Similarly, movies have taught me that all skeptics, everywhere, when presented with seemingly incontrovertible evidence, never step back and say “hmmm, you might be on to something, there. Maybe.” They will only rarely say “well, most likely we’re hallucinating something, but if this continues in a replicable way I will express provisional belief.”
They will always say “you’re nuts! No way! That’s impossible! Science doesn’t lie!”
People only have coitus with the top sheet carefully drawn up to their shoulders. When leaving the bed afterwards the man coyly pulls on his boxer shorts.
And women always have sex with their tops (or at least their bras) on.
That is actually fairly plausible, since deliberate acceleration is something planned and predictable that the damper can be set to compensate for, while an external attack isn’t. The implausible part is that despite such attacks involving really huge forces, there’s always just enough impact energy getting through to toss everyone around, and not enough to smash everybody into raspberry jam against the bulkheads.
In extreme weather events (volcanoes, earthquakes, floods, etc.) dogs are immune to injury or death.
The footnote to this would be that, on the rare occasion when the dog does become injured and isn’t able to be carried, it’s owner has to then kill it. It will never simply die in the event itself.
Whenever you die you make the Wilhelm scream.
Why do you think they always wear these skimpy clothes? Certainly not for the eye-candy, it’s actual protection!
I will testify in court to the real-life truth of this one. Except for the “But you won’t” part.
But even they have perfect teeth.
[Glee]
Their own show on Bravo.
[/Glee]
And if someone asks you if you’re a God, you say yes!!!
If you go around killing people or are just a bad person in general, you must slick your hair back. You cannot be a good, nice person with slicked back hair.
Similarly, unless you are a movie star too, if you want to do evil you must be ugly. If you are doing a bad thing for a greater good or turn good in the end, only then can you be good looking.
Please let us teach our children that only ugly people can hurt you.
If you take a bath, you must always submerge yourself fully, backwards, keeping your eyes open.
If you are trying to bring down a villain, you get a free pass to kill any innocent security staff that are trying to protect him.
Villains ALWAYS have small armies of henchmen, most of them willing to kill and all of them ready to die for their master.
Cops who are chasing villains don’t have to fill out any paperwork or write any reports about the people they kill along the way.
How else are we to know that these are groceries?
A post, tree, or interior wall is all the protection you need when fired upon at close range by an automatic weapon. If unavailable, simply turn sideways and press your back against a flat surface.
Corollary: All bombs must have large, bright digital timers. And cutting the wrong wire will cause the timer to speed up.
If a movie is set in a certain city, the opening shot and/or the trailer is sure to show one of the following shots: The Brooklyn Bridge and the Manhattan skyline (even if the movie is set in the outer boroughs); the Golden Gate or Bay Bridge/Transamerica Pyramid; or the Hollywood sign.
Obviously we wouldn’t be able to figure out the setting any other way.
For some reason, movies set in Chicago never show the establishing shot, unless it’s a baseball-related movie (Wrigley).
If you’re having sex with a new person, your friends and co-workers will immediately notice something “different” about you.
Anyone can be hypnotized in seconds, just by looking at a pen held in front of their eyes and told to concentrate.
Beautiful women die peacefully, in soft focus (see: Love Story).
Women are modest when it comes to nudity, and must use the entire bed sheet to cover themselves when they get out of bed after sex, even when she and her partner are the only ones in the house.
When you engage in conversation, a third party is usually eavesdropping and overhearing just enough to get either a comedically or dramatically wrong impression. This happens to everybody, all the time. Don’t try to fight it.
Maybe not, but Chicago residents wear Cubs, Bears or Blackhawks jerseys all the time.