Tough blow [gf leaves me and moves out all while I am gone from the house]

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Ok, I’m not one to usually post about personal relationship issues but this one really hit me hard. It happened today. I had gotten home from being on the road for a few hours, expecting my dog and the newly acquired cat (a present to her) to greet me at the door. When only my dog came, I thought it odd but not much of it.

As I walk farther into the house, I immediately notice that the house is fucking barren. All the throw blankets, little decorative coffee tables, cat litter box (and cat!) and much more are gone. As I go further into the house, I notice more and more that has been removed; her toiletries in the bathroom, her stuff in the bedroom and probably most shocking of all (at least visually) was seeing my giant walk in closet, which had been filled to the gills with her clothes, fucking bone bare empty.

I stood there in shock for several minutes, trying to process what had happened. That day, earlier before I left, had been a good day! We had a good morning, were planning on what to do for the weekend, it was just a pleasant day. Not a hint of a problem. So it only added to my profound shock when I encountered this.

She had obviously high-tailed it out of there, yet any reason I could discern totally evaded me. We had a great relationship. In practically all areas. Our communication, at times, could use some work, but it was something we both worked at and were seeing improvements with. I loved her, completely.

The hardest part of all of this is she is not communicating with me in any way after she’s left. I have no idea where she is, what her reason for leaving was, or what she’s feeling. Nothing. It’s an incredibly difficult feeling to exist with. I’ve never experienced anything even close to this type of behavior before. She’s not a drug user, rarely drinks and is extremely smart. There were no affairs going on, this I know beyond a certainty (don’t ask me how but I do).

Has anyone ever had an experience like this? How did you cope? What might the motivations be for such behavior (broadly speaking)? I’m having a rough go of all of this and I can’t understand it from any perspective.

ETA: I should add, all the things taken from the house were hers.

2

She never existed. You hallucinated her.

No, but seriously, I’m having a hard time believing that one woman could disappear and move all that stuff out in so short a time.

3

Um, ok. What are you implying? That I’m lying? If so, thanks for your opinion. It’s been quite helpful.

4

My ex-wife did it to me. She had probably moved a lot of her clothes and that kind of stuff out over the past few days/weeks, but I never would have notice that. But I got home from work one day (after, all said and done) 11 years and she was basically like ‘see-ya’.

IME, when someone leaves you with no notice at all, it’s usually because there’s already someone else. If it makes you feel any better, often that means it isn’t your fault (feel free to blame it on her). If it makes you feel even better, if that is the case, he’s now dating someone he knows for a fact is willing to cheat on their boyfriend.

5

Wow I’m sorry to hear this, dude. No one deserves to be left high and dry like this (unless you were beating on her! But I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be surprised as to her reason then).

I’ll admit after reading the title and the first few lines I was afraid the dog was missing. Whew!

I hope you get some answers soon. Guessing that the extreme measures she took to leave, she is not coming back. So not cool :frowning:

Take care of yourself. Don’t drink yourself away. Take care of that dog!

6

This can happen when people get bored, dissatisfied, whatever and determine to leave, but hate confrontation and put up a front for a while so they can make a stealthy, drama free exit. It’s a remarkably shitty way to behave but it happens.

The fact that you emphasize this was a “good day” is (frankly) a bit odd. When a single person in a cohabiting relationship is making note of “good days” as something noteworthy it makes it sound like the relationship was often a bit of a struggle. A single woman with options is not going to necessarily want to be in that scenario.

I will echo what the others said that there’s often someone (emotionally) in the wings in these situations even if she is not having a physical relationship with them.

7

She wanted a clean break and planned it out in advance. Why? WhaddaIknow?

Dude, that sucks.

Assuming that you have some contact details (cell phone, what’s app, email). Without getting into recrimination or stalker territory, message “can you let me know you’re okay, and if it’s not too much trouble, some sort of closure would also be nice…”

To add, I *think *WF Tomba is trying to light humor as the ***stereotypical ***American female isn’t known for being able to do a total runner in 60 minutes. Hell, that’s a Quentin Tarantino kinda implausible suspension of belief subplot kinda thing where someone could just vacate their live-in life so completely in such a short time when it’s cinematically plausible that you might have come home early with a “honey, I’m home” bromide. YMMV

8

I’m sorry, Ambi. That must be awful. I don’t really know what else to say, but I’m sorry you’re going through this.

9

I’m very sorry this happened to you; an unexplained sudden change like this can be very difficult to get over (speaking from experience, although nothing so extreme as this).

One thing that occurred to me is to wonder whether she might have found that after all she couldn’t deal with your disability (unless I am wildly mis-remembering, you are in a wheelchair, aren’t you?) and she was too much of a coward to say so.

At the time of my similar but smaller-scale experience I happened to be in therapy, and my therapist told me that the other party had, by his actions, proved himself to be a flake without whom I was better off. I found it unconvincing (I just wanted to know why he did it) but I offer it here for what it is worth.

10

I’m sorry, I didn’t express myself very well. I was trying to imply that she must have had someone to help her move, because it seems like a lot for one person to do in a short time. It would take me about a week. On the other hand, I am terrible at any task requiring physical organization, so my perspective may be skewed.

11

I can’t even imagine.

Sorry man.

12

I saw it as a “good day” in hindsight, looking for possible cues as to the reason. I don’t see regular days as “good” or “bad” in terms of the relationship. Do you understand the distinction?

13

What a shock to have happen to you. I hope you’re OK and that she lets you know what the hell happened.

14

Whoa, I am so sorry. What a freaking bitch.

15

I know many are assuming it was another man. However, it’s not some “oh, I know how well I pleased her” or “I knew how strong our love was” belief that makes me absolutely confident it’s not another man. Given the current situation, that would have been practically impossible, short of some absolutely astounding time gymnastics.

She was between cars and was still a couple weeks away from having her own wheels again. And short of falling for someone online (which I guess is possible), there is just no way it was another guy. She had recently moved here from Florida, so she didn’t have a big network of friends here.

16

Wow, that’s brutal. So sorry, and I hope you get some kind of closure, or anything that helps you move on. That’s an utterly gut wrenching way for a relationship to end.

17

Change all your locks and look to your checking account and credit cards. She’s not coming back, and if she does she will feel free to do this again.

If not a new dude in her life she has to have some kind of support system in place. A women’s group, maybe?

18

No, no. It’s a hard part, but there is a harder part that you want to avoid if at all possible.

Start with one solid fact: she is not your GF now.

From your GF, you should be able to expect meaningful and helpful explanations.

From “NOT YOUR GF”, you have no such expectations. She’s not your GF. There is no reason to expect anything she would say now would be helpful, because she’s NOT YOUR GF. Anything she could say now could legitimately be designed to make her feel better about herself, even if it’s at your expense. Because now, SHE’S NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND anymore.

I don’t mean to detract from the relationship you had, or the love you have, or the reasons you loved her. Those things have nothing to do with any communication you could have with her now, because she is no longer in that relationship.

It’s tough in this situation. She demonstrated what kind of GF she was: you loved it, and you loved her. Now she has demonstrated what kind of “NOT YOUR GF” she is. The kind who is willing to hurt you to make her life better. Don’t make it a judgement on your time together, and don’t make of your time together a judgment on your time apart.

Draw a line. That was then: you loved that girl. This is now: you don’t love this behaviour. Different times, different relationships.

19

Pretty much the same thing happened to me - my fucking wife just up and left with no explanation, and although she was also refusing communication for a while I eventually did talk to her and learn that she had gotten pregnant… by someone else. (in my case we were only married for a year and a half when she left, and the fact that we had not any kids of our own and I’m sure due to the timing of it that it wasn’t mine made it a lot less ugly than it could have been)

Still, it absolutely sucked and was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I truly understand your pain. There’s not really anything anyone can say that will make it any better. Of course, it will get better with time but that’s probably not what you really want to hear right now. You just have to process it.

20

How long had you been together?