You forgot the digging in of the claws into the bare skin part.
I’ve spent what seems like 137 hours on the phone to Virgin Mobile today. Yes, my address is still what it was ten minutes ago, as is my phone number, bank account details, and the phone I wish to order. Doesn’t help when the obviously not English call centre staff seem incapable of finding out why I’ve just been called, and putting me through to the right people. I’m sure it’s pure coincidence that the person with the actual English accent was the only person able to help me…
Fuck, this new phone better be good.
I hate ragweed season. Eyes burning all day no matter how many times I use my drops. Hard to get up in the morning. Drowsy at work. Can’t be outside for longer than half an hour without paying for it later. I hate ragweed season.
You know, my cat has only farted once - when I was holding her upside down and shaking her around. Maybe I’m feeding them the wrong food. 
My husband’s male cat will mutter, mumble, and grumble in his sleep. He fights the nightmares when he’s asleep. He’ll fart whether he’s awake or asleep.
Just out of curiosity, why were you doing this?
I accidently bought minced Wellness catfood instead of the pate. In my defense, they have changed the labels and I was at lunch and in a hurry. Every single cat in the house licked the gravy off their dinner and left the chunks.
Most of my cats have most of their teeth, there is no reason that they are too precious to eat the meat chunks, they do just fine when they are snarfing down kibble or dried chicken treats.
At least I kept the receipt. This will make it easier on the clerk at the food and grain store when I return the unused cans tomorrow.
Idiot, picky, precious cats. Stupid me for not paying attention to the cans.
My previous cat did that, which is why I switched to the “loaf” or “pate” style of canned food, and that’s what my current cat gets, too (she seems to be fine with that).
I feel your pain Flatlined. For some reason, all the supermarkets here are out of the kangaroo mince that Keyser Soze has for his dinner every night. I have had to buy a different, gourmet cat mince which will hit his bowl tonight. Will he like it? Nooooo… Will it be my fault? Yes!
Darling man’o’mine, I know you shower everyday at home, while I shower daily at the gym. But when I get in the shower on the weekend, I am pretty quickly standing in 4" of water. Do you not notice this?? Could you bend down and clear the hair from the hair catcher in the drain. Thanks, smooch.
Add a tablespoon of warm water and mush it with a fork. Instant gloopy kind of loafy food.
I just did the litterbox scooping thing and looked in Steve’s cage. Steve, the feral housecat, who used to eat garbage and roadkill (I once saw him sniffing at a flat skunk), has left the meat. ARRRGGGHHHH!!!
OH NOOOSSSS!!! Why didn’t you drive to a different city or state to get your Master the proper food? Of course it will be your fault, stupid slave!!!
Now tells my guilty little secret…I have a baby food grinder. I use it to grind up minced Fancy Feast for the sick ones. Have I just crossed into Crazy Cat Lady terrority?
Three times now we’ve given our cat or kittens minced food. Three times they barely got away from the bowl after scarfing it down before it came right back up. I pay ve-e-e-r-r-ry close attention to the labels now. At least only one of those times was on the carpet.
I read this as “kangaroo MICE” and was wondering if Keyser Soze was a snake or something. I was also envisioning a mouse that jumps really high, and the snake trying to catch it on the way back down.
Time to adjust my medication again…
One of Princess Allie’s virtues is that she’s only urped up twice in the ten months she’s been here. Most cats do that a LOT more than that.
I think the more important question is, why aren’t you?
No, seriously, I was just playing with her - picking her up and kind of manhandling her in the way cats love so much, when toot! Okay, note to self, don’t pick cats up and bounce them around upside down!
Our cats don’t fart, but boy, do they barf! We let them go out at will in the catproofed back yard, and they love to eat grass and come back in and barf it up (the “coming back in” part is apparently very important to them).
Dear Husband,
Sometimes quick, “oh shit, I forgot, I’m sorry…” really is all it takes.
Not much love,
Your wife who was woken up at 3 am by your alarm, when you were already out of bed and in the other room.
PS - finding out that now you’ve decided to fly instead of drive, and so didn’t need to be up at that ungodly hour anyway isn’t helping.
My husband is absolutely desperate for a grandchild. I’m afraid that one of these days, he’s gonna be featured on the evening news because he’s swiped someone’s baby. At any rate, twice now he’s been so overcome by the desire for a grandchild that he’s picked up the smallest, youngest cat in the house, and gone “PPPPhhhppphhbbbbt” on her tummy. This is with two different cats.
Apparently, cats do not view raspberry kisses on the tummy as a sign of affection. The cat freaks out and deploys claws.
I have more of a tendency to scoop up cats and beep their noses. Sometimes I just can’t help myself.
I do this to my cat all the time, and he long-sufferingly endures it. No claws in the face. But I would never do it to a strange cat!
I’m totally cracking up here.
When Fred was a young cat, I used to hook his back legs over my arm and carry him dangling upside down. He seemed to like it, he purred and waved his front paws around.
Now that Fred is an old cat, I don’t do that anymore. I still tickle his feets while he’s sleeping, though.
If you have been affectionate and attentive enough and the cat trusts you enough, they totally do. When my cats would show their bellies to me (a sign of trust), I would occasionally get down, carefully hold their back claws so that they couldn’t tear my face off, and raspberry them. With my beloved Little Guy, I would make like I was eating his belly, making eating sounds and chewing lightly on his stomach hair and nuzzling his stomach, then get up smacking my lips. He would get up from that with his tongue sticking out (a show of pure joy from him). Of course, I would occasionally do that with the back of his head and around his ears while holding him too.