This happened in 1974, when I was 25 and working with a carpenter–an Old World German. We were putting windows in bathrooms in a condo complex in Hermosa Beach, CA. We accidentally went into the wrong unit one morning! Kurt did, anyway. And there was a woman in bed in the bedroom! (We had to go through the bedrooms to reach the bathrooms.) Kurt swore me to silence about it–at least not to tell his wife. He did that himself!
We were talking about it later and he said the person whose bedroom we were supposed to go into was from Australia.
I said, “Well, we might have been able to tell by her accent.”
Kurt shot back, “Oh yeah. ‘Say something–I vant to know if you’re from Australia.’”
“If you drive an automobile, please drive carefully–because I walk in my sleep.”–Victor Borge
I almost said something really, really embarassing. Good, no, GREAT thing, my mom was being extremely impatient.
Dancing class had just ended and I was still at the studio. A new girl’s mom was in the waiting room and I almost went up to her and asked her, “When is it due?” Good thing right before I did my mom yelled at me to get in the car NOW! She wasn’t pregnant! I get embarassed just thinking about what might have happened.
I didn’t remember this until a conversation I had today reminded me of it…guess I blocked it out.
This happened when I was about eye-level with my father’s stomach. We were at a big event–like a carnival of sorts. I got separated from my family, and started to freak out. Suddenly, I turned and saw my father right in front of me, so I gave him a big hug and said, “Hi, Daddy!” I looked up to find I was hugging a strange man’s belly, and my family was standing behind me and laughing at me…
This one didn’t happen to me, but i felt like sharing something.
A friend of mine worked at this computer place in the back room, doing all the techie geek stuff.
One day he was working on something and his mind was really preoccupied in it. He gets up to go get a book and as he turns around he reaches behind him to push in his office chair.
He pushes, nothing happens. He pushes again. Nothing happens. He gives it a hard shove thinging it’s stuck on something and nothing happens. He turns to look at the chair and his hand is planted firmly on his boss’s ass.
He looks at his boss and his boss is just standing there looking at him, quite perplexed and unsure what to even say.
My friend looks at him, bright red, and says “Sorry gor violating you” and then slinks away.
A girl I worked with did this; it wouldn’t have been embarrassing since it occurred when she was by herself, but she made the mistake of telling it to me.
She was on call one night, so she borrowed her husband’s pager and gave that number to our charge nurse so she wouldn’t have to sit by the phone in case she got called in. After a few hours, she decided to page her husband at work, as was her habit, so he could call her back for a nice chat. (She had totally forgotten that her husband’s pager was sitting on her kitchen counter.) A few minutes later, the pager beeped and Melissa thought to herself with dismay, “Oh, shit! They’re calling me in to work!”
She picked up the pager and looked at the number on the display; it was, of course, her own home phone number. She was confused, then scared. The page was coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!
Not my embarassing moment (I block them out):
A co-worker who did not work on Fridays missed the directive for every one to turn their keyboards over to prevent dust from getting in to them because work was being done on the ceiling over the weekend. When she came in on Monday, she went straight to the manager to complain that SOMEONE HAD STOLEN/REMOVED ALL THE KEYS FROM HER KEYBOARD.
Once after a long day of shopping, I felt the urge to…um…go #2. But since we were leaving, and a mere 10 minutes away, I decided to wait until I got home. (I had a hang-up about using a public restroom to do this sort of thing.) In any event, my cousin’s car BREAKS DOWN on the way home. AAAAAH! I tried desperately to hold it, but a half mile into the walk to the nearest gas station, I had to sprint to the woods and relieve myself. Did I mention it was the dead of winter and no leaves were on the trees? It didn’t help that my dear cousin was laughing hysterically and pointing, so everyone that passed got a view of me shitting in the woods. Let me just say that it cured me of my shyness of using public restrooms.
I was camping with a boyfriend and his family (whom I had just met on this trip). Everything was going great until I had the urge to really let one rip. Being the lady that I am, I went into his trailer and cut loose. This particular fart was King of the Bufords! Window-shaking! Sonic Boom! And then to top it off, I said in a proud voice “Yeeeeee Haaaaaaa!”
Unfortunately, I didn’t notice until it was too late that his mother was taking a nap on one bed and his sister and her hubby were laying on another (I still don’t know why they were using the boyfriend’s trailer instead of their own.)
I was so humiliated, but to top if off, the boyfriend walks in a few seconds later and says, “Peeeee Yooooo! Who farted!?!?!”
I could have died.
Just today I had an embarrassing moment (although it was more comical than embarrassing). I decided that I better take a pee break before I head to my kick-boxing class. As I am sitting on the toilet, I spread my legs and spit my gum into the toilet - or so I think.
A short time later I am stripping in the locker room and about rip the hair from my crotch. I look down and there is a string of gum stretched out from my crotch to my panties that are at my ankles.
The guys in the class never did figure out what us women were laughing about during the entire workout.
>^,^<
KITTEN
Please tell your pants it’s not polite to point.
Hey, Diane–you should write to Jan Harold Brunvand (keeper of Urban Legends) and tell him YOU committed the “Fart in the Dark”! (You’ll find it in his books.)
“If you drive an automobile, please drive carefully–because I walk in my sleep.”–Victor Borge
Dougie - Oh yeah, I have read all of his books, in fact, he is right here in Utah so it shouldn’t be too difficult to contact him.
Anyhow. . . .
I can assure you that it in fact happened to me. No FOAF, but M-E, ME. I wish it hadn’t, but yep, unfortunately it did. Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.
They never let me forget it either.
>^,^<
KITTEN
Please tell your pants it’s not polite to point.
Another similar story that sounds like an UL but I swear is true:
I was at a gas station with a boyfriend. He was pumping gas so I thought it was a good time to sneak one out (no, I really am not a fart sack, I just get busted the few times I do it).
I sneak one out thinking that he has to pump gas, walk into the station, pay, and then walk back to the car. I thought I had a lot of time.
So, I sneak one out and I hate to say it, but it was pretty raunchy. Just as I am gagging, I notice that he walks around and gets into the driver seat, he left the wallet inside the car and came to get it while the gas was pumping.
He gets the most God-awful look on his face, then grins, and says “Good one, baby!”
>^,^<
KITTEN
Please tell your pants it’s not polite to point.
Okay, so if the topic is flatulence: I was working in an office tower, on the 14th floor. One day I was feeling fairly gassy all afternoon but holding it pretty well. Five comes around and I go and hit the call button for the elevator. The bell goes ‘ding’ and I walk in.
The next part happened really quickly: first, the elevator was empty so I let one rip. A heroic effort - we’re talking the classic visible fart. I hit the ‘Ground’ button and suddenly realized that the elevator was probably going to stop at two/three other floors on the way down. I’d be standing in the middle of this foul brown cloud with no excuse. So, I jumped out and let the thing head for ground on its own.
I’ve always wondered how the other people who got on reacted.
Several months ago, I waited in my car while she came out to get in the other car, to go somewhere; I’d pull out long enough for her to leave. This time, however, she couldn’t find her car keys and had to cancel her appointment! (At a hairdresser’s.)
So she called the Auto Club. The guy who came out couldn’t unlock the car and said we should call a locksmith. I did, and he came out, and we got new keys made; but he billed her, about $70, which the Auto Club paid.
A few weeks later she found the original set of keys, in a pair of slacks she forgot she’d changed out of!
Embarrassing? You bet!! :o :o
What’s even worse than forgetting you have a tampon in is forgetting you have a tampon in and INSERTING ANOTHER ONE… (didn’t happen to ME, but…)
My most recent embarassing moment, soon to get a lot worse:
My boyfriend and I were talking about our families. He has an uncle who is gay. The coversation:
BF: “yes, well, Danny wasn’t married, he never really had a chance to.”
Me: “Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you can’t get married!”
BF: “No, but because you’re DEAD does!”
The bad part is that he has sworn to tell his ENTIRE family (I have not met many of them yet)
The other day, I had to fly home to Minnesota from San Antonio. I was trying to account for the fact that it was cold in Minnesota, so I wore tights under my pants. Not a good idea.
I was in line to check in for my flight, struggling with two suitcases, my backpack, coat, and tote bag. My pants were slowly falling down my butt. On top of that, the tights were doing a slow roll down my butt, and every time I bent over or moved, my pants fell. Suffice it to say, I’m glad I will never see most of those people again. (Thank God I was also wearing a long top that covered most of my butt.)
Several years ago, I flew to Salt Lake City to meet an online ‘friend.’ Our plan was to start in Salt Lake and drive to Las Vegas and then head back to Salt Lake.
We took our time, and really got to know each other and were having a great time. The night before we were leaving the Circus Circus RV park, we ate at the Excalibur. I had the Philly Cheese. It wasn’t bad.
The next morning I felt sick. The cheese had gotten stuck at the bottom of my stomach, and I couldn’t get anything past. I was having a fever and was in a lot of pain. She was rubbing my stomach to try to break it up. It didn’t work.
We had to get on the road, so she started getting the RV ready to go, which included flushing the septic tank. She hooked up the hose and turned the lever. The clamp broke and there was piss, shit and toilet paper all over the parking lot. I, who wasn’t feeling well anyway, was downwind when it happened. I was already sick, but the smell was just enough to send me over. I rushed over to the little corner where the 8ft brick wall was, so to keep the whole lot from seeing me. While I’m puking, she is hosing the lot down, laughing, apologizing and asking if I’m okay. I’m puking, waving my hand at her to let her know things are alright, and somewhat laughing at the scene that was playing in my mind.
The good news was that it unplugged me and I was good from then on. The bad news was that my colon was not as ‘pure’ as it usually is. The dog didn’t enjoy it, and we both had water in our eyes.
I wasn’t really embarassed, but I definately will remember that day.
This happened to my Mom when I was about 10. We drove by the church and saw some hooligans riding their bikes on the walkway in front of the entrance. Mom, being the President of the Sunday School teachers, was incensed and pulled into a parking spot right in front of them. She throws the car into Park (she thought) and promptly gives the little heathens a peice of her mind. Her duty done, she looks over her shoulder to back up, and goes roaring FORWARD, almost hitting the kids. She slams on the brakes, puts the car in reverse, and sails off. I wanted to laugh so badly, but was afraid God would strike me dead.
Get over here so I can grab your ass too! 