TV commercials you hate

The BBQ Pit
41

I can’t recall the name of the car being advertised, some secret agent cat is being chased through Italy by some bad guys. One of the criminals is talking on a cell phone to his boss, who asks him to identify the car.

First guy: “It’s a, uh, a silverish, uh, bluish, uh”
Me (yelling at TV): “IT’S A FUCKING HATCHBACK, YA’ IDIOT!”

Unclassifiable, my ass, I know a hatchback when I see one. It’s going to take more to fool me than a couple of tacked on ground effects.

And the KFC commercials with George from Seinfeld cause me actual physical pain.

42

Band name!!

My least favorite one of the last few years was for Lunchables or some other kid-lunch food, where they show the adorably bratty son getting his lunch every day, and he always has something snotty or annoying to say about it: “Again?” “Isn’t this your doggy bag from last night?” “Are you mad at me?” RRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!! Made me want to throw a brick through the TV. Fortunately, I haven’t seen that one in a while.

There is, however, a new one. For some sort of kid-pasta stuff. You know, the one where they show all the kids saying stuff like “Don’t mess with tradition” or something like that, and then they show the kid in the kitchen “making” this dish. He unwraps the package and then throws the wrapper on the floor! Presumably for his dog to ingest and choke on.

Any commercial which shows kids being bratty and/or messy and not reaping the consequences makes blood leak out through my eyeballs.

43

There’s an ad for some minivan or sedan that emphasizes the fact that the vehicle is equipped with a video system for the back seat. It illustrates this thusly: a mom is driving along the highway, and her snot-nosed brats in the back seat start fighting over a game. Instead of pulling over and laying down the law, or showing any parenting skills at all, the mom just turns on the back-seat tv and the little shits are hypnotized into peacefully drooling vegetables. So apparently 1) you should reward bad behavior if it keeps the kids quiet, and 2) kids don’t already spend enough time staring at a tv screen.

Apparently every ad dealing with long-distance phone calls is intensely annoying, and a lot of them are deceptive as well. For instance, those ads that say, “All calls up to 20 minutes are only 99 cents!”. That means if you make a call, get an answering machine, leave your message and hang up, you’ve paid 99 cents for a thirty-second call.

There’s another ad, for a pre-paid calling card. It shows people, throughout the ad, using pay phones, while a voice-over describes the cheap rates. But at the bottom of the screen, small type tells you “Does not assume use of a payphone. 35-cent payphone fee applies”. So, all the chumps in the ad aren’t paying the low fees the voice-over describes; they’re getting screwed for using a payphone.

In any case, I’m just not interested in all the calling plans. As George Carlin put it, “In a country where you can buy cheese in an aerosol can and edible women’s underwear, are we really busting our balls to save two cents on a phone call?” Of course, later he did one of those stupid ads himself.

44

I forgot to mention that Rogaine ad where the shallow schmuck’s equally shallow girlfriend basically hints that she’ll leave him if he ever goes bald, so he’d better start using Rogaine. I just hope these assholes don’t have children.

I’m losing my hair and my girlfriend couldn’t give a shit. Why? 'Cause I make love like a GOD!

45

You got me second-guessing now. I swear it was the Class of '92, which is what made the commercial so incredibly stupid. If it had indeed been 1982, it would have still been stupid, but would have at least made sense.

But I swear both my wife and thought it was 1992, which is why we were talking shit about it in the first place.

I never thought I’d say this, but I’m actually WAITING to see this commercial now…

46

Really? Do you corporealize as a white bull and kidnap your intended, bearing her over the sea on your back, escorted by Nereids?

Cool.

47

chorizo–I’m pretty sure you’re right about it being '92. My SO and I just had a whole WTF moment about it the other night when we realized how inane that made the whole premise.

48

Another one to say you’re right Chorizo. My hubby and I get irritated by that commercial every night.

The big banner says Class of 1992. Yet the music and crappy car were from around '82. (I graduated in 1983.)

Sheri

49

The Toyota Matrix, not unlike the new Pontiac Vibe or the Saturn Vue.

“Sport Utility Wagons” or some such nonsense…

Alyssa Milano as Ava Savalot, or whatever the fuck.

Is it just me or, in that new Dell commercial, does that chick look just like the Dell kid? I think she’s supposed be his girlfriend or whatever, but I pegged her as his sister (I really think they look alike).

Speaking of the Vibe, what’s up with the “Oh, now we can make smoothies!” line? Looks like we’ll need another law. “It is unlawful to operate a blender while operating a motor vehicle. If you feel the need to make a fucking smoothie WHILE YOU’RE DRIVING A CAR, pull your piece of shit ‘Sport Utility Wagon’ to the side of the freeway, fuckstick.”

The Crest Whitening commercial with that chick “And then you think ‘Teeth… mine… not white. Breath, not fresh’.” COMPLETE A FUCKING SENTENCE, WENCH!!! Oh my god, that commercial bothers me so much. And that other whitening one with the orange-teeth guy and the cheesy 80s slasher movie music.

Orbit gum. FABULOUS! Die, bitch. Just fucking DIE.

I was just talking to my sister and her boyfriend about how happy I am that I don’t have to see anymore of those awful Old Navy commercials.

There’s one more. The one with the pregnant chick in her friend’s car, on their way to somewhere. They park and pregnant chick sees a billboard for miscarriages caused by smoking. “Smoking will cause 14,425 miscarriages” or whatever. She takes her lipstick, does something (you don’t get to know what yet), then gets out of the car. Clear shot of the passenger door reveals nothing. Door closes and BAM! Magically, the five has been changed to a lipstick colored four. EDITING PEOPLE!!! Jesus Christ!

50

There’s actually another thread from yesterday about this very commercial.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=107451

Any possibility it’s a college reunion? That would sort of make it a little less stupid. Maybe.

Then again, if Stockard Channing was supposed to be a fresh-faced high school senior in Grease . . .

51

That pisses me off especially because I like Seinfeld and watch reruns of it alot at night when I don’t have better things to do.

As for all the 1-800-shove-it commercials, the only one I do like is the one with Mr. T even though I don’t even pay attention to the commercial or the number.

The ones that truly piss me off are all the bullshit anti-drug commercials. As a teenager I think that telling kids that they can’t even try something is a complete load of crap. One I saw last night went something like this: “…but instead you’re stuck at home, grounded because you tried pot.” I’m not sure if this is exact, but that’s pretty close. That’s a load of bullshit. I’m not going to let some dumbass commercial tell me what to do. If I want to smoke pot that’s my business, and I don’t give a shit if it’s illegal or not. Also nothing pisses me off more than my mom telling me to not do drugs. My thoughts on that are basically, “If you don’t stop annoying me about it, I’ll be more likely to smoke cigarettes just to spite you.” and when I say annoying I mean every time I even bring up something that could be related to drugs in any way. (Am I not pleasant?) Seriously though, it just pisses me off, and don’t even getting me started about those non-smoking ads. IMHO most kids don’t give a flying fuck about those ads just because they are presented in an obnoxious Tom Greenesque manner. To all drug ad people: “YOU’RE NOT GOING TO GET KIDS TO NOT DO DRUGS WITH A DUMBASS AD ABOUT HOW DRUGS FUND TERRORISTS. BECAUSE MOST DO NOT. OIL FUNDS A HELL OF ALOT MORE TERRORISTS THAN DRUGS DO.” IMHO the best way to take care of drugs is to legalize them since most people who use them are only hurting themselves; however, perhaps it would be good to make special laws regarding crimes commited under the influence of drugs. Also this could clear out prisons since alot of felons are nonviolent drug offenders.

52

Oh the wonders of TiVo…

But there are some commercials that even fastforwarding through sicken me. Like every prescription drug commercial ever made. First of all, didn’t these things used to be illegal? Whatever happened to those days?

Now, they’ll always show some field with colors way too bright for sobriety, talk about allergies and how awful they are, and then read the side effects: “Loss of head, bloody excrement, extra limbs, pregnancy…” that prove that the cure is worse than the disease.

53

Baldwin , I think I started a pit thread on that commercial. “Will she feel the same way if you lose your hair? Sure… she’ll feel it about someone else!” Ughh, it makes me want to hurl my alarm clock at the TV!

No one mentioned this, but home-grown commercials can be GOD AWFUL. We have frickin’ Bob’s Furniture, wherein Bob and his ditzy blond wife engage in antics more likely to procure bile than giggles.

And the aforementioned commercial about Halls where the brat kids pound on sick dad’s head with a pillow because he’s too sick to ski?? I want to go slap them!

Oh, and ALL THE FUCKING CAR COMMERCIALS in which the DRIVERS ARE ALL DANCING IN THEIR SEATS, paying ABSOLUTELY NO ATTENTION to the road around them! A car’s sole purpose is not to blast pop music: treating a vehicle like your personal entertainment-mobile is just asking for an accident.

54

The commercial that gets me is a current one for Polaroid cameras/film.

Boyfriend stands outside girlfriend’s apartment. They are clearly fighting/broken up because she refuses to let him in.

He proceeds to take photo after photo with his Polaroid camera and slips them under her door. In one of the photos, he feigns hanging himself with his belt. Even after he’s used multiple packs of film, none of his photos have moved the girl to open the door to him.

Finally, he pulls out a bottle of eyedrops and dribbles some down his face in a fake tear. He pulls a sad face, snaps a photo, slides it under the door, and the commercial ends with a freeze-frame shot from inside the apartment, as you see the girlfriend opening the door, albeit with the chain still on.

So what do we have? An idiot exhibiting classic stalker behavior - while the girlfriend makes it clear that she doesn’t want to see him or talk to him, he proceeds to irritate and pester her. He suggests self-violence, and he tries to make the victim feel responsible for his feelings. Finally, he manipulates her sympathies with a falsified emotional ploy, and for this he is rewarded - he gets what he wants by lying to her.

The Polaroid people may have had some cutesy catch phrase appended to this monstrosity, but it cannot cancel out the dreadful message that they’re sending – bother your girlfriend/ex enough, lie to them and you’ll get them back. Niiiiice.

55

You must have loved those old beef ads with Cybill Shepherd where she says “I know there are some people who don’t eat beef… but I don’t know if I trust them.”

56

Every Christmas season, the jewelers all run ads saying, in so many words, “Don’t buy her anything she might have any use for. Buy an overpriced diamond ring, instead. And, by the way, it’s gotta cost you 3 months gross pay or she’ll know you’re a cheapskate and would be justified in ’ cutting you off’ .”

57

I also hate that commercial they play on Cartoon Network advertising “Kidz Bop”. Seeing a dumb bitch soccer mom bleet for hours on end about “New classical music classics for your kids!” Sooner or later I want to see them release a kid’s album with Cradle of Filth, Marylin Manson, Rammstein, etc.

And did I mention the commercial they play on CN sometimes where you have this kid flying around like an airplane, and green exhaust comes out of him. Sorry, but energy is not the first thing I think of when seeing green gas come out of someone’s ass.

I also wish painful death upon Mr. Whipple. And the TALIBAN: Strong enough for a man, yet made for a woman deoderant ads.

Oh yes, and the “Double Quilted Picker Upper” Bounty paper towels ads. “Yeppers, we cleaned up the entire World Trade Center rubble with just two rolls.”

58

If you look closely, you can see the slanty board they put in the locker to make the poptarts all fall out.

59

But he’s with Mike Piazza. Don’t you get it? ALF is an alien, Piazza is a catcher… it makes perfect sense.

60

That damn Pop-Tart commercial where the chick picks up the toaster and eats the CRUMBS THAT FALL OUT. My god, that is so disgusting that I retch every time I see it. I always want a roach to fall out into her mouth. Besides, it’s a rip-off of Powdered Toast Man.

Also, the commercial for the new wet-toilet paper stuff. They keep showing people’s butts. I don’t really want to consider the wiping habits of other people, thank you very much.