Oh no, you don’t get off THAT easily TV fess up…
Magnificent to behold - Greatly to be praised.
My most embarrassing moments could not be coaxed out of me with red hot pokers.
However…I’ve told the story on here before of my best friend, who took a dump at her NEW boyfriends parents house while there for dinner…plugged up and overflowed the toilet, and they didn’t even have a plunger. She had to tell them, and they had to go to the store and get a plunger. Would you just die or what???
Zette
PS- Byz, I think you owe Lemmon an apology. As crazy as it sounds, I can tell you with absolute certainty that what she described happens. You’ll have to trust me on that one.
I commute on the train to get into town, and one day I was pretty sleepy (very common on this train) and every so often I’d suddenly burst awake, and look around to see what stop I was at. Eventually I was one stop from where I got off. I nodded off again, then felt the train stop and the ‘door closing’ beep went. Argh!
So I jumped up, panicked, ran to the door, and got there just in time to a) get my head jammed in the door for a few seconds, and b) notice this wasn’t my stop after all, the train had only moved ten feet from when I had nodded off.
D’oh!!
-PIGEONMAN-
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Not a chance, Burn. But I will share one that proves cliches are based on real life.
I was at a super-fancy “do”, at a beautiful hotel in a city that will go unnamed. Let’s just say it was glitz to the max. For a self confessed hermit wannabe, I was having fun. The clothes were right for once, I was relaxed and actually enjoying myself.
So, time to retire to the restroom. Take care of necessary things, including admiring my rarely glamorous self, primp a little, admire the marble and ferns and happily sashay out into the party.
I was walking head up, relaxed, feeling it flow, confident, at ease and at home. Then I noticed a few sideways glances and quicky suppressed smiles. And then more.
And then I looked down and saw the toilet paper impaled by my high heel. But only after I sailed across the full marble and oriental rug expanse of the party.
Cliche, but true. My confidence didn’t leak away; it was more like the “Hindenburg” meeting the mooring tower. (“O, the humanity!”)
I went home immediately, washed my face, crawled into my oversize Tshirt and reflected on hubris over a pint of Cherry Garcia ice cream. To wit: 5’11" women who wear heels are just plain gilding the damn lily and those shoes hurt besides.
Okay. Enough angst? 
The other thing: no way, not gonna, in your dreams.
Still klutzy after all these years,
Veb
It can happen. A friend of mine had the same problem. She was on her period and left the tampon in when she had sex with her boyfriend and forgot to take it out. A while later, she started to get pretty ripe and was about to make an appointment with the doctor when it started to work it’s way out.
>^,^<
KITTEN
Please tell your pants it’s not polite to point.
I was having dinner at my boyfriend’s sister and brother-in-law’s home with his other sister and her boyfriend. Bear in mind that the relationship was still kinda new and I wasn’t that comfortable with his family at the time. They asked me why my AOL name is Dingle. I said, “Let’s just say, it’s a pet name and leave it at that.” and I wink at my SO. He then tells them that he calls me “his little Dingleberry”. They all burst into hysterics! They laughed like I’ve never seen people laugh before! All I could do was turn beet red and put my face in my hands and pray for it to end.
But I can tell all of you this and it doesn’t embarrass me! Go figure. BTW, I don’t know why he started calling me that, but luckily he’s shortened it to Dingle.
BTW, Lemmon made a slight typo. She meant “drinking,” not “dinking.” Mind you, I knew what she meant, but I can see how that may have gotten Byz confused. Even so, Diane’s friend’s story shows that women can “dink” often and still forget a tampon.
I wasn’t going to get into this, but lessee. She’d already had two kids, and didn’t want more. She got PMS-induced migraines, and had endometriosis so bad that she was incapacitated for a couple of days every month. If I were at that point, I’d be jumping for joy the minute they yanked out my plumbing, and as I recall, so was she.
Funny how people were telling Lemmon they had the gynecological knowledge of a pre-teen. Those people may want to reconsider exactly how much THEY know, eh?
she had the…
Gotta remember, there’s no such thing as too pissed off to proofread.
Picture if you will, a married couple getting
into some really good hot sex. In the living room, on the sofa, totally naked, with the man having some of honey’s special pie.
Now picture the front door opening, and the mans uncle walking in the door ( he lived there too ) Now picture the uncle not saying a word, but quickly turning around and going away for an hour.
I don’t know who was more embarassed, us or him.
That and my son sitting at the top of the steps leading to our apartment, when he was 3 shooting tampons out of their tubes
until he had emptied the whole box.
I was working on a summer job laying concrete. We were doing a driveway when one of the guys noticed that the mail contained a free sample of a new maxi pad. Being a smart ass kid, I stole one from a mailbox, and applied it to the sweatband of my cap. “That’ll keep the sweat out of my eyes,” I proudly announced. Fast forward a couple of hours to lunch time. We all file into a local Roy Rogers, and I take off my cap. The sweat filled pad hits the floor. Luckily for me all the other guys were real sensitive types and I didn’t hear anymore about it for the whole rest of the summer.
A hat with bells on is not funny, it is the jester underneath.
I can top that. It didn’t embarrass me, but I can use it to top that.
I’m leaving the bathroom last year. The people on my floor then used to give me a hard time for no apparent reason. But as I’m leaving the bathroom, one of them looks at me and says, “Daniel, you’re just making this too easy.”
I look behind me: a length of toilet paper is coming from the back of my pants. Like a toilet tissue tail. I have no idea how that happened, but it was funny as hell.
“I’m just too much for human existence – I should be animated.”
–Wayne Knight
Lemmon2000 – you are right. I was a lot more vicious than I should have been. But this is so unbelievable. Especially the part where she douches. A douche usually involves the insertion of a slender plastic tube. Wouldn’t that hit the tampon? A vagina just isn’t that big! Also, the water from the douche would swell the tampon up… I’m sorry for being overboard mean but I still don’t believe this. But as I said, it’s just IMHO. Again, sorry for being for even being mean in the first place; I could have just waked away rather than bashing you.
Gee, can we still be freinds?
Best!
Byz
You obviously don’t know my aunt! 
(Christ, I can’t believe I’m saying this.)
Scenario: A nervous 16-year-old boy is having dinner at his girlfriend’s house for the first time. He’s pretty much the hippy type…long hair, jeans, beads, etc. Her parents are the very, very conservative type.
I was helping my girlfriend into her seat at the table. You know, holding the chair for her. I made some mindless, little joke. She responded with a playful punch to my stomach.
I broke wind. Yep. Right in front of her and Mr. and Mrs. Uppercrust.
She laughed. Her parents ignored it. I think I completely disassociated because I can’t remember much after that.
I don’t think she ever told anyone. At least nobody ever razzed me about it.
Thank you, Linda Kirkpatrick, for not revealing my posterior faux pas to the other high school kids.
I was at my parents house when some close family friends came by to announce that their daughter was soon to be wed. I stood up, shook their hands and said “Great! When’s the baby due?”. Turns out it was due in about 6 months.
Gotta learn to keep my mouth shut.
The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs. – E. Grebenik
Why don’t I just subtitle this “What I Did in High School?”
Let’s see – throwing my arms out to indicate extreme width while telling a story, and making a very loud SMACK when I hit one classmate in the ass?
How about tripping on my own feet, falling down a flight of stairs and taking another classmate (who I had been carrying a secret crush on for two years) down with me?
Or perhaps the time I chose to use the word “boob” in reference to a well-endowed girl at the exact instant total quiet had settled on the classroom?
Yeah, I was REAL popular with the girls back then.
No problem BYZ. I couldn’t stay mad at you. I would be afraid you might pick me up twirl me around and throw me out of here!
I have never made a faux pas in my life. Every time I have done something which witless observers may regard as such, it is due to their own bloody-mindedness. So there. aura of grim self-confidence
Oh, fine. The time that I was caught jacking off in my hotel room on a school ski trip in Grade Eight. Oyyyyyyyyy…
Matt: It could have been worse. A guy in my high school band class (Yes, I was a band geek) got caught jerking off at band camp. The first day back in class, a bunch of the students gave him economy sized jars of Vasaline.
OYYYYYYYYY, indeed.
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.