Hell I share a lot of Shag’s theories too. I haven’t gotten laid in nine months, and before that, for a couple of years, my ex wanted little to no sex. Hell I’m still not wanting to go out to the bar scene just to pick up some long blond animal.
False, and not a little insulting.
My brother is 34; he’d love to finally, finally, finally get a gf/SO/LTR/married, but at this point, he pretty much assumes he’s “too old” - any woman who wants to get him in bed and who he hasn’t approached himself (which may be for reasons such as “not knowing her current availability status”) will pretty much have to ask as straightforwardly as he would: “would you like to go to the movies or something? as a couple I mean, not as buddies” is about as obscure as she can be.
As opposed to “I sleep better after a nice hot prostaglandin injection, care to assist me?”
Yeah I have dated a couple nurses…why do you ask?
I’m telling mom
Maybe he’s attracted to something that she doesn’t fulfill. The guy could be a chubby chaser, or secretly gay, or asexual, or prefer brunettes… whatever. Even if she doesn’t meet his particular standards of fuckability (which we don’t even know to be the case) doesn’t mean she is traditionally hideous. Just not his type.
Or, you know, he could be into someone else he’s hoping will finally realize that he’s interested in her…
There are times when a male would have sex with any willing female. Namely puberty, extreme inebriation, or six month dry spells. Most of the time, not so.
False.
False.
In some cases, it’s just not worth it.
Men, like women, have a “psycho radar.” Some women set it off.
Yeah fuck standards. Ya’ know what “standards” will get ya’?
A WHOLE LOT OF JACK’N OFF!!
(Tongue planted firmly in cheek)
False. In fact, I’ve turned it down from more women than I’ve had it with, and I’m not conservative by any means. Among them were drug addicts, women wanting a relationship while I didn’t, and some looking for a baby’s daddy. No thank you.
I’m a straight guy, and I’m pretty sure there are situations that in which I’d turn down sex that was directly offered to me. I’m a shy guy and I don’t read cues very well (it seems). I’ve had exactly two sexual partners (I’m 32) and in both cases, despite the women involved being pretty comfortable with their own sexuality, they didn’t come right out and say that they wanted to fuck me, we had to get there in a roundabout manner.
So I haven’t been put in a situation where a woman has straight up told me she wants to have sex with me from the get go. There were hints and allusions for a while and I finally had to say it myself.
Because of this I can’t say from past experience what I would do in the situation described in the OP, but I can say that I can imagine a plethora of scenarios where I would turn down sex when asked directly by a woman (there are also a plethora of scenarios in which I imagine I would accept). I might not like the person, I might not find them attractive, I might not be ready for sex, I might be surprised by the offer and not respond well despite being interested, the list goes on and on.
The card made me laugh. I think I’ll write a card to my boyfriend every night I want to have sex.
"Dear Mr Boyfriend,
I would like to jump your bones tonight. Let me know when/if this would be convenient for you. Please feel free to contact me with any questions. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
HazelNut.
Enclosed: References"
OK, but if you attach a condom, make sure its stapled only from the ruffled edge of the packaging. 
“Looking forward to your input.”
No. Not every woman.
There is an old saying, women behind a bar, or on a stage, look 50% better than they actually are. Beer goggles add another 50%. Her answer is to serve the dude a 6 pack, and learn to sing.
This. It also requires self-awareness, maturity, and healthy self-esteem.
This thread has brought up a very confusing situation that I’m experiencing right now, and sorry for the hijack (but I do think it’s on-topic, actually). Perhaps you all can help me sort this out. Warning: this is probably gonna go long.
About a year and a half ago, I started hanging out with this Kung Fu instructor; I’ll call him Kungfusion. We hit it off immediately and became very close friends quickly. He plays harp (among other things) and was performing one night and invited me. When I got there, I realized there was a woman in his life already (who he later said “was just a booty call”). I made one last ill-advised attempt to let him know I was interested in more than friendship and was rebuffed. I left him alone but because we are in the same social circle, was very friendly and pleasant to him whenever I bumped into him.
Flash forward about six months and he texted me one day about getting together. Honestly, he seemed so not into me previously, that I thought he’d messaged me by mistake and had intended for the text to go to someone else. He called me silly when I clarified, “This was meant for me?” Right, so then we started up again, hanging out, only this time, spent a lot more time together. For about 3 months or so, we were together whenever both of us were off. There were a lot of full-body mostly nekkid candlelit massages (with Sade playing in the background), there was a really awesome foot massage that went on for the duration of Clash of the Titans (3D foot massage!), and other physical closeness like couch cuddling, that said to me “Oh, well maybe he is into me after all.”
One night, after a particularly sexy massage, I tried to kiss him. I didn’t jump on him and stick my tongue down his throat, just a light, innocent closed-mouth kiss, but on the lips. He sort of kissed back but I think was very surprised. I asked for another at the end of the night as he was leaving. He complied, but I could tell from his body language that he didn’t really want to. He gave me a quick peck on the lips, like you’d kiss your mom. Next day, I get this long FB message about how we’ll always be friends, but he is not into me in that way, and was very sure that he would never be.
Okay. So I did the thing above, where I needed a couple weeks to remember that not all men want to fuck anything that’s offered to them (and this guy is not the hit it and quit it type at all). I managed to keep my self-esteem intact and continued the friendship, observing and respecting the boundaries as he put them out there. But we spent less and less time together and pretty soon, he was “too busy” to see me and basically, I hadn’t seen him or spoken to him for about six months.
Last December, he heard about a breast biopsy that I had done (all clear!) and told me that he was having surgery in January to remove a brain tumor. 
Oh dear. So we scrambled to try to get together and hang out at least one time before his surgery, but life happened and we never managed to do it.
Aside: During this six-month period when we weren’t really seeing each other much, I started taking pole dancing classes, melted off about 12 pounds of fat, and got ripped. He is very much into fitness and exercise and taking care of yourself and your health. I was pretty much a couch potato prior to that – not overweight, but soft and mushy and no self-discipline (which is probably really important to a Kung Fu sifu). I have whipped myself into shape since then.
Fast forward to after his surgery. I inquire after his wellbeing with a mutual friend and get a response directly back from Kungfusion about how he’s fine, the tumor was benign and he should be home in a couple weeks. So, to give him a little something-something for titillation, I texted him some pix of some new pole tricks I’ve been working on. He texts back to ask if I’ve ever done any (nude) modeling. Upshot was: he draws and writes and is working on an erotic fantasy novel and thought I’d be the perfect model for some evil elvin character he’s developing. So he offered to pay me to model for him.
Well, I am not shy nor modest, and I really needed the money, so I went for it. Modeled for him last week. He was very complimentary once I got nekkid, gave me props for my six-pack abs and was just very supportive of the work I’ve been doing. He kept telling me how hot and sexy and attractive I am. The whole time, I’m thinking, yeah, but you don’t want me. We’re only ever going to be friends–you said so yourself and were quite clear and firm about it–so why are you jacking me up with all this flattery? 
Last night, he texted me again and led off with “Hey Cutie!” and said how much he’s enjoying working with the sketches he did last week and wants me to come over again to model more. Mentioned that he has a surprise for me. I let the surprise reference drop because it could just be something like a new prop for the modeling sessions.
So I turn to you, Dopers, to read this dude’s mind for me. WTF is going on?
I am mostly sure he isn’t gay, but he could be somewhere in the middle of the Kinsey scale. When he rejected me previously, I could only come up with: either he’s gay, or there is something about me that is a horrible turn-off, but he won’t tell me what it is so he won’t hurt my feelings. Or maybe it was the social circle thing; if we are such good friends then we could really screw that up and the whole dynamic of the social circle if we slept together and discovered that we really aren’t quite right for each other.
I have no idea what to do now. I am in a relationship with someone else and he knows about it. The BF knows about my friendship with Kungfusion – I am not cheating on or lying to anyone. Perhaps he’s being flirty now because I’m with someone and he knows I’m not a cheater, so I’m “safe.” All the fun of flirtation, he gets his drawings for his spank bank, we both have fun, no harm, no foul, no pressure.
Or perhaps it was the brain tumor and now that it’s gone and he’s healthy again without having seizures and skull-crushing headaches, he’s re-evaluated our friendship. Or he noticed that I got all ripped and recognizes the discipline it took to make that happen, so perhaps he’s realized I’m not perhaps who he thought I was before.
Anyway, I’m of the opinion that, if you’re great friends and you find each other attractive, and there’s mutual trust, respect, and good healthy mature two-way communication, that should be the basis for a really beautiful, healthy relationship. Unless of course he thinks I’m psycho-crazy, deeply insecure, or something else that is a turn off to developing the relationship. It is also entirely possible, seeing as how he is rather passive, that I came on WAY too strong and he was turned off by me being the aggressor. My plan going forward is to assume he’s still not into me, despite the nekkid art modeling, and to assume this isn’t going anywhere and we’re just going to be only friends. If he decides to ratchet things up and bust out a move, awesome, I’ll totally dump the other guy (whom I’ve asked to move out anyway, completely unrelated to this situation). If not, then I’ve lost nothing and won’t humiliate myself by making overtures again and getting turned down again. So if a first move is going to be made, it’ll be by him.
Of course none of us can know what’s inside his head so we’ll wander off into Speculative Fantasyland. (We only know that there is no longer a tumor in there. Must be a real load off his mind. Yuk yuk yuk.) But I am really curious about what Dopers might think of this situation? I’m inclined to think it’s a combination of a couple different things in Phouka’s list at post #6.
Forgive me, but unless I’m really misunderstanding, the tones of these two excerpts do not mesh.
Ah yes, I shorthanded that because my post was already far too long.
What I mean was: Emotionally, I like the Kung Fu guy better. I would not start up anything beyond friendship with him without first finishing my unfinished business with the BF. (I do not consider drinking wine and creating art to be “cheating” and I haven’t lied to BF about my whereabouts.) I have asked BF to move out and that relationship is circling the drain already.
It’s also* pure *fantasy/conjecture on my part that Kungfusion has any intent whatsoever beyond friendship. I’m thinking probably not, but sometimes his signals (massages, flirty texts, nekkid modeling requests) are, well… confusing! Point being the BF is probably not going to be my BF for very much longer, regardless of what does or doesn’t go on with Kungfusion. If Kungfusion surprised (no, shocked the hell out of) me and made it clear his feelings have changed, then I would speed up the process of disentangling myself from the BF. As it stands now, the BF is really good for sexual tension release (and a few other things). He is not a bad guy, just not the right guy for me. I’m settling to be with him right now out of lack of better options. So what I’m saying is if I thought Kungfusion was really a better option, I’d free the BF to wander off and find someone who values him more. I would not just jump in the sack with Kungfusion because he asked me to. I would let the BF go, and then go jump in the sack…
That may be shitty and shallow, but at least it’s honest.
Better?