In April 1977, at the time of my first airplane ride, I was waiting in the boarding area for the departure time. I got impatient and decided to open the exit door and go out to find the plane, even though I set off an alarm in the process. A flight attendant in the waiting area, apparently accustomed to such gaffes committed by people unfamiliar with airport procedures, came outside and escorted me politely back into the boarding area, and explained I’d have to wait for the attendants to announce that the plane was there (I didn’t see one outside) and I would have to stay in the waiting area until the announcement. When I returned to the boarding area sixty other passengers were staring at me…I wanted to crawl into a hole!
I’d like to hear from other Straight Dopers on how they wound up red-faced!
Haven’t we had a most embarrasing moments thread? Oh well, I’ll share again.
When my son was still a toddler, he got into the Wal-Mart sack and opened a box of sanitary pads and exposed the adhesive strip on several of them. They were stuck all over our house. I even sat on one of them. When my wife asked me to remove it from my butt, I continued to joke with her about how I didn’t see anything there, etc. To make a long story short, we went to the dr’s office later that day, and a teenager came up behind me and said “sir, you have something stuck on your behind”. I laughed my ass off! I peeled the pad off, and threw it away. However, my wife was in absolute terror! She wouldn’t talk to me for two days! She still says that was the most embarassing thing that’s ever happened to her.
Enright3
I speak very little French, and that in a truly horrific accent. Once I was dining at a Very Nice French Restaurant in New York with friends and decided, for some reason, show show off my language skills.
I wanted to ask where the ladies’ room was, and got it into my head somehow that “abatoir” meant ladies’ room (it actually means “slaughterhouse”). So when the waiter came by, I said, in loud, ringing tones: “Garcon–ou est la abatoir?”
Picture it - the backyard at my girlfriend’s (now wife, so it has a happy ending) grandparent’s house on Easter. The easter egg hunt is over and we are involved in a heated wiffle ball game with all of the little kids. I am manning the outfield because I am fast and I figured it was the easiest way to avoid accidentally stepping on a kid. Someone hits a long fly ball over my head. I turn into Willie Mays, running as hard as I can to catch this ball and get the out. As it gets ever closer to my outstretched arms, the fact that their yard is lined by a split rail fence suddenly dawns on me. I look down, see the fence aboutt 10 feet away and put on the brakes as best as I can. Unfortunately, I could have used 15 feet, because I hit the fence and shatter both rails (which I must point out were rife with termites). My loving and supportive girlfriend proceeded to fall into a big ball on the pitcher’s mound because she was laughing so hard.
Well, shut my mouth. It’s also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling.
My most embarrassing moment…I started a job to make ends meet, right out of college…as a Chippendale dancer. My first time on stge-who walks in by my GF!
That was bad enough, but the teasing was worse!
I am a stay at home mom, but I work at a department store a couple of hours on the weekends in order to have some contact with grow-ups.
One day, I went to work with a really bad cold. My ears were all stuffed up, so I was having trouble hearing the pages from the ancient PA system. That night I apparently missed hearing the manager telling us we could all leave. I say apparently because I still contend that there was no such announcement made. There I was, working away, when all of a sudden I notice how quiet it has gotten. I figured that they were waiting for me by the front door so that we could all leave, so I ran to the lounge, punched out, and ran back upstairs. As I got closer to the front of the store, I heard a faint ringing. It didn’t register what it was until I pushed on the door to find it locked! There were alarms going off everywhere, because I had tripped the motion detectors. I called 911, and when the sheriff arrived, I pushed on the door to show him it was locked (did I mention that the alarm was LOUD). He shouts at me “Don’t you have a key?!?!” ARGH! They finally found the manager, and as she opens the door and turns off the alarm, she says to me “Where were you?” Where was I? Can you believe that?
I called in the next day.
This happened just a few weeks ago. My neighbor from across the street came over to talk to me about a car parked in front of my home. My dog, as she ALWAYS does, pushes her way through the door to see who’s there.
He and his daughter take a step back and I say, “Oh, don’t worry. She doesn’t bite. About the worst she’ll do is hump your leg.” Right after I say this I look down and cringe. You see, my neighbor lost one of his legs in an accident. That night he was wearing shorts and not wearing his prostheses. I just about died!
He laughed and said, “Well, she’ll have to hump the real one then!”
Best!
Byz
Warning really gross post ahead.
My sister was in college and probably dinking on a daily basis, she is also blonde which may have a lot to do with it. Anyway she starts having a slight odor coming from her vaginal area. She douches and bathes and still this bad odor. She goes for about a week until she can stand it no longer. She said she could sit in class and smell herself…yuck! Finally she goes to the gyno and he takes a look…she had forgotten to remove a tampon! She said the nurse was holding her nose as the docotor pulled it out.
She has bad luck with feminine products…once when she and her husband went out with another couple they cam back to her house to find that the dog had gotten into the garbage and found all her used pads. The dog had torn them up and strewn them all over the house! Lucky for her she finally had a hysterectomy
Lemmon2000 – well, shit howdy! Dinking on a daily basis? Are you okay with the fact that you are full of crap on a daily basis? Sorry honey, but your entire post sounds, no smells, no hit me all over as TOTAL CRAP. You are lying! Urban legend time! You are so full of crap that it almost hurts to read that you think anyone is going to buy into this!
I don’t know any woman, real life or made up in your head, that would insert a tampon and then “forget” about it. Nice try. Really! Very cute! Not original or anything but a nice, “let me try to slide this by” kinda thing. Unfortunately, you are full of shit. So is your story.
The dog getting into the trash and flinging pads or tampons around is true enough; dogs do that. The rest is total crap. I mean, IMHO.
Good god Byz, how did you miss this.
Quote,
“Lucky for her she finally had a hysterectomy”
When would a woman consider that lucky?
Lemmon2000,
Yeah, right…
Not getting into any details, but it sounds like you have the gynocological knowledge of a 10-12 year old.
Now if Lemmon’s friend had been a guy, and found the TV remote up his ass a week later, that I could see…
I was at a club, dancing away on the floor, when I finally realized that
1.My fly was open.
2.The color contrast between my black jeans and my white briefs was pretty amazing.
- The ultraviolet light in the place really makes white cloth glow.
I zipped and kept dancing. What the hell else could I do?
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
I have this amazing talent for saying the exactly wrong thing at exactly the right moment. Here’s a good example.
I was 18 and sharing a house with a much older and very much more conservative roommate. She was a lab technician at the hospital across the street. We were renting the house. The owner was on the board of directors of the hospital and kinda sorta threatened my roommate; he told her renting to two young single women was against his better judgment and that he would be “watching” us to be sure we behaved. So not only her home but her job was on the line.
As you might guess, this made her a tad nervous and she was constantly monitoring my behavior and mostly finding it objectionable.
I had a boyfriend on the other side of town; about half an hour’s drive away.
One late Friday night we had been out and he was driving me home . . . and he was not only very tired, but a bit the worse for alcohol. Not drunk or anything, but probably not the safest guy on the highway, either. I was worried about him getting pulled over or getting in an accident, so I said, “spend the night, don’t worry about it.” So I’m turning down the bed and my boyfriend is taking off his clothes . . . and all of a sudden there’s my roommate . . . furious . . . yelling “What’s going on here?”
And I said, “what does it look like, we’re getting ready to go to bed!”
We were out looking for apartments the very next day.
your humble TubaDiva
Ten years later, I’m with my new lover and this guy comes knocking on my front door with a gun . . . but that’s ANOTHER embarrassing story.
Seale… were they the ones with the little cows jumping over the moon? LOL
Hmmm so many embarassing moments to choose from… I was at a bar one night… and well, had way too much to drink. My friends watched me as I went into the men’s washroom, came out, walked back into the bar and went to dance… all while having my skirt tucked into the back of my pantyhose… Gotta love friends with a sense of humour!!
“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”
This happened to me about fourteen years ago at work.
I run a large high speed printing press.
The owner of the company had a party and tour of the plant for a large group on customers.
By the time the group reached the machine I operate they were feeling no pain.
I was very nervious about untrained people crowding around the machine while it was running.
In trying to answer questions about the machine I demonstrated the operation of the strobe light to view the printed web while running.
The cord got tangeled in the machinery and the light was smashed in front of the entire group.
I felt small enough to crawl under the machine without ducking.
Peace
t lion
Sue, put the crack pipe down now. I don’t have, nor have EVER had, and underwear with cows jumping over the moon on them.
They were my Aquaman UnderRoos.
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
Except for the fact that Lemmon is my aunt, and her sister is my other aunt. Both stories happened. And yes, she was lucky to have a hysterectomy, but those are stories we won’t go into.
But I can assure you that both stories actually happened. My aunt who “forgot” the tampon is a complete and utter airhead (and if you ask people in emergency rooms and GYN offices, you’ll find it happens more often than you think) and Lemmon may not type the way you like her to, but she’s not a liar.
Geez you guys need to lighten up! Yes, it happened. I can’t believe how vicious you guys become over a stupid story.
I forgot to mention this one:
http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/001838.html
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
Lemmon is right, even though her story sounds so far out. A friend got fitted w/ a diaphragm, so she’d be ready in case anything happened. Too bad she didn’t listen to the instructions about taking it out.
After a week or so (she couldn’t remember!) she started feeling poorly and had the discharge and odor problem. Another airhead, she blithely informed us, “you wouldn’t believe what was growing on it!”
It really, really does happen.
My most embarrassing moment is to awful to recount. I still cringe, years later. Let’s just say I clobbered a famous person. And it was even intentional, but a case of mistaken identity. See, I thought he was a masher and a pervert and recognized him too late.
I’m going to slink away now.
Veb