Tricks you use(d) that don't work

[MeanOldLady]

@Chronos

On the punctuality thing, I have the opposite problem. Most of the folks I hang out with are international students, many of whom come from cultures much more relaxed about time. So I’ll get an invitation to a party that says it starts at 6, and I’ll try hard to find things to keep me occupied long enough, and show up at 6:30 or 6:45, and still be the first person there.

Well since we’re off topic, I may as well continue.

I know a lot of people who live by CP Time, or whatever the vernacular may be for their particular culture that involves seeing times as approximations, as opposed to a very strict, written-in-stone deadlines. I have learned to adjust my arrival time based on people’s expectations.

For example, I was just talking to my German* friend last night, and at one point said one thing I like about him as that he’s never on time for anything. I really meant that, and he understood. He’s never ridiculously late, but he, much like I, think “7ish” is a perfectly reasonable time to set for something, and that it’s a window, and people should use their Og-given judgment in not stretching that window so absurdly beyond 7:00 that even mentioning the number 7 is no longer appropriate. When we make plans, it’s very laid back, and we show up when we show up.

For others, once you give them a number, even if you suffix it with “-ish,” they will be there 15 minutes early, and will grow agitated every second you’re “late.” There are people I know who won’t even bother with the pretense of saying “-ish” at all, and will set the arrival time as the etched-in-marble arrival time. I will accommodate these people. Obviously if I’m hanging out with them, I like them enough that I don’t want to piss them off, but I gotta say I feel better about the whole thing when I know my arrival window is wider than five minutes. I’m strict about time when time is crucial (a show, interview, etc), but for casual lounging, not so much, unless I’m going to meet someone who is strict about time, in which case I will apply so as not to be an ass.

Back on topic: You know what else doesn’t work? Bringing cash (only) to the bar to get you home by curfew. If you want to leave, you will, but if not you’ll just stick around anyway and nice someone up for a freebie.

*I only mention he’s German because I believe the stereotype of Germans is that they’re punctual, disciplined and efficient. My German friend is the least punctual friend I have.

[Maiira]

@thelurkinghorror

I use the “drafts” folder on my phone to take notes. My version is:

Possibly while drunk, need to write something important down.

Compose brief message that simplifies the facts. I start to wonder whether I should clarify… nah…

The next day: “WTF does this mean?”

Ha! I used to do that with notes in college. I’d write down some stupid little phrase or shorthand to describe something, thinking “boy, I’m so witty and clever. This is sure to help me on the test, because I will remember what this represents!” Then come study time later, I look at the phrase and think “what the fuck is THAT supposed to mean??”

[Bam_Boo_Gut]

@MeanOldLady

Back on topic: You know what else doesn’t work? Bringing cash (only) to the bar to get you home by curfew. If you want to leave, you will, but if not you’ll just stick around anyway and nice someone up for a freebie.

I’ve got this one down: going out later so you’ll drink less, only to drink quicker to catch up!

Running a tab because you’ve run out of money - then buying a huge round on it. :smack:

[Hal_Briston]

@thelurkinghorror

Have you seen this? It’s a clock that can be 0-15 minutes fast. I’ll bet it will stop working after awhile.

Damn…I’ve been telling my wife about this idea of mine for years. Add another one to the list of “million-dollar inventions for which I just hadn’t got around to building a prototype”. Ah well.

[hougaswd]

Any attempt to organize my home workshop. All projects I attempt there will, for most of the time they are under way, appear to be the residue of some kind of explosion. The best I can do is to occasionally sort out the tools from the parts and put them away.

Saving receipts for a warranty adjustment means I have piles of receipts that are scrap paper because the one for the widget that just broke was lost immediately after it was unwrapped.

The more careful I am to keep up with routine maintenance such as oil changes the more certain it is that my current automobile will start burn oil at low miles.

Any attempt I’ve made to pass lessons learned through painful experience to my son will inevitably sound irrelevant at best and usually pathetic.

Walt

[Bam_Boo_Gut]

@hougaswd

Any attempt I’ve made to pass lessons learned through painful experience to my son will inevitably sound irrelevant at best and usually pathetic.

Yep Yep.

Just last week:

Kid: Mum, I want to get that $2,500 out of the bank today, so I can give it to Jim tomorrow as a down payment on the car.
Me: Lets get it out tomorrow and take it straight to Jim.
Kid: Mum, please don’t tell me you once lost two and a half grand overnight.
Me: Of course not
Me to you guys: It wasn’t just the money. I actually put all the car papers and a hundred quid on top of the car … and drove off. Came back half an hour later to see all these important documents all over the road, started picking them up thinking some poor idiot, lets have a look and see if I can return them … probably someone who lives around here … the money was gone. :o

[Claude_Remains]

I keep trying to sneek up on my wiener with my left hand. He plays opossum every time!

[Autolycus]

@Claude_Remains

I keep trying to sneek up on my wiener with my left hand. He plays opossum every time!

Really? Usually my wiener prefers to play hard to get, unless I’ve been drinking, in which chase he is known to play hide and seek.

[Fish_Nya]

I like to play the due-date game. I’m horrible with procrastinating on papers and such, so I tell myself “pretend it’s due tomorrow and start working now!” I usually start, but then get distracted. It’s not really due tomorrow, so why worry? Do that for a week and then, oh shit- it is due tomorrow! But, I still have 12 hours, 10, 7, 6, how do I only have 3 hours, this makes no sense.

[Panurge]

@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast

Try hiding things from yourself.
Until I have Alzheimer’s, it ain’t workin’!!

It works perfectly. You just have to be very, very drunk when you hide it. I used to do this with cash when I was younger and poorer. I woke up assuming that I had spent all my money the night before and promptly forgot all about it. At the end of the month I would look through my stuff, and once in a while I was able to pull out some cash.

[MeanOldLady]

@hougaswd

Saving receipts for a warranty adjustment means I have piles of receipts that are scrap paper because the one for the widget that just broke was lost immediately after it was unwrapped.

Someone in another thread said he tapes the warranty to the bottom of his gizmos. I thought that was good advice that I’ll probably get around to taking some day.

@Fish_Nya

I like to play the due-date game. I’m horrible with procrastinating on papers and such, so I tell myself “pretend it’s due tomorrow and start working now!” I usually start, but then get distracted. It’s not really due tomorrow, so why worry? Do that for a week and then, oh shit- it is due tomorrow! But, I still have 12 hours, 10, 7, 6, how do I only have 3 hours, this makes no sense.

Ha ha, excellent. I am the queen of this. One day I’m going to declare to myself, “Oh, fuck it. You know you’re not going to do it until the last minute anyway, so just put it off and be done with it.”

[WhyNot]

@MeanOldLady

Ha ha, excellent. I am the queen of this. One day I’m going to declare to myself, “Oh, fuck it. You know you’re not going to do it until the last minute anyway, so just put it off and be done with it.”

I actually did that this semester. And then, much to my consternation, I spent the intervening days “just looking this one thing up”, or “making this one little note so when I do this project, I’ll remember to include this” and “just play around with this verbage, but of course I’ll totally change it later when I *really *do the project.”

I can’t even *procrastinate *right! :smack:

[Alma]

I have a big note taped to the inside of my front door, right in between two locks, that says in big sharpie letters “DID YOU TAKE YOUR PILLS?”

It worked for about two weeks, and now I don’t even notice it. Next I’m going to try sticking it in different locations on the door every week or so. I probably will end up blocking the whole door from my sight and attention.

[SpoilerVirgin]

When you lose weight, give away all your fat clothes, and you won’t gain it back.

It took me 20 years, and countless bags of donated clothing, to realize that this never, ever works. Now all of my fat clothes are stored in bins in the garage. I’m trying to convince myself that this means I’ll never need them.

At least some charities got a bunch of nice clothes.

[Blackberry]

@Bam_Boo_Gut

Piling up things in front of the door so I won’t forget to take them. 5 gallon water container? I’ll never spot it on my way out even if I have to step over it. I’ll have a brief funny-place-to-leave-that moment though.

Oh that always works perfectly for me. I don’t see how you can miss something if it’s right underneath the doorknob.

Maybe it depends on the size of your family/household though? I’m pretty much in control of everything that goes on here. Nobody but me puts stuff right in front of the front door. If I see something there, either I put it there intentionally so I wouldn’t forget it, or my daughter is about to get yelled at.

[TruCelt]

@MeanOldLady

Someone in another thread said he tapes the warranty to the bottom of his gizmos. I thought that was good advice that I’ll probably get around to taking some day.

It’s fantastic advice, which I will never take, because that would require knowing where the $%&*&ing tape is.

Can’t believe I’m the first to say: Checking into the Dope, just for a minute or two. Just long enough to insert some intellectual stimulation into an otherwise boring and repetitive day. Just for a minute. Just long enough to cheer myself up a bit, and then I’ll get right back to work. . . .

[Bam_Boo_Gut]

@Blackberry

Oh that always works perfectly for me. I don’t see how you can miss something if it’s right underneath the doorknob.

Maybe it depends on the size of your family/household though? I’m pretty much in control of everything that goes on here. Nobody but me puts stuff right in front of the front door. If I see something there, either I put it there intentionally so I wouldn’t forget it, or my daughter is about to get yelled at.

It gets worse Blackberry - I live alone! :smack: