Women are slow to get to the place where they move on. But when they do they mean it.
We men are mostly blind to the irritations and frustrations which our partners experience so when they leave it is a traumatic shock. Unknown to us, it has been building for months if not years in our partners mind until that ultimate moment when it all snaps.
I can only offer heartfelt sympathy.
Your GF isn’t a bad person. She got to the point where she couldn’t stay. And out of shame she can’t communicate with you. Been there done that. You are not alone.
Same here, at first it was horribly painful and took me over a year to get over. Now it’s just something that happened and I’m actually quite grateful, my life since has been much more interesting and fulfilling.
Sorry, man. When stuff like that happens, it is ultimately about the fact that you thought you knew her and you didn’t. Was she actively hiding a part of herself from you, or were you choosing not to see it…etc. That’s where all the second-guessing fun resides.
Unless she was fearful of her security, and nothing in this thread suggests she should have been, then it was a cowardly move by someone who wasn’t capable of communicating.
Time takes time - I wish you strength as you digest this and start to look ahead.
I’m sorry to hear of this turn of events, I’m so very sorry you’re suffering through this loss.
I watched a woman do a similar exit from a relationship, and found it especially cruel and unnecessarily harsh at the time. It nearly crushed the poor guy, to be honest. It took me a really long time to come to understand why she chose as she did. I think she just realized there was no room for debate or negotiation, which he would most certainly have required. I suspect she hung in longer than she should have, knowing how hurtful he would find it, how blindsided he would feel. In the end I felt like she was probably right, to do as she had, there was no ‘reason’, beyond ‘I don’t feel to do this any longer.’ No amount of talk, debate, discussion was going to change her feelings or soften the blow. But that took me many years to understand.
People lose loved ones suddenly and unexpectedly everyday. In accidents, to sudden illness or catastrophe. There was no preparation for such events and no resolution or closure for them to find. But they manage to get passed it and you will too. With time. Maybe it will help you to consider how forgiving you’d be if she was just gone for a reason you find ‘more acceptable’, than just up and leaving without explanation? I mean, if she’d been struck by lightening and just gone from your life, it would be hard and still a tragic loss, but you wouldn’t feel like it reflected somehow on you or your relationship. Maybe a little mind game you can play with yourself to get passed it?
At any rate, you’ll be in my thoughts, wishing you peace, and Good Luck!
Many years ago a friend of mine was the vanisher in this scenario. Waited for live-in girlfriend to go to work, had another friend (not me) help him load his possessions into a truck, and immediately moved to another state. Their relationship had been publicly volatile though, and he had a legitimate fear that she would freak out completely if he attempted to break up with her, so while I’m sure it was a shock I think the motivation behind it was much less mysterious than in your case.
At any rate, I know it must suck immensely and I sympathize.
It could be something long-brewing like some people think, or she could have a significant mental issue - several personality disorders can lead to someone doing the ‘everything is good… BAM I’m gone’ maneuver. Since she didn’t say anything and probably won’t, you won’t know for sure, but it’s probable that she has a significant problem that she won’t ever seek help for.
Good people don’t hurt their partners like that. She’s either an asshole or has a major, untreated mental issue, and in either case he should remember that he’s lucky nothing worse happened. I don’t believe in making excuses for really cruel behavior, it makes it too easy to allow it to happen to you again.
A friend came home after a long day at work to find stuff missing, ran out, and dialed 911. Only after the police searched the apartment did she go back in and realize only her bf’s stuff was gone. He took off after overhearing her mention they’d been together nearly seven years, which was common-law territory.
buddy of mine had his wife do something similar. 'cept it wasn’t while she was away; just had a few of her family show up, she said she was leaving, they grabbed her stuff and that was that. granted I only have one side of the story, but supposedly there was no discussion about anything being wrong. Just up and left.
Happened to me once. Day after she signed on to my apartment lease. Came home from work to find her and her stuff gone. She did leave me a note. Looking back, it was probably a good thing.