Transexuals and their mates

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’ve been wondering this for a while now. A long time ago, I read an article about a man who said he was a “lesbian trapped in a man’s body” and had a sex change. (I used to use that phrase jokingly, but not anymore…) The oddest thing to me was that he had a wife and she was cool with it. This brings up the question of whether she was bisexual or what. I would imagine the majority of transexuals are homosexual before their change, so they would be in a homosexual relationship during the sex change, but how could their partner be homosexual if they continue the loving afterwards? Is it safe to say that partners of a transexual before and after the operation are bisexual, or am I missing something? I know love is supposed to have no bounds, but if I had a wife, I doubt I would be happy with her swapping her vagina for a penis and then wanting to sex me up. I really don’t know how I’d feel, but our romantic relationship would probably come to an end. What’s the deal with this?

(I put this in IMHO after much consideration because I expect it to be answered with anecdotes and educated guesses, but go ahead and move it if it would match another forum more closely.)

2

I’m guessing that a lot of marriages like that with an accepting spouse are where the wife isn’t “surprised” by her hubbys body image desires or goals and he/she was upfront with her from the get go.

3

Well, no. Sexual orientation and gender identity are two different things.

4

I suspect that most marrieds split after SRS. In a number of cases, what happens is the MtF transsexual ends up in a “sister/friend” relationship with the wife. This happens with mid-life MtF cases that have managed to crank out families in the process of living before their decision to go with SRS. In these cases the MtF wants to preserve their basic relationships, viewing the gender change as a natural thing. Mixed results ensue, with the expected outcome: many wives are primary heterosexual and the marriage effectively ends with the actual vaginoplasty. In cases where the marriage continues, it frequently continues in a platonic way. A number of MtF transsexuals going all the way through SRS then operate as heterosexual females, even when they acted as heterosexual males pre-op.

The wives that carry on with their post-op MtF spouses must have been bisexual to begin with, which would explain their tolerance of a gender-conflicted husband.

As for FtMs, they’re now about half of all SRS procedures, their terminal procedure being a radical hysterectomy/double mastectomy/phalloplasty. The most common pattern in these cases is for a pre-op FtM to have a sympathetic female partner who sticks around post-op.

5

I dated a nice young man who let me know, a couple months in to the relationship, that she was actually a nice young girl just waiting to save enough money to make that a physical as well as mental reality.

It was a bit of a shock, but I was game. I liked this person before and I didn’t see why I should change my mind because of a little rearrangement. In fact, she was so unhappy with her male body that I figured the change would improve our sex lives and more than anything I wanted to see her happy- she was so much more sexy and ufn and alive when not forced to inhabit a male persona. It was pretty fun to have a partner to shop for clothes and make-up with. I fully anticipated helping her through the trouble she’d inevitably have with her parents and the like.

In the end it didn’t work out. Mostly it was a lot of random factors, but the fact that she was transgendered was one of them. She simply had too much hurt and betrayal in her life to really love yet. She had too many things to work through, the fundamental one being that God screwed up pretty bad when making her body.

6

I certainly realized that after reading that article. There still could be a tendency one way though, although I may be fooling myself by following the stereotype that the majority are gay before the change.

astro gave a good answer, with more details from cerberus.

even sven: If you don’t mind me asking, would you consider yourself a bisexual, or was this one situation the only time you’ve ever been willing to swing that way? (I’m not sure which gender you are, so I’m also not sure which way you would be swinging after the operation.)

7

I should rephrase this. Are you actively bisexual, as in you seek out partners of both genders, or just passively bisexual in that you wouldn’t seek females but were willing to go along with this situation?

8

I guess I may be bisexual, but lean heavily towards guys and have never sought out a female partner. I am a female myself.

9

I hate to be one of those people who posts hijacks about the Google ads, but I just can’t resist pointing out “Keep Your Mr. Right! 10 Relationship Mistakes Women Make That Scare Away Mr. Right.” Because that is seriously funny.

A friend of the family was telling me about her cousin whose husband underwent reassignment surgery - she thought she could handle it and maintain a platonic relationship, but it was too much for her and she split; they broke all their ties.

10

I have been in one of those relationships and I am friends with many transsexuals.

As for my friends, I do know individuals who remain with their partners during transition and even after. Normally, these relationships work when either the transsexual partner was very upfront about their gender identity from the beginning or the other individual knew that the were gender confused from the get-go. One of my friends has been with her partner for 11 years. About 8 years ago, she began to transition from male to female and it was her partner who encouraged her to transition. They are very happy together and have the cutest relationship. Her partner identifies as bisexual.

Ones where transition began later in the relationship tend not to go as well, but I do know some who are still together. I know some girls (I know mostly male to female transsexuals) who are now friends with their wives (because the wife was encouraging of her partner but not bi) and some who’s ex-wives hate them (normally the ones who came out after years of marriage.)

As for my own experience, I was introduced to an individual who identified as transsexual in 2001. Early on, she seemed to be more genderqueer (at least in relation to me), going by both “he” and “she.” When we first started dating, I would mostly refer to her as he (We lived with her parents and she wasn’t out yet to most people). If you were going to catagorize our relationship, then most people would say heterosexual, except that my partner was an extremely feminine male (people often ‘mistook’ him for a girl and we were constantly called ladies). We had a very strong relationship for two years but eventually broke up for a variety of reasons, none to do with her being a transsexual. About a year ago she started taking hormones and began the process to change her name. Now she has cute little breasts and a more feminine facial structure. We remained good friends and still sleep together on occasion. In fact, I am posting this from her apartment. :smiley:

I regard myself as bisexual. I seem to be emotionally attracted to women but physically attractive to men. To be completely honest, I prefer her male body over her female one, but I still consider her incredibly sexy. (I think she made a sexy guy and that she’s also a sexy girl.) Personality is the key for me and even if she was an ugly girl, I still would date her because to me, mind matters more than body.

As of right now, she regards herself as a non-op transsexual. If she finds a way to get the surgery done and has it, I would still be interested in a relationship with her, provided that all the other details were worked out. A lot of transsexuals do change while on hormones though. Lately she seems more interested in guys and I bet she will end up with one eventually. It wasn’t that her sexuality changed, but rather, she’s only interested in dating straight men, and it’s only in the past year that she’s been able to completely, totally pass. (Now random guys hit on her all the time and have no clue whatsoever).

I hope that helped. Feel free to ask any questions. :slight_smile:

11

I have been in one of those relationships and I am friends with many transsexuals.

As for my friends, I do know individuals who remain with their partners during transition and even after. Normally, these relationships work when either the transsexual partner was very upfront about their gender identity from the beginning or the other individual knew that the were gender confused from the get-go. One of my friends has been with her partner for 11 years. About 8 years ago, she began to transition from male to female and it was her partner who encouraged her to transition. They are very happy together and have the cutest relationship. Her partner identifies as bisexual.

Ones where transition began later in the relationship tend not to go as well, but I do know some who are still together. I know some girls (I know mostly male to female transsexuals) who are now friends with their wives (because the wife was encouraging of her partner but not bi) and some who’s ex-wives hate them (normally the ones who came out after years of marriage.)

As for my own experience, I was introduced to an individual who identified as transsexual in 2001. Early on, she seemed to be more genderqueer (at least in relation to me), going by both “he” and “she.” When we first started dating, I would mostly refer to her as he (We lived with her parents and she wasn’t out yet to most people). If you were going to catagorize our relationship, then most people would say heterosexual, except that my partner was an extremely feminine male (people often ‘mistook’ him for a girl and we were constantly called ladies). We had a very strong relationship for two years but eventually broke up for a variety of reasons, none to do with her being a transsexual. About a year ago she started taking hormones and began the process to change her name. Now she has cute little breasts and a more feminine facial structure. We remained good friends and still sleep together on occasion. In fact, I am posting this from her apartment. :smiley:

I regard myself as bisexual. I seem to be emotionally attracted to women but physically attractive to men. To be completely honest, I prefer her male body over her female one, but I still consider her incredibly sexy. (I think she made a sexy guy and that she’s also a sexy girl.) Personality is the key for me and even if she was an ugly girl, I still would date her because to me, mind matters more than body.

As of right now, she regards herself as a non-op transsexual. If she finds a way to get the surgery done and has it, I would still be interested in a relationship with her, provided that all the other details were worked out. A lot of transsexuals do change while on hormones though. Lately she seems more interested in guys and I bet she will end up with one eventually. It wasn’t that her sexuality changed, but rather, she’s only interested in dating straight men, and it’s only in the past year that she’s been able to completely, totally pass. (Now random guys hit on her all the time and have no clue whatsoever).

I hope that helped. Feel free to ask any questions. :slight_smile: