A few years ago my mother and I are at Great Adventure in Jackson NJ. We are walking through the place and I have to use the bathroom. So I walk into the mens room, and my mother not realzing where I am going, follws in right after me
I have a habit of locking my keys in jy car so I have a spare set made up that is plastic and I keep it in my wallet. I locked both my wallet and keys in the car and had to call AAA to get me in
I was a Seinor in High School and was friends with this woman lets call her Nancy because thats her name. We are at my mother friends house for Christmas Dinner and after dinner are playing scattagories. Our catagory is Crimes that begin with an S. I wrote down sodomy then decide to cross it out. After the round she asks the entire table What is sodomy and explains I had it down as an answer.
I was putting gasoline in my car at a Union76 gas station. For those of you who don’t know, Union76 have bright orange styrofoam balls for your car antenna. People steal them from my car all of the time (they are free or at the most $1). Well I had just lost another one so I went to the attendant window and asked “do you have balls”. The guy just about died laughing. To top it off there were a couple of guys getting gas as well as the then BF that heard me. They all were dying laughing. The positive note is that he gave me two.
In 1979, I was driving a Volkswagen Squareback, with an automatic transmission, which gave up the ghost around the end of the year. Specifically, it got harder and harder for the car to start moving forward after a stop. (Because of gas lines at this time I was going through the gas line backwards all the way up to the pump. :o)
This happened in late summer, in Hermosa Beach, CA. I was pulling out of a parking lot, with my brother and a cousin in the car, waiting for a break in traffic so I could pull out onto the street. I also had to wait for pedestrians. One was a woman in her late 30s, obviously mature but still quite shapely. She was wearing shorts and a dark-blue sweatshirt with “G.I.B.” in big letters across the front (over her bosom, of course).
I asked her what the letters stood for and she answered. I stupidly missed her answer, but a moment later my cousin–in the back seat–said she said they meant “Good in bed.”
Just as he said that the car–I’d been accelerating–moved forward with a sharp jolt. I figured she took that as my reaction to her answer! (I hadn’t said anything to her about the car. What must she have thought about me? :o)
Like Holly’s post, this one did not happen to me…the buddy it happened to should never told me.
They say sharp knives are safer. You decide.
My friend lives alone (divorced). Hot, muggy summer day. He’s been at work all day. Air conditioner is off. House is miserable. He gets home, cranks up the AC, undresses to put on a pair of shorts. Remembering the breakfast dishes, he thinks, “I’ll wash 'em nekkid so it won’t be so hot. By the time I’m finished, the AC will be catching up.”
“Steve” runs a sink full of hot, soapy water. He has this humongous butcher knife that he keeps razor sharp. Soapy hands, slick knife handle, exposed private part…
He said when the knife slipped from his fingers he stared straight ahead for a moment…then looked down and said, “Oh fuck!”
Another friend is a Nurse Practioner. Had to put 7 stitches in his Talleywhacker. I still ask him if the ladies like the feel of the scar tissue.
Oh, with the stiches he could not afford to be aroused. So I made it a point to find pictures of nekkid women to show him.
I know that this is a bit belated but, for all the disbelivers out there…It DOES happen. women can do the darndest things with those uterine chew toys. I personally know two girls who have forgoten tampons up inside them…and forgot them for upwards of two weeks. Now…it helps to mention that they are complete MORONS, but i just wanted to explain how this can happen. Drugs (substitute total lack of awareness here should drugs not be involved)+ lowered number of nerve endings in vagina+ extremely elastic vaginal walls and before you know it, you’ve got a bacterial carnival down there. Its disgusting, and i have never done it myself…but it is, unfortunately a very VERY common occurence. Anyone who has lived in the LA area has born witness to numerous types of stupidty and general lack of cohesive logic, making one capable of understanding how women can be this blank about their bodies functions.
… the assistant manager of a well-known paint company in Panama City, Florida in the early 80’s, and although this affected me only indirectly, I think it does qualify. Here’s what happened:
The store got new telephones, the kind that had the capability of becoming “speaker phones” just by pushing a button. On the first day we had them, I took a call for the manager from our district manager and left the phone in our office “live” by mistake.
As the manager passed by our office, I informed him that he had a call from the DM, and he (thinking the guy was just on “hold”) walked into our office saying “What does that cocksucker want now?”
They had a very long talk that I was not privy to, and my manager tried his BEST to hang the blame on me, to no avail.
These are pretty mild, but I figured I should share. One of my part-time jobs is performing weddings in Japan, and both of these happened on the job.
During a rehearsal, I mixed up the word shinri, meaning truth, with shiri, which means buttocks. I’ve since considered doing it intentionally just to make sure the couple is listening.
This one is straight out of The Naked Gun. While the singers were doing their rehearsal before the couple and guests arrived, I decided to hit the men’s room. While relieving myself, I decided to take advantage of the acoustics and practice my speech, plus an impromptu limerick or two. When I came back into the chapel, the singers were all staring at me. Finally, one of them asked, “Sensei, what were you doing?”
