm. He has changed, I think, so much for the better since his first year here. He really listens to people and takes advice to heart. His posting style has changed because of it - and in this thread there has not been one ounce of unreasonable irritation from him. If anyone is seeing “rage” in any posts from Ambi here, it’s colored by their own prejudices. Annoyance and saying to shut up after the idiot’s posts has been completely reasonable.
Ambi I’m sorry this heartbreak happened to you. I think you’ve shown remarkable restraint in this thread considering, and I think if you’re able to read everything without the coloring from one poster, there’s a bunch of affection and good advice for you to be found. A whole lot of us would have posted in the same situation, and reasoned sympathies and advice and just plain supportive bent ears are what’s appropriate.
I’m glad you were able to have one last conversation. That seems to have been the right thing for you to get what happened straight in your head so you can delete her from the rest of your social life like she deleted herself from your house, and get to the moving on part. Easier said than done, I know. I think you can do it, based on how much I’ve seen you work on yourself here on the Dope, you know damn well you’re a work in progress - just like the rest of us. You’re already taking all the right roads and talking to the right people with your therapy.