T’was the Friday before Christmas, and all through the place,
Not a worker was working, but some present to save face.
The timesheets were submitted, filled out with due care
soon we all prayed that 3 o’clock would be there.
Those who showed up were all snug in their cubes,
‘save those who took vacation—left behind were the rubes.
Thus settled at this keyboard, a coworker at her desk,
wond’ring how to kill time. “What could I do next?”
I banged on the keyboard, paper came out of the printer.
I reckoned this is how I’d spend a Mid-Georgia winter.
and just as I queried there arose such a clatter!
I dashed to the LaserJet to see what was the matter!
Smoke was billowing out, the toner was leaking,
I ordered my officemates to begin retreating.
“Hell hath no fury like a broken Hewlet Packard!
Now run for your lives, and don’t never look back ‘ere!”
I grabbed my multitool and began to defuse it,
afraid of a magenta detonation, if haps I should lose it.
I ripped out the cartridge just in the nick of time!
And thusly I saved the day. . . at least in my mind.
Now the previous three stanzas are complete fabrications,
but it gave me a smirk, out of the pure imagination.
‘Cause that’s how it is here; O mighty Chairborne Corps!
stocked with great tales of PowerPoint Ranger lore.
Totally bored on this Friday, ‘cause there’s nobody about.
No phone calls to answer, no e-mails to send out.
My boss doesn’t even pop in to see where I’m at,
yet here I sit as a dutiful Staff-weenie bureaucrat.
Like others I reckon, pulling the government sleigh,
at the top are the chief executives, leading the way:
“On Carter, on Ford, on Bush, Quayle and Clinton!
On Reagan, on Cheney, on Rumsfeld and Nixon!”
A top-hatted Uncle Sam, cracking his whip,
driving his festooned sleigh, taking time to quip:
“Please pay your taxes, and remember to vote!
I NEED YOU for the U.S. Army, and buy some War Bond notes!”
Again, those last two stanzas gave me a break,
From the boredom and monotony which I needed to take.
I’m about ready to find someone and say, “Dude, I’m goin’ home!”
But I know that I can’t because of the phone.
Inevitably someone will call just five minutes prior,
to three o’clock, when I plan to retire.
Asking for PowerPoint slides,
of which to send up higher.
But until then today I’ve got nothing to do,
except relate tales of office boredom to you.
But it is the Friday before Christmas, and it would be polite,
To wish you all a Merry Christmas, and a good New Years night!
Tripler
Merry Christmas, everyone!