On the flip side of that; since I’ve gained wait, I’ve noticed men aren’t as quick to get snarky with me as they used to be.
Actually, it kind of annoying. I can remember one instance where I was up at the pub having some brews with my fellow bar patrons. One of them said something in jest to me, I didn’t hear what he said but everybody at the bar got a good chuckle.
When I asked “What?”, he immediately starts apologizing. But the thing was, I didn’t say “What?” because I was pissed, I only said that because I wanted in on the joke so I could laugh too.
That would have never happened to a skinny 170lb me.
Someone who doesn’t ask you out until you drop 40 pounds? You know with absolute certainty that what matters most to them is your appearance - they just proved it.
Shocker, people who look like they take care of themselves (whether dressing nicely or not being overweight) get more positive responses than people who don’t.
I’m a big girl, having gained since my mid-20’s. The only thing I’ve noticed to be different is that men don’t yell at me from their cars, or follow me down the street, or stare at me being all creepy, or hold their crotch, or whistle, or grab my ass while I’m trying to navigate a crowded place. Now it only happens a few times a year, rather than every goddamned day.
I don’t miss that shit at all.
Service and professional treatment, I can’t say is any different from 20 year ago. Maybe I’ve been oblivious all this time. Maybe it’s my boisterous personality. I’ve been told I have a commanding presence and people seem think I’m taller than I really am. Weird.
There are tons of people in the world, there needs to be some impetus to give them a chance. Physical attraction is one shorthand people use, but just because physical attraction caused the first shot doesn’t mean it’s the only thing that matters.
I wasn’t physically attracted to my ex at first (she wasn’t overweight, but did have bad acne and didn’t dress well), but when we were forced together on a school project we talked and I became physically attracted to her after an emotional attraction developed. There’s no reason the reverse can’t happen. In this case, he approached her because he thought she was attractive, but this doesn’t mean that an emotional attraction can’t develop that keeps him looking at her after she gains wait or whatever else.
If they worked together, but didn’t have much direct interpersonal contact, it’s entirely possible there was no impetus for him to develop any sort of attraction. If they had been on a project together and forced to work closely, he very well may have fallen in love with her regardless of her weight. If she had made a really witty wisecrack at a board meeting and he likes humor, he may have given her a chance regardless of her weight. Just because her looking attractive was the impetus for trying to develop a relationship doesn’t mean at all that all that person cares about is looks.
I’ve been fat and thin (and fat again). When I was thin, the major difference from MY point of view is that I knew I wouldn’t have to deal with people’s rejection of me just for being fat.
It pissed me off BIG TIME when people said “You feel better about yourself.” NO, you blithering idiots! YOU feel better about ME because I’m not fat. THAT’s the source of my confidence.
Congrats FloatyGimpy because it makes you feel good. I’ve been thin and fat, thin and fat several times, and when fat I find I’m invisible. But then I noticed I was doing it, too. I was looking “past” fat people so as not to seem like I was staring or being judgmental.
That is exactly why I’m not friends with everyone I meet. I do “interview” before deciding whom to consider a friend. The interview consists of actual interactions over time. The first interaction is usually based on chance more than anything else.
We could argue this all day since there is nothing factual here except our personal experiences. I just don’t like being lumped into the “we” that bases friendship on appearance.
Four or five years ago I lost almost 50 pounds, I am back up 10 right now but that is being turned around. I am not going down that road again.
Knowing how hard it is to lose weight, the effort and discipline required to get to a place and stay there, I will disagree with you about your statement. You aren’t the same person, you are now a person who takes good care of yourself. You don’t make fake giggling excuses for having a second doughnut in a meeting. You don’t go back for seconds at dinner. It shows in the weight you lost.
You are respecting yourself now so why are you surprised to find that others are respecting you now too?
Anyway… yes, it’s a sad fundamental fact of human nature that people separate themselves from people who aren’t like them. Probably dates back to ancient times when someone who didn’t look like you was probably from an enemy tribe, or… something.
Discrimination is a terrible, terrible thing, whether it’s on the basis of skin color, sexual orientation, sex, gender identity, weight, appearance, religion, or economic status. And unfortunately, everyone is probably guilty of it from time to time, and it’s something that will never truly go away.
I experience a less extreme version of the OP’s scenario every time I get my hair cut. I usually go three months or so between cuts, and more often than not, don’t shave in between. (Comes from never having been taught how). After I get a shave and a haircut, I notice a dramatic difference in the way people treat me- which, in turn, causes me to act differently towards them.
I do think that it is unfortunate that people get judged by their looks. However (isn’t that the word that always precludes something awful?)
I think skinny people have some animosity against fat people in general.
I know it is wrong at least half the time, but I think people get sick of all the excuses, denial and all the other baggage that comes along with being fat. There is a SMALL portion of the overweight individuals in America that have good reason. Outside of that, it is laziness, or lack of self control.
I think a lot of people that approach this argument ignore some of the behaviors that led to being overweight.
Being obsessive about food, hogging food, idolizing food, avoiding work or exercise.
I don’t want to work with someone like that - I know I’m going to get stuck doing the lion’s share of the work.
Possibly not in the original spirit of the thread, but still related to being treated differently after losing weight.
I have lost about 80 lbs in the last couple years. I am about 20 lbs from my goal. I have found that there are a few people I know who are still fat who treat me differently now that I am not.
It’s almost like contempt for my success. Like I’m no longer one of them because I managed to overcome my issues and lose the weight. If I decline an invitation to eat something, like an ice cream sundae at the volunteer appreciation event, I hear stuff like, “Oh, right you can’t eat good food any more since you’re on a diet,” or “Yeah, wouldn’t want one little ice cream to ruin your figure.” I have also heard a number of comments about how they are far too busy with their jobs, families, activities, etc. to lose weight, either implying or coming right out and saying that I must not have much going on in my life that I can devote so much time to my weightloss.
As for being treated differently by the public in general, I haven’t really notices. But then, I am a pretty outgoing personality to begin with. I smile a lot and I’m friendly whether I am fat or thin. I feel like people are treating me the same. Except guys - I have noticed guys flirting with me a bit more. That’s nice, but irrelevant as I’m married.
It’d be a pretty unjust world if you put time and effort into making yourself more attractive - slimmer, fitter, better dressed, a shave and a haircut, maybe iron out a few behavioural tics that you know people are irritated by, involve yourself in good works for those less blessed than yourself, develop interests, and so on - and then no-one found you more attractive as a result.
I am sure I’d have made more progress thirty years ago if I’d just paid attention to all of the above instead of waiting for people to be interested in the real me. Corollary: if I’d done it, and people had been more interested, what would be the point of resenting it? It was what I set out to achieve, so yay me.
