Wow three pages in under 24 hours. Impressive.
This is an excellent explanation of the cultural environment that leads to fucked up attitudes about sex. One of the results of this is that there is a subset of women that want to have sex but don’t want to feel like their sluts. The solution for them is that they want to be talked into it. It’s fucked up, but it’s a real phenomenon. I have no idea how common it is, but some variation of that attitude has been present in three of the girls I’ve slept with. Since that represents about 30% of the people I’ve slept with, I can only assume it’s relatively common.
So the reality is that no does not always mean absolutely no. It can mean, “yes, but I want you to be the instigator”. It can mean, “maybe, I want to fool around a bit and see how it goes first”. It can mean, “I want to fool around a bit but not have sex”.
I know what the reaction is going to be. And that’s “I don’t do this and neither do any of my friends”. Well, I’ve never raped, sexually harassed, drugged, or assaulted a woman and neither have any of my friends. Yet, these things happen. The logical explanation for this is that either my friends don’t do these things, but other people do, or that my friends do these things but don’t admit to it.
So here’s how I’ll put it. I can count the number of people I’ve slept with using both my hands and I’ve heard (paraphrased for brevity):
I wanted to sleep with you but I didn’t want you to think I’m a slut
I want to sleep with you, but I’m a good girl
I’d rather booty call my ex because I don’t want my number to go up
I never make the first move (sexually). That’s the man’s job.
If we’re just friends and sleeping together, that makes me a slut
You can think I’m lying or that there’s something wrong with these women, but neither would be correct. I’m not lying and these women are otherwise normal appearing college educated professional women.