What’s the worst that could happen if you don’t contribute? She doesn’t talk to you again? Sounds as though that might not be such a bad outcome.
As always with families, the issue isn’t just the moocher choosing not to speak to the OP. It’s the subsequent shit-stirring and side-taking that reverberates through the extended family structure. Lots of moochers count on people being unwilling to be the trigger for the ensuing stirring and so choosing to accede to the moocher’s demand. It’s a form of emotional extortion.
Once recognized for what it is it can be roundly and publicly criticized for what it is. Until then it’s just a dreadful consequence that’s somehow the mooch-denier’s fault, not the moocher’s fault.
‘I can’t at this time, sorry.’ repeat as required.
If pressed, ‘I cannot say more without breaking a confidence. I’m sure you can understand that.’ Repeat as required.
Just stick to it.
In the immortal words of Rocky the Flying Squirrel, “That trick never works.”
Seriously, I agree with the multiple posts suggesting that you say no without any further explanation.
Is there any update on how this all has been going?
I see your point.
Dont give a reason, just say no- politely. or
“I don’t want to embarrass you, so I’m telling you this with no names attached so you’ll know I won’t tell anyone about this conversation you and I are having now, but lots of people, some of whom you know quite well, have asked me to contribute money to some cause of theirs, and I couldn’t give all of them, or any of them, the money they were asking me to give, so I’m going to have to tell you what I told all of them: your cause is a fine one, but so is everyone else’s, and I’m going to give to causes that I want to support, myself, and not to everyone else’s favorite causes, ok? Sorry.”
Well, the collection site thingy has been up for a couple of weeks. (I’d link to it, but it includes pics and names and way too much identifying info.)
But it’s certainly not wildly successful so far: Just 5 donors! More striking is that three of the five are ‘anonymous’ small donations, $10, $10, and $20 but the very first donor pledged the $150 she’d asked for. I wonder if that one is from her mother trying to get the drive kicked off ‘right’? The only ‘named’ donor (just initials, which don’t actually match with any of our relatives I can think of) also gave $20. So $210, very far from goal.
Of course, maybe a lot of people are taking the ‘Christmas present’ aspect seriously and are holding out to late December, who knows?
I’ve given nothing, and still haven’t made any comments about it to the couple. OTOH, I’ve had various talks with more than a handful from the older generations of the family, and I’d say that they at least agree solidly about a new baby being a terrible idea and they’re not intending to help with it.
“Look!! Over there !! A puppy!! OP scampers off