I’ve enjoyed the recent threads about funny The Simpsons dialogue, but let’s not forget an important part of the show’s humor is never spoken: it’s the street signs, shop names and book and magazine titles we glimpse in the background in every show. What are some of our favorites?
Seen in a bookstore: Bork On Sex.
Restaurant: “The Texas Cheesecake Depository.”
Gun store: “Bloodbath and Beyond.”
Cans of food: “Corn Nog,” “Creamed Eels” and “Wadded Beef.”
I’m paraphrasing, but one of the Convention center signs was:
Candy Convention: Room 11
Candy-shaped Rat poison Convention: Room 1!
Stoner’s Pot Palace
Otto was so bummed about that one.
PAINLESS DENTISTRY (formerly PAINFUL DENTISTRY)
[seen on the church sign following the hurricane] GOD WELCOMES HIS VICTIMS
Springfield Hall of Records
[sup]Not the Good Kind of Records, Historical Ones[/sup]
Pay’nPark’nPay
You Must Be at Least This Swarthy to Enter [the Nude-E-Mart]
“I’ll Die Before I Surrender, Tim”
Sign at a park in Springfield:
"7:00 PM - Medfly Spraying
7:15 PM - Springfield Pops in the Park
7:30 PM - Medfly Spraying - second pass"
Sign at Try 'N Save:
“In honour of the birth of our saviour, Try 'N Save will be open on Christmas day.”
Sign at Fort Springfield:
“Proud home of civilian mail opening project.”
Sign at the Springfield Retirement Home:
“Please don’t discuss the outside world with the residents.”
Label on 55 gallon drum that Lunchlady Doris is emptying:
“Horse Testicles.” Says she, “More testicles means more iron.”
Heh, I created this same thread two months ago.
MASTER KNOWS ALL, EXCEPT COMBINATION TO SAFE
Sneed’s Feed ‘n’ Seed (Formerly Chuck’s)
Didn’t the sign on Springfield U read ‘If you can read this you’re accepted’?
On the sign outside church: “No shirts, no shoes, no salvation”
Marge’s hair salon: Turn Your Head and Coif
Lionel’s Hutz’s office: I Can’t Believe It’s a Law Firm!
Captain McAllister’s shop: Sea Cap’n’s Bait ‘n’ Baro’n B’n (“C’mon 'n, we’re op’n”)
You can vist Ye Olde Off Ramp Inn (“Now rat free!”) or stay at Worst Western (“Ask about our sheet rentals.”).
Springfield Cemetary
Come for the funerals
Stay for the pie!
Springfield Millionaires Club
You must have at least this much money to join:
$1,000,000
DON’T EAT BEEF. (Stern looking doctor)
EAT DEER. (Same doctor eating a meat meal, deer head trophy on wall)
The map outside area 51A: You are here. We are not.
Grade F meat: mostly circus animals, some filler
Marge bypasses the latest issue of Sponge Monthly to check out the death sports section of the magazine store. It includes Glass Eater and Bear Baiter.
Homer has been seen reading Blue Pants Monthly and Hot Lotto Picks.
The hospital sign- Quality care or the autopsy is free.
Morningwood Penitentiary
Mosquito Zone (ala Banana Republic) “That’s were explorers shop!”
And also, at the Health Fair: What’s your sex? (stationed by Dr. Nick)
Their version of IKEA – “SHØP”.
We’ll just omit the nitpick that there is no Ø in Swedish, rather ö. Maybe if IKEA were Norweigan or Danish …
Wasn’t there a restaurant somewhere where the restroom doors were labeled “Gulps” and “Blows”? snicker
I don’t quite know why, but the ice cream shop being named Phinneas Q. Butterfat always cracks me up.
Rock Bottom’s list of corrections:
“Peoples’ Choice Award” is America’s greatest honor
Styrofoam is not made from kittens
The U.F.O. was a paper plate
The nerds on the internet are not geeks
The word “cheese” is not funny in and of itself
The older Flanders boy is Todd, not Rod
Lyndon Johnson did not provide the voice of Yosemite Sam
If you are reading this you have no life
Roy Rogers was not buried inside his horse
The other U.F.O. was an upside down salad spinner
Our universities are not “hotbeds” of anything
Mr. Dershowitz did not literally have four eyes
Our viewers are not pathetic, sexless food tubes
Audrey Hepburn never weighed 400 pounds
The “Cheers” gang is not a real gang
Salt water does not chase the “thirsties” away
Licking an electrical outlet does not turn you into a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger
Cats do not eventually turn into dogs
Bullets do not bounce off of fat boys
Recycling does not deplete the ozone
Everything is 10% fruit juice
The flesh eating virus does not hide in ice cream
Janet Reno is evil
V8 juice is not 1/8 gasoline
Ted Koppel is a robot
Women aren’t from Venus and men aren’t from Mars
Fleiss does floss
Quayle is familiar with common bathroom procedures
Bart is bad to the bone
Godfry Jones’ wife is cheating on him
The Beatles haven’t reunited to enter kick boxing competitions
The “Bug” on your TV screen can see into your home
Everyone on TV is better than you
The people who are writing this have no life