and straightens her hair. Always curly to straight.
Pluckiness and moxy will always beat preparation, training and natural athleticism.
All superior technology has one fatal flaw that will propagate through the entire system once exploited.
One can survive a fall from any distance, so long as it is broken by any object prior to striking the Earth. Scafolding, concrete ledge, skylight, stained glass cathedral ceiling, parked car, whatever. It is only contact with the ground that kills you.
You must either choose between your career and your family/love of your life. You can’t have both. inevitably you will be forced between ditching that presentation, promotion or big deal that will make or break your career and missing some inane activity with your 6 year old daughter that she will not remember in a week. Because IRL, high powered lawyers, investment bankers, business executive and whatnot never have families.
Especially if they have despised each other from moment one. The more polarized they are, the harder they will fall in love.
It’s OK, though. Eventually the CEO or the judge or whatnot will be won over by your charm and commitment to your family and reinstate you, often admonishing those around you that you, truly, have a keener understanding of what is important in life.
I just want to say that this has worked for me every time I have tried it.
Also, if the blast is too big to jump from, you can lock yourself in an old upright freezer and ride it out that way, but you tend to get bruised a little doing that.
Sassy gay guys and sassy black women can say things that would get anybody else slapped, fired, or sued for sexual harassment. (One wonders if a sassy gay guy and a sassy black guy quarreled what the outcome would be.)
This one is true. I’ve told many people that if the company had wanted them to have a family there’d have been one in that packet they got when they came to work here. The look on their faces when they realize I’m not joking is kind of sad.
In the future, all spaceships will travel in one plane, and all cultures will spontaneously adopt the same arbitrary direction as “up”. This is important, as if your ship with its artificially produced gravity should happen to tilt, everything will slide around [OK, that last bit may have only happened in WALL-E, but man that bugged me].
The universal translator will not only proved real-time, syntactically perfect translations for any race you happen to meet, but will also maintain the speakers vocal timbre and tone, operate in any scenario–despite the obvious lack of any actual device (like, say, during an act of coitus with a blue-skinned alien)–and make the speaker’s mouth move in the shape of the listener’s language. Also, you can apparently occasionally make it not work for the other person, at least if you are speaking Klingon or French.
The laws of physics can be circumvented by installing a device to counteract whichever effect is currently inconveniencing you, like an inertial damper, or Heisenberg compensator. Also, while inertial dampers work perfectly when instantaneously accelerating to several times the speed of light, during a space battle, any weapons impact will be sufficient to throw you across the room.
And regardless of how much evidence Action Guy has collected on the impending disaster, his supervisor will ignore it, tell him not to upset the locals unduly, and take him off the case.
Well, that last one is actually true. 
Amnesia is a very common, temporary malady.
It is required that all trips to the grocery store involve the purchase of a large loaf of French / Italian Bread, and at least one head of lettuce / celery stalk.
Paper bags only, please.
The worst villains cannot be killed by fire, gunshot or explosion. They must be impaled by objects at least 3 inches thick and long enough to pass entirely through a body.
Even your pet (which is a yellow Lab) can outrun or outjump an explosion.
All presidents used to be fighter pilots.
All smoking hot women are in relationships with total douchebags who they know are total douchebags, but feel stuck with until someone comes along and tells them they aren’t.
You will always be able to take out the villain’s henchmen with one shot each, though you will shoot them a dozen times just to watch them twitch. But you will have to expend thousands of rounds in a futile effort to shoot the villain, and ultimately have to chase him up a tall building or tower before sending him plunging to an impalement death below.
Your supervisor hates you, is utterly incompetent, and is constantly putting obstacles in front of you to make you look bad and fail. But you won’t.
The sweet looking chick with the charming accent is a foreign princess with stern but loving royal parents.
That strangely can be cured by the same thing that caused it (a bump on the head).
But it doesn’t run out of bullets until the script calls for it.
…and never making a mistake or needing to find the backspace or delete key, because that would slow the plot.
Every evil computer virus made to crash America’s infrastructure has a convenient countdown displayed on whichever monitor the hero chooses to sit at.
Any weekend spent with old buddies will result in everyone blacking out and engaging in hijinks that you’ll only be able to remember by piecing together disparate pieces of evidence found in the course of sobering up. At least one of your friends will end up with a tattoo or married.
And many of them will end up gruesomely murdered.
Heh - a commercial came on a half an hour ago, and the woman put her paper bag with the celery sticking out the top on the counter. I said to my husband, “Where’s her baguette? Doesn’t she understand the rules?”
If you ever meet someone with an irresistible desire to explain his motives and actions to you to his own detriment, he’s a super-villain.
All policewomen are Milfs or better. The same thing goes for female criminals.
If you are in a shouting argument, people will always let you have your say before they speak.
The police lieutenant/commissioner is always with the public, and against the hard hitting detectives.
There are plenty of cops with gangsters for buddies.
All beautiful people have beautiful spouses.
There are no ugly people at all except for a few on Skid Row and in homeless shelters.